This June, I need Gen Z queers to understand that some people are closeted.
I am saying this as a Gen Z queer, before yโall get your guns out to fucking shoot me.
But I need yโall to understand that if someone doesnโt give you their government name in a queer space, itโs not because theyโre โmysterious,โ and you do not have permission to take it upon yourself to figure out their โreal identityโ and go digging for them online like a private investigator. First, thatโs creepy and a violation of privacy and reasonable boundaries. Second, some of us keep our private and professional lives very separate because we need to keep food on the fucking table and a roof over our heads, and our private life could jeopardize that.
โWhy wonโt you tell me about your parents?โ โWhy canโt I know your real name?โ โWhere do you work?โ
1.) Not all our parents would bake us a fucking cake when we come out. Some of us are closeted. Surely you understand this? You also do not need to know my parentโs names or occupations; we are both adults. I do not need nor want to mix you and my private life with my parents and my public life.
2.) Trans people do not owe you their dead name or government name
3.) Iโm not telling you for the sake of job security. I am a government fucking caseworker working amidst a fucking lavender panic!
โThereโs no way youโre a different person outside this; youโre still you at your core. What harm is thereโโ
No, I am a completely different person. A different person with a different personality and different interests and a different name and presentation. I am a completely different person because I keep this life and my public life private to avoid fracturing 90% of my interpersonal relationships and 100% of my professional ones.
โYouโre not out? But youโre so confident.โ
Seeโ thatโs part of the issue. Yโall assume someone is in the closet because they hate themselves or lack self-identity. Some of us know exactly who we are, but need to prioritize financial stability or else our entire life gets exponentially harder immediately.
You meet queer people over the age of 40 and one of the first/earliest questions is โwho knows?โ
I need yโall to start bringing that energy. Because itโs not always safe for someone to be out and not everyone is safe to be out around.
There is a misnomer that โthe closetโ inherently means โdoesnโt know theyโre queerโ and not โisnโt out widely and publicly.โ โOutnessโ is often a patchwork.
