A Goddamn Huge Dragon

Ma'am, we're sorry to have to tell you this, but your husband had an accident at the Pianos, Anvils, and Comically Large Panes of Glass Incorporated factory...

he was hit by a car in the parking lot

i just know there was a weird little girl in the middle ages out there stealing snake's eggs and putting them in her family's chicken coop in the hope of hatching a basilisk

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

Ryland Grace and his popularity as a character feels like such an important step in repairing the cultural tsunami left by the long running trope of every genius character needing to be an insufferable asshole to everyone in a ten mile radios about it.

Conversely, Eva Stratt is doing wonders for repairing and inspiring a appreciation for commanding women with dubious moral convictions who are fully willing to bend laws for the greater good without hesitation.

And together they are doing brilliant things by not kissing or hooking up even once.

its so scary making plans with new friends. what if i suggest something stupid and we have a terrible time and they find out im a fraud and not a real human being

The best part of getting older is aging out of the demographic that gets killed in horror movies. I am now the age of the kooky local at the gas station who warns the band of college kids not to go to Camp Murderblood

Tucker and Dale VS Evil winning once again

Tumblr’s one true talent is making me sick of things I’ve never seen or read or heard.

Dungeon crawler carl living in my head rent free because what do you mean the pet dinosaur got scared so it found a plush toy and held it for comfort and then gave it away to a traumatised little girl WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

no i don't want you to redirect me to your app i want to look at recipe

i am not going to a secondary location with you one of us dies here

i think it’s very sweet that jack and barbossa are undeniably the two worst pirate lords just like in terms of meeting their job expectations

the other seven of them all have full fleets that they command from the sprawling luxury of their estates where they sit atop amassed decades of wealth these two assholes have spent fifteen years fighting over the same oversized dinghy