Nobody has ever been capable of writing a scathingly harsh and well formulated satire about the perils of modern capitalism, that doesn't just get immediately one-upped by some random food service worker talking about their actual week.

whenever i post stupid shit that gets a lot of notes on here that i regret i take comfort in knowing that theres no real repercussions from that because this website is going to be tanked and shutdown within, at the most, 3 years

if you, like me, are hesitant to enjoy what kinda sounds like "relaxes food standards" on the surface, I'm happy to report that this isn't "everyone can do what they want with your food supply without oversight" but rather a case where in NYC you had to have a permit to sell food and a second, superfluous permit to sell frozen desserts. This action simply removes the need for the second permit, rolling it into the first permit in order to help small businesses. Yay!

Maybe the most damming thing about Nolans odyssey is i haven’t seen a single gifset from it

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

the way men think eating meat feeds into their masculinity is so fucking funny like miss thing you didn’t wrestle that shit with your bare hands you took your dumpy ass to costco in your wife’s pt cruiser you might as well be a drag queen at this point

it's cool how in the 6 years since this tweet was written it's become significantly less useful not because anything has gotten better but because the majority of products on Amazon are now from fly-by-night brands called "ZZPORK" and "GLUM4PANT"

spicing up conversations by saying 'you really believe in that' at the most basic inane things

I was trying to bore my 4 y.o. grandsone to sleep last night by counting slowly outloud 1 to 200. Around 170 he asks "are you just making stuff up?"

the bisexual woman is so crucial to the atmosphere

for spreading stds

babygirl ima say this as gently as i can u need to kill yourself

I believe authors should be cryptic and unhelpful in the interpretation of their own work or even act like they’re dead and never comment on it ever

putting ketchup on fries is too permanent for me … i have to dip . i control the sauce

Never forget what they took from us.