your last ally in all the city-states is an elf who would unironically lick the sweat from your armpits in front of the entire congregation. he begs his dad to let you couch surf. one of his brothers admits to your face that he wished you would die
two members of the swiss guard arrest your children so you punch them in the neck until the judge says you're free to go. the pope personally calls you to apologize for the trouble
ilberd tries and fails to hotbox you to death
a hot elf wife takes you on vacation to a nest full of cool bugs
anytime there's a serious moment estinien challenges the tone of the scene by pulling a giant novelty eyeball out of his pants which is played 100% straight every single time. not a single soul questions this or reacts in surprise
the prettiest elf in the world gets arrested trying to yell at his dad
Occupy The Vatican Right Fucking Now!!!!
the pope stances on the deck of an airship and flies away into the sunset after his eunuch traumatizes you
the emperor of garlemald shows up to call you a dipshit, leaves, and then you don't see him personally again for 1.5 expansion packs
we summon a naked catgirl and the first thing tataru does is give her a pair of louboutins and put a bow on her little kitty tail. she is the most deadly serious person in the entire organization
you take a quick detour to visit the angriest woman who's ever lived who calls you and everyone you're with a pointless dumbfuck moron shit idiot (affectionate). then she gives you a gun she invented that sharlayan banned for being too cool
theres a flying allagan war crimes factory full of broken robots who think you're stupid. an entire legion of garleans are abandoned here to form a feral colony with the escaped lab animals. the robots make fun of them
the dad of all the dragons on the whole planet calls you his favorite in front of his real child who he hasnt talked to in 4000 years
an evil wizard tries to get revenge on you for killing his cousin but the pope loads his soul into a bong and takes the fattest rip. the next time you meet him you mostly learn about how much his wife bullied him
estinien picks up a second eyeball. surprise development!: there is an angry dragon ghost living in the eyeballs
thancred gets punched in the face
you watch two dragon brothers fight because one called the other's dead wife a foul and trifling hoe
you save your friend through the power of friendship, and littering. as soon as he feels better he jumps out of a window and doesnt talk to you for two years
the guy from the box art wont stop trying to kill you because he is actually john videogames: astral traveler
after 15 hours of wondering what happened to all the scions and learning just the ones you've been able to FIND were flung into the afterlife, you discover lyse and papalymo are fine. they werent even hurt. they have been playing desert dress up with the ala mhigans while youve been freezing your pussy off trying to end a multigenerational religious war with the dragons and depose a corrupt head of state. they tried to send one letter and then gave up
the consequences of littering catch up with you. in eorzea, the fine is $Giant Dragon
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Fun fact! Haunted bathtubs are an example of coevolution with haunted houses! As houses became more elaborate, haunted water fixtures changed to match the opulence. As such, the haunted hut and its symbiotic counterpart, the haunted well, gradually changed into the more inviting haunted estate with the haunted tub now being an internal parasite instead of an external one. You are correct, more haunted houses SHOULD have haunted clawfoot bathtubs because they promote the health of the house and indicate a functional paranormal ecosystem.
download these two then setup paint studio
right click one of the icons after its done and click “file location”
copy the crack files into the main paint studio file then click on the crack.exe till it says ok
open paint studio
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a few people have reblogged this asking where to find some of these things, so here’s a handy guide to the stuff mentioned on here (excluding the actual mechs albums, which i’m assuming you can find on your own):
idk if people will see this addition but the above list isn’t comprehensive bc it’s limited to what i’ve personally explored so far and to what i could fit on the meme (and i really didn’t expect this post to get as popular as it did, nor did i intend it to be a guide to the mechs), and you should for example also check out:
Maki Yamazaki (Dr. Carmilla) (maki rules and there wouldn’t be any mechs at all without her!)
Reesha Dyer (opened for the mechs at DTTM and is super cool)
in addition, reesha is currently running an extremely cool kickstarter project you should check out and support if you can: City of Sirens
Lolina: Origins
Softwire
i also didn’t include all the live content above, so if you haven’t seen the rest, here are some more links:
OUAT(IS) live
Our Boy Jack (or part of it, rather)
UDAD live: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
a short clip of another UDAD performance
Trial by Song
Sirens
Rocket Girl
Homesick
Drunk Space Pirate (two versions): 1, 2
if you’re at all curious about the marius backstory album you’ll want to keep an eye on kofi’s twitter for updates on that. lastly, if you just wanna watch the mechs bicker with each other for a while, i’ve made a compilation of some good banter from the various available videos… and also another one that’s just nastya. happy exploring, stowaways!
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domestic sweetness!!!! getting groceries together, buying home decor together??? making traditions??? cooking dinner while badly singing along to the radio??? making each other breakfast in bed??? leaving notes around the house for each other??? i’m so soft,,,,
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