On the subject of "they're just attention seeking" inside and outside of system communities. 💓
I have a lot of thoughts on this subject!!
Firstly, I will never claim someone is faking their experiences! I would rather believe someone who was mistaken, or lying, as opposed to risking dismissing someone who was struggling. The idea of conditional allyship is difficult for everyone involved, and often makes the groups people are trying to protect equally afraid that, if they step "out of line" they will too, be ridiculed, shamed or isolated.
I also don't believe we should insult, demean or ostracize people who are discovered to be faking, because compassion, and desire to support instead of scrutinize, is important.
Also, attention seeking always (!!) has a reason. Someone might not be given adequate attention; be taught they need to be dependent on attention to exist; be struggling and not sure how else to express that; or, in financial distress and relying on attention to gain money for survival. It's not a meaningless mechanism, or one that deserved to be shamed. Even without a negative reason, we are, generally, social creatures!!
I would also say that viewing "attention seeking" as invalidating experiences mayyy be rooted in misogyny (this isn't saying people who say it are misogynistic, please understand I am not saying this as an accusation!!) due to the history of "female hysteria" and the perception of "attention seeking" and "being dramatic" invalidating people subject to misogyny. We even see this today, where people will seek out medical care, mental health support, or general emotional catharsis, and be reduced to a "hysterical woman who is dramatic and attention seeking" and, consequently, this might be something that would be helpful to consider, and untangle!
There are also some ableist undertones in the concept, as some people (e.g those with HPD or NPD) are dependent on attention, and don't always search for that in ways that are ideal. Everyone deserves compassion, and understanding. 💓
