Hi

as part of their ongoing boycott, Canada will no longer provide the US with totally real long-distance girlfriends who definitely exist

Today an employee pointed to a bald man who is apparently a huge dumb jerk and told me she'd seen him at the grocery store once and he'd bought a bottle of shampoo that said "extra thick" and I nodded and said "well you are what you eat" and you know what I'm kinda proud of that one

Just realised I follow three different nonbinary people named Maia. The nickels keep rolling in.

mcqueen

im begging of you please dont take my man

moving between hyperfixations is like wow i can’t believe i used to think this song was about that guy when it’s clearly about [guy it’s also not about]

*looks at polyamorous triad* so which of you is the soldier and which is the poet and which is the king

my actual vampire hot take is that if you're going to be a 'vegetarian' vampire (a vampire that only drinks the blood of animals) you MUST have hunter education. i'm so sick of people being like oh well predator animals are mean and scary because they kill cute 'harmless' animals like NO they're crucial for the environment and if you're going to hunt animals for blood you still need to stick to regular people hunting guidelines and only hunt things that are in season and abide by your areas bag limits

vampire that did a detailed study about whether vampires can get prion diseases and concluded they can't and preferentially hunts animals with chronic wasting disease. and then incinerates the corpses.

vampire who is a woke predation abolitionist and so exclusively hunts predators, leaving primarily herbivorous and scavenging animals alone

always funny to remember darth vader is anakin skywalker. the adrenaline junkie chucklefuck who used to dive head first out of speeders and built a pod racer in his yard when he was like six is now upper-middle management for the evil empire. half of his appearances in the original trilogy are Meetings. vader spends like 80% of his time dealing with bureaucratic bullshit. status updates. team meetings. holo-Zooms. budget rundowns. anakin betrayed the jedi and caused the fall of the republic and his punishment is being CC'd on every email forever. and you know what. he would hate that. the punishment fits the criminal

can’t believe I had to read this with my own balls

i have for a while been using stepping on somebody's toes as a metaphor for misgendering. and i genuinely think that it's kind of a good one.

if you give a grovelling begging apology after accidentally stepping on somebody's toes one time you're going to make the whole thing awkward, but not giving a quick "sorry" before moving on is still kind of rude.

Having a really long-term hyperfixation that has since faded is terrifying yes but it's also so embarrassing. Hi I used to think about Scrimblo Splungus 25/7. Yeah, for 2 years straight. Nah, I don't think about them anymore except for with a vague sense of melancholy as I recall how they used to make me feel. Anyways this new one, Blimpkins McGee? I'm gonna think about them forever and the cycle will NOT repeat in 2 years. Trust me guys.

why is it always a male character going mad avenging his dead wife and never a female character cradling her dying pure of heart husband in her arms then dragging the whole world down with her

First of all, this is a very clever use of this gif. Secondly, fuck you.

AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

This is such an abstract type of comedy I don’t even know how to handle it