zoologically improbable

if i ever had godlike powers over the nature of animals i'd just make crabs smarter. like on par with crows or something. you'll walk out onto the pier at night and see a group of crabs working together to drag an unconscious man into the water. you can't help him now. he's gone.

if I was a trump staffer I'd be showing him realistic AI generated videos of Frankenstein beating people up

Mister President it happened again. You have to help them. Please you have to help america.

the Stanford penis experiment

Also just to clear up any further confusion, cerebrospinal fluid (as the name implies) is contained to just your brain and spinal cord. The rest are protected by mucous

i really don’t have the time to be the way i am

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

i think taylor swift wishes she was bisexual because she knows it would make her slightly more money. whereas sabrina carpenter wishes she was bisexual so she could have sex with someone who looks exactly like herself. and ariana grande wishes she was bisexual because she did too many designer drugs on the set of wicked and now she has kin memories of being glinda for real

There is,,, a lobster. On the way

There is a lobster somewhere in the facility but we don’t know where

This is not a joke btw I was supposed to receive and acclimate a lobster today but I waited around in the lobby for an hour before finding out that the Lobster Deliverer went around back and gave the lobster to the aquarist and he went out on a diving trip without telling anyone where he put the lobster. There is literally a lobster here somewhere and we can’t find it. Lobster location unknown.

Update he put it in one of the lobster traps tied to the pier. Which is fine, that’s where it was gonna go anyway until we set up its display, but I would’ve preferred to acclimate it before plopping it into the ocean. But the hooligan has been contained. There will be no surprise lobster attacks today.

Oh my god happy anniversary to that time we misplaced Neptune!!!!