Emma

The first time love slipped off my lips I was a mirror An echo chamber with a guilty conscience, I was quick to repeat, Unsure of who I was attempting to convince The second time, Love dragged itself from behind my teeth And landed in my hands A little aged, a little rough around the edges Love didn’t feel the way it used to I was raised by New England winters Accustomed to admiring the flakes from a distance Because the moment they land in your hands What used to be beauty is only water And the last thing an alcoholic needs is a drink The third time, I meticulously parted my lips, Flooded my lungs with air, Started to form words,   And Stopped. In the lingering silence, I realized all the words I had been trying to find, Had already been said Hi. How was your day? What are you up to later? I love you I love you I love you Have you eaten dinner yet? You should really get some sleep. Need me to grab anything on my way? I love you I love you I love you Every time I look at you I tell you I love you I love you is the blanket of warmth that covers me head to toe as our eyes meet when you greet me at your door I love you is starting to watch a movie and pausing it after 10 minutes just to wind up talking for another 3 hours I love you is my thumb gently grazing your forearm Over and Over and Over again, just so you know I’m there. Never have I said, “I love you”, and meant it One, A simple phrase repeated into a meaningless oblivion The other, A vulnerable admission of what it means to be human And that to me, Is how you know   I will never be the same.