Nonsense and Garbage

[ We are in a room, fighting several knights and their incredibly strong boss. The knights are well in hand, but we’re pretty tapped out and have barely touched the boss. The bard has asked for one more round before we full-on retreat. ]

Bard: I want to cast Tasha’s Hideous Laughter on the boss.

DM: He … fails his wisdom throw. Huh.

Monk: I’m going to go over and try to tie up his ankles while he’s prone.

DM: Roll a contested dexterity check to see if you– No, you definitely tie up his ankles.

Wizard: Can I use mold earth to try and trap one of his hands? I know that’s techically outside the scope of the spell, but … 

DM: I’ll let you try it, but he’s going to make a strength check against your DC to see if he breaks out of the– Huh. Okay. That’s a fail. But it’s his turn now, and he’s going to pass his Wisdom save against the laughter.

Bard: I’m going to try Hideous Laughter again.

DM: He passes.

Bard: Shit. Okay. Well, then I am going to stand over him and say, “You might as well give up now. The more you struggle, the more likely we are to hurt you. It makes more sense if you just surrender.” And on my intimidation roll …  That’s a natural twenty.

DM: Huh. I … Huh. Okay, well, I guess– Huh. He, uh, stops struggling so much. Like, he struggles a little, but he seems pretty cowed. I’m going to let him roll a Wisdom save to see if he can figure out your motivation … Huh, okay, yeah, he failed that. He believes you’re really serious. And starts crying.

Before you ask, yes there are paintings of this. And yes, they’re amazing.

Read more.

The courtesan named was named Phryne and she was indeed a renowned beauty, and was indeed was put on trial for a capital crime. And yes, the sum of her defense consisted of her stripping in court (helped by her lover/defendant) and asking the jury (all males) if they were prepared to destroy this. 

But this is actually a very interesting case of Values Dissonance - the capital crime she was accused of was blasphemy. In Ancient Greek society, exceptional beauty was a sign of favor from the gods, and they took the idea that beauty indicated goodness with great seriousness. They even called their nobles Kaloi k'Agathoi, “the Beautiful and the Good.” 

So by showing off her great physical beauty, Phryne was being very clever indeed, her argument essentially being “How could I possibly commit blasphemy if the gods have given me this body?“ 

my parents were hippie feminists so my brother and i could play clapping games and sleep in puppy piles and give each other weird hairdos, but all the ‘normal’ boys just up and stopped knowing how to touch anyone without hitting sometime between kindergarten and first grade

and my little kid mind briefly saw the vastness of life stretching out in front of all of us, and all the hugs everyone would need and not get, and for a moment i was just like

So I grew up knowing full well that the whole Men Don’t Touch thing was puritanical bullshit.

What I was absolutely not prepared for, however, is the super intense effect it has on straight men’s romantic relationships.

Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.

I strongly suspect that a lot of Str8 Dude feelings of entitlement to women’s bodies, particularly the bodies of their wives and girlfriends, is a direct result of those women being the only non-violent physical contact they’re allowed to have.

I know for certain that the framing of any and all platonic physical contact as un-manly has been directly responsible for a lot of sexual dysfunction (and then the attendant misery of trying to get that treated at the ripe old age of 22) with at least one of my exes. It’s a mess when you can’t get it up because you’re depressed and want to be held but you’ve been brainwashed into thinking what you actually want is sex because being held is for girls.

Omfg

Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.

Things I never thought of…I couldn’t imagine if my husband were the only person I was allowed to touch.  As I think on it, that extends to the kids, too.  The dudes aren’t allowed to really even cuddle their own damned children or nieces and nephews.