Vile Homely Gorgon

the sun literally sets and casts a golden hue over everything every single day and we fucked it all up and invented paying rent

“your rent should be a third of your income” well wouldn’t that be nice. wouldn’t it. lower the rent pussy

Casual observation from someone old enough to remember: in the year 2000 financial advice was that rent should be no more than 1/4 of your income.

Anyone: Hey (asks about a special interest of mine)? Me: Becomes an unskippable cutscene

Between Ryan Gosling Ken and Benoit Blanc I'm starting to think that it's some sort of animal abuse to keep casting big name actors in stoic macho manly man rolls instead of giving them goofy little guys to play. Like look at them their coats are shiny, they seem so much more lively and energetic. We need to make sure all actors have enough goofy little guys to play before peta gets involved.

oh dude youre nauseous? weed can help with that, take this huge bong rip and hold it in for 12 seconds and swallow smoke and start crying and spitting and throwing up

whoever wrote this paper has the funniest phrasing possible

happy turtle bit off a cop’s toe in the hudson river day for those who celebrate

every FUCKING TIME

Me, in the summer heat, taking 2 points of fire damage every second: aeugh aeugh aeugh ough eough ough eaugh

oh this orange is going to be so fucking dry and juiceless

peeled off one of the sections and i was like that’s what bad pussy sounds like