wanted: lobotomist (no experience needed)

Everything used to be 20 dollars and now that I finally have 20 dollars everything is now 200 dollars

“God’s favorite little darling” as your bio when you’re 30…. It should be “if the lord lets me see another day”

@wolfi-amadeus-mozart

... my pleasure. Wolfgang.

everyday on here it’s like okay well sure

the slo-mo replay of bellingham’s “HOW the FUCK”. cinema

sorry to everyone out there who thinks they have the funniest tshirt but i think i can confidently say i just saw the actual funniest tshirt just now. i passed by a beautiful black woman with long multicolor braids blowing majestically in the beach breeze & she was wearing an oversized tshirt that said in gigantic letters "WHITE BOY OF THE YEAR"

my stupid fucking plant roommate opened all my soda cans and only drank the carbon dioxide in them

as funny as “those are his hooves you bitch” I’m mad that it overshadows that lil wayne really did have socks on in a jacuzzi 

can y'all stop just throwing random words together and expecting us to understand it

you had to be there

when it wasn't meant to be 🤣🤣 but the potential of possibility still plagues you 🤔

when i was but a wee babe the wet nurse accidentally dropped a sufferingberry into my open mouth and thats how this all got started

shout out to the old guy who orders egg wraps from my job every day and came in on christmas with a $25 gift card for the two transfems on staff and no one else. the one true ally.

"I'm still kicking" is such a funny way to say "I'm still alive". Like lol. I'm still thrashing. Flailing. Writhing even. The violence remains.