w o w

I can’t fucking open this jar of pickles I’m taking it to planet fitness to see someone stronger than me can

since the tender age of 11 i have been so Scared due to everything being so Scary

a scientist will see a mouse and say put that beast in a situation

how to combat existential loneliness without starting a nuclear family or like. joining a cult

all writhe for the honorable judge Worm

i literally CANNOT and WILL NEVER get over that one Sad Pic with the story of how a girl and a guy were on a motorcycle and he noticed a wall in front of them so he stopped to let her off and then he drove into the wall and died

Men are just like that

British Sirens warning of an impending Luftwaffe raid during the blitz, c. 1941

Old dude came in the shop and when I said "lemme know if you have any questions" he goes "what was the name of Alexander the Great's horse," thinking he was so funny. I told him Bucephalus, and he was so disappointed. Like his whole day was hanging on beating me at trivia. He says "you're only the second person who knew that" and I said "well, probably the third if you count Alexander the Great." He left without buying anything, and did not say goodbye. I think I honestly hurt his weird little feelings! Sorry I'm a bitch, old man!

my sister thought bdsm was a myers-briggs personality type and i havent stopped thinking about it since she told me

This is killing me I love her

i'm sorry but you named your horse WHAT

this still cracks me up like can you imagine you’re 130 years old and suddenly a gigantic alien baby starts following you around

shirt that says “as above” and booty shorts that say “so below”