Digital diary Archives

I didn't speak a lot as kid, only with my close friends. In grade 6, and middle school, I stop talking to the point I forgot what my own voice sounded like. but now I cant seem to stop talking, and I hate it! Everyone I know is annoyed by it, or mentions how talkative I am. I constantly annoy and make my friends mad and upset. I always end up overwhelming my friends everyday at school. I hate it, I hate my voice, it's always been so weak and small, yet so stupid and annoying, and every few sentences I'll mess up on pronouncing simple words. Today my friend timed me for how long I could go with out talking

because of how I grew up, I feel so, stunted. because of all these things I was told. I cant tell anyone, I cant talk, I mean I can, but when I do, my throat is, nothing will come out, and I don't want anyone to worry, no one my age seems to understand, or even listen when i talk, and adults dont understand me at all. my grandma seems more annoyed than anything at the idea that I'll go back to the ward. and I miss it. I want to go back there. it was someway of escape. it had routine, I had my own space, and not that I hate living with my grandparents. i didnt have to worry about what other kids thought. there we all understood what we were going through. and the writing under the bookshevles, under the desks, on the side of my closet and walls, they all understood the fear I feel.