Lack of sense

Christopher you are the sassiest muffin.

“i can leave the door open while i’m cleaning my bathroom,” i reasoned to myself. “surely my beloved cat, Meatball, isn’t dumb enough to try and jump into an open toilet full of Clorox”

i caught this tiny-little fool MID-FUCKING-AIR. i watched him start leaping and time literally slowed down. and then he had the audacity, the NERVE, to beep indignantly at me for ruining his plans

his name is what

his name is Meatball

“I don’t have my vagina with me” is now my go-to.

THIS GIRL SLAYS!

every day i am like "i wanna talk to my mutuals" but i have the personality of a paper clip

This is the only godforsaken place I can have an open online presence where my fucking family haven’t managed to find me so you can pry it from my cold, dead, nippleless hands

my tumblr dashboard is like a glass-bottom boat. I’ve curated it to the point that most of the time it’s smooth sailing, I see cool fish sometimes. And then sometimes, hundreds of meters down, I catch a tip of the fin of something really fucking weird, and then it’s gone again. Can’t get such a uniquely haunting experience like that anywhere else.

don’t understand twitter