vampire lover

guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it

the jerk store called. and they said. sorry wrong number. i love you

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a stressed adult male protagonist splashing water on his face in the bathroom

i defy anyone who tells me this is not the original audio

i could jumpstart a car with my breasts

i love when flowers close in the evening like good night girl i love you sleep tight

i heard my nephew got enslaved by cave bugs

wait to post about this until you’ve confirmed it

sorry

Ughh….. nah man I can’t drive. Fucked up on jasmine rice right now.

I can quit any time I want just. One more bowl 🍚

Spongebob didn’t swallow cum or eat ass or have clinical depression or any of this stuff on these memes he loved his friends and making krabby patties

i think we shouod terraform earth to make it completely flat because itd be fun

i meant completely smooth but flat it actuwlly funnier

new flat earth thearoy: we could do it

I think that when we tell teenagers that their lives will be over if they don't have the most perfect possible trajectory through the education system, that this is, perhaps, if I may be bold, not good for them,