Spoiler Alert

I actually love the idea of doing this trying out fanfic/literary cliche’s out in real life, kinda wanna make up a list and undertake it as a challenge.

don’t forget to make your butthole flutter today

Guess someone’s eye color from 20 feet away.

Be careful with these. I started reading fanfiction three years ago and now I have to toe my shoes off to get my feet out.

But do you pad across rooms? 

Yes but I often give away my position when I huff.

FYI, I’m smirking at all y’all.

I’m resisting the urge to card my fingers through everybody’s hair.

This is as good a time as any to admit that right now I smell like coffee, sandalwood soap, and something uniquely myself.

Ah, but are you holding a breath you are unaware of?

I just stretched lazily and showed a strip of pale skin where my t-shirt rode up but there was no-one here to stare at it, speechless, so I don’t know if it even counted

I sigh thousand times a day. Hope that is enough.

I was forced to tear my eyes away, yet drawn toward this by my body’s own volition.

i have ghosted my fingertips across countertops, along my own jawline, down the curtains’ edges. i am ghosting them across the nape of your neck, right now.

I had something clever to add about a pleasure button… but felt my face heat up instead.

My eyebrows quirked up at least ten times reading this. They’re still quirking now. I can’t stop them. (help) 

I just clicked the top left of my mouse to reblog, with a perfectly-manicured nail.

I whispered “I love you,” but all I got in response were soft snores. 

I actually do roll my eyes as much as my characters do. Fact.

Has anyone scratched the back of their neck sheepishly yet?

Nope, but the tears are welling up even as I try to hide them. (They’re of laughter though; it’s okay.)

My brow is furrowing as I read this. Guess I’ll shove my hands in my pockets and rock back on the balls of my feet.

I’m biting my lip and looking away, a light blush forming on my cheeks.

My heart stopped when I read these, but it’s okay, I’ve obviously never done any of these. I think I just chocked back a sigh of relief.