wretched thing

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

thinking "everyone can tell im bad at this" as i stand completely motionless doing nothing in public

what a beautiful time of year everyone is growing veegtables for me spacifically, one problem though you need to make fences shorter im sure its a mistake but i cant reach some of them

hello imptortant message from deer youyr doing it agen. i cant eet the vegbals you are growing for me like this

where to upgrade social battery. where to buy larger social battery. how to attach multiple social batteries. how to hang out with all your friends without getting tired. how to hang out with everyone you wanna hang out with without burning out. infinite social energy hack. nap tips

social battery rapid charger. social battery usable while plugged in. how to love everyone you love

quit laying solitary eggs with penniless dregs and come lay healthy clutches with a wealthy duchess

Nobody wants to work anymore

girl help i’m having creation ideas above my skill level

🦠 #my crobe

there’s a friday ass vibe about this wednesday boys keep your wits about you

wednesday night….the thinking man’s friday

The entire point of, OK, my phone really wants to call it Anastasia so I guess we’re doing that? The entire point of Anastasia (as administered by a board-certified Anastasiologist) during sugary. Sugary? Haven’t I suffered enough? The entire point of Anastasia during augury. Jesus Christ. Hold up. You know what, augury is preferable to sugary. Augury is obviously performed by an auger (makes sense if you give it a think) whereas sugary is performed by…? A sugardaddy? NO THANK YOU. Anyway. The entire point of Anastasia is so that you don’t know what music your sturgeon. Fuck right off. Was playing. While you were under. You’re not supposed to wake up from Anastasia and immediately realize you managed to get earwormed by Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades” during your sugary.

if i was a popular minecraft youtuber id just tweet "hey guys stop drawing shipping fanart of me and my friends/coworkers, i only fucked one of them and seeing me paired with anyone else is kinda weird and crosses my boundaries" and then i'd turn my phone off