DISCLAIMER: THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG AF!
I’m definitely a hopeless romantic. I love the thought of love, the physical, the mental, spiritual...your body kind of develops a longing for it. Sometimes it could be everlasting, but most times...it could all come to a complete stop and you’re just like ‘wtf?’ I’m in that ‘wtf?’ stage.
I won’t say too much about him because I’d like to keep it to myself, but lets just say, he was (and still is) the most genuine, divine, sublime, intelligent, strong-willed man I’ve ever met. When I first met him, I had an instant connection. One night I looked across the room in my tipsy stupor and saw him with a group of his peers and just knew for a fact I wanted him. I didn’t know his name or where he was from, but I knew I had to snatch him up. No one else in the room mattered, but him. To make a long story short, I ended up in a relationship with him about a month later. Whoop, whoop! You might say, girl that’s too fast! Slow it down a little bit. Well sweetie, I’m just getting started...
He wasn’t the perfect guy. He had been through the most troubling times in his life. He was in his head a lot. I didn’t bother him much about the logistics of it all, but he eventually shared his past and about who he was. He apologized a million times for it and a million times over I would tell him that it was OK. It was ok to not be what society thinks a “normal” guy should look or be like. In life you have to climb obstacles, make mistakes, and have those ‘what the hell is wrong with me’ moments. That’s what makes you, you.
He would ask me countless times, if I loved him enough, if he was enough....“Baby, you are enough to me. There is no one else in this world that I’d rather be with.” “Why,” he would ask. “From the moment I met you, I knew I loved you. Yes, that’s hard to believe, but its true. You have this magnetic pull that I just can’t get away from. I don’t care about what you’ve been through. That’s not going to change the way I think or feel.” I looked him in his beautiful eyes, through his troubled soul and told him, you are the one for me and nothing will change that.” Ok, ok! I didn’t say all that verbatim, but it was something along those lines.
6 months in and it was all over...WTF?! What the hell did I do?? Absolutely nothing...
He wasn’t where he wanted or needed to be in his life and didn’t feel like he should be in a relationship. I didn’t know what to think. I’m thinking ‘are you dating someone else’? ‘Did I do something wrong?’ ‘How can I make it work?’ In the reality of things, we both weren’t ready to be in any type of commitment. I can’t even commit to paying my taxes, so how the hell I am going to do that with a human being? Financially, emotionally, spiritually, we were not ready.
Did I fall too hard? Did I have a false intuition? Did I choose the wrong guy to fall in love with? Absolutely not!
Presently, he’s getting his life in order and creating a lasting journey that will make him a little bit more wiser, a bit more tougher, and more stable than he ever was. I’m so proud of him and what he’s accomplished in just the short time we haven’t been together. If it took him to break up with me to get his life in order, I was all for it. Growth in every aspect of a human’s life is vitally important and needed for a healthy spirit and a long lasting life. I wasn’t going to get in the way of that. I too, need to get back on the right foot.
So where does the chase come in? Well, he found someone. Maybe its a forever thing; maybe its temporary. I want it to be temporary of course. My heart still wants him, still craves his every being, and still cares for his agile soul. Regardless if we’re together or not, these feelings will forever remain the same. To the girl that has his heart at the moment: Got dang it if you don’t treat this precious man right, I’m coming after you and I’m stealing him back and that’s, that on that. PERIOD POOH! In the meantime I need to go stack some racks. 🤑
If you know you have someone good, hold onto them for dear life and don’t let them go. If they do happen to go astray, don’t make yourself half crazy wondering about the what if’s or why’s. Don’t go making shrines of them and conjuring up some spell or create a voodoo doll to try and get them back. It ain’t happnin’ captain! Move along. Just let it be, live your life, and carry on.
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