dummy thicc wizard

your 20s are about elves, your 30s are about continued meditations on the elf

once you hit your 40s it's time to find an elf

Fuck I hate elves god damm it

you've got 2 years left of that but then you have to make some changes

hey.. two people were asking about you… so i gave them your address and phone number… their names were Skeletal Warrior and Skeletal Ice Mage

SEXUALLY UNSATISFIED GIRAFFE

I'm running low on the purple dwarf mushrooms I use conjure wifi so I need to cut back on scrolling my orb

went to eat some buldak noodles so i have something on my belly before the adderall spell manifests an effect. a tick summoned itself upon the cup rim and into the carbohydrate sea. i had to dispose of the dish in full. seething

Evil wizard tasteful pin-up magazine but it's all photos of like, skinny old goths coyly fingering cursed amulets, long-bearded sorcerers doing the 'oopsie' pose as their corrosive destruction spell destroys enough of their own robes to show some skin, naked desiccated lich king positioning his staff of human skulls just so it leaves something to the imagination, dark knights in full armor just holding their soul-eating blades out in front of their codpieces, orc chieftain who did not understand the assignment and is posing with a monster he killed like one of those guys-with-fish photos. Or maybe he DID understand the assignment. Hmm.

@evilwizard are you in that?

All I’m saying is that vomiting squirrels is a pretty classic curse, and if you’re not ready for it then you probably shouldn’t be in an arcane library

It’s SO obvious that some of y’all are incredibly mad that my wizard hat is bigger and supremely balanced.

okay... i can still see the folds on your wizard robe... iron it.

Now I know you ain’t talking with ya dusty ass grimoire. That bad boy is held together with scotch tape, spit, and faith. Helpful hint: you want the spines of your enemies to break, not your magical tomes.

no cause it's really cute hearing that from you when last i checked your grimoire isn't being passed down from generation to generation. i know you got it from walmart with your dollar store lookin ass staff. you can keep your hint.

You talk all this mess about wizard hats, and yet I don't ever see you wearing one 🤔

i'd truly be fucked in her situation because rumpelstiltskin is not a name that would come to mind for me

i can sense that I am not the only warrior of light in this popeyes bathroom

No… not the serum *I start slowly and horribly transforming into an unspoiled wetland*