Me, in the summer heat, taking 2 points of fire damage every second: aeugh aeugh aeugh ough eough ough eaugh
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open


#extradirty
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will byers stan first human second

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@cubesandstuff
Me, in the summer heat, taking 2 points of fire damage every second: aeugh aeugh aeugh ough eough ough eaugh
This is my most substantial contribution to tumblr

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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"I don't have a choice, I'm just following orders"
Have you considered smoking one (1) joint?
dog simulater 2026 you are a dog, press X to lay egg (X) ⚠️ egg hole clogged ⚠️ (X) ⚠️ egg hole clogged ⚠️ (X) ⚠️ egg hole clogged ⚠️
❗️yuo can unclog egg hole with RB❗️
(RB) ✅egg hole unclogged✅ (X) ⚠️ BEHEMOTH IS NEARBY, CANNOT LAY EGGS ⚠️ ❗️wait for the behemoth to leave before laying egg . You might put your babies in danger ❗️ (X) ⚠️ BEHEMOTH IS NEARBY, CANNOT LAY EGGS ⚠️ ⚠️ You egg was eaten by behemoth! ⚠️ ⚠️ You egg was eaten by behemoth! ⚠️ ⚠️ You egg was eaten by behemoth! ⚠️
Anyone ever notice that the Balkans are really Balkanized
one of my favorite glados gags is she keeps pretending she went places. she's like i went outside today. girl you did not go anywhere.

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theres a big conspiracy theory going round that you can be horribly flawed and also genuinely loved. crazy if true
Time loops strike again 😔
No??? 18 years of time loop obviously 🙄
This post will gradually get less funny until reaching its lowest point in 2043, after which it will gradually become funnier indefinitely
We Are the Daughters of the Microbes Who Could Survive in an Oxygen-rich Atmosphere
Thats... a lot of bridges. And the data is from 15 years ago too, who knows how many more they built in that time?

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When my son was about to turn two, strangers would offer condolences. There’s a collective cultural dread of toddlers, who get described more like animals than people. Kids in their "terrible twos," I was warned, are illogical, unregulated, and feral. "Good luck," people would say. "He'll grow out of it."
I'm lucky: My son is a very easygoing kid. But I remember the first tantrum he threw for me. He was standing by our front door and asked to go outside. So I opened the door and grabbed his shoes. But as soon as he stepped onto the porch, he pointed back into the house.
"Inside," he said.
"Okay," I said. I picked him up and brought him inside.
But as soon as I shut the front door, he pointed outside.
"Outside!" he said.
You know where this is going. We went back and forth, inside and outside, again and again. He got more frustrated. And I got more frustrated. Eventually he wound up straddling the threshold of our house, sobbing. When I tried to comfort him, he screamed at me. "You go wherever you want!" I said. He just got madder. I felt trapped, convinced he’d concocted the whole episode as a pretext to unleash his rage at me. It was ridiculous. I consoled myself with the thought that he was just being a toddler.
But later I kept thinking about him wailing at our front door, one foot inside, one foot outside. His misery wasn't unreasonable, or trivial, or silly. My son was experiencing the agony of wanting two things that were impossible to have at the same time. What a fundamentally human sorrow! My son wasn't being a toddler; he was being a person. Adults may not walk around howling, but that same pain rages within us. In that moment, as a father, I was powerless to solve my son's problem. I told him he could go wherever he wanted, but of course I was wrong. To be where he wanted was impossible.
Make Believe: On Telling Stories to Children by Mac Barnett
if i was trapped in the time loop i would do the correct sequence of actions to break out of the time loop on my first try, thus resulting in me unaware of there being a time loop in the first place
You keep saying this every time.
that's because you're stuck in the time loop so you hear me say it every time. i on the other hand, got out perfectly so i'm experiencing time linearly as normal
I think this is the loop where I kill you with a rock
Never trust a furry disliker
This is so sweet. Furry ally. Thank you
my wife’s so cute because we both love animals so much but her way is very pure and genuine whereas my family is:
me, holding up my cat: stinky
wife: no!! don’t be mean!!!
me, swaying him back and forth in the air: stinky bastard man
wife: No!!!!!!!!
my mother, not looking up from chopping veggies: naughty boy. brat cat
wife, distraught: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In case anyone doubted the validity of my claims:
The wife:
The mom:
I t s b a c k
IS THIS THE ORIGINAL OMG

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The Celery Man
Maybe he'd have noticed if he could take a single minute from crunching and munching that celery 🙄
Nothing says "I am responsible about writing code" like failing to notice that your resume says "The Celery Man" for an emtire year.
Girl just block me it’s not that serious
Everyone say bless you to dunmertitty’s cat right fucking now!!!!!!!