deliriously ripping open the sexy fishnet tights of a beautiful woman named bag of mandarins

Fuuuck I just loss 20000 dollars in adverisement revenue and potential sales when that guy over there didn’t look at my flyer because he was talking to the girl he was walking with. The sensible option here is to ban talking while walking since it’s literally theft.

you like me... ? *enters your bloodstream*

Times Square installation of Jenny Holzer’s neo-conceptual text-based art.

his fish too big for his goddamn he

Every man thinks a conversation is a script and he is CHRISTIAN BALE and u are GIRL #3

so bECAUSE OF THE UPDATE I WENT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING AT 12AM SO NATURALLY SOMEONE THOUGHT I WAS BEING MURDERED AND CALLED THE POLICE AND WHEN THEY GOT HERE I HAD TO GIVE THEM MY EXPLANATION FOR SCREAMING AT 12AM SO I JUST SAID HOMESTUCK AND ONE OF THE COPS EYES SUDDENLY GOT REALLY BIG AND THEN HE SAID “IT UPDATED??!?” AND THEN HE READ THE UPDATE ON HIS PHONE I HAVE A GROWN POLICE MAN SITTING IN MY DRIVEWAY CRYING AND CURSING AT HUSSIE UNDER HIS BREATH HIS PARTER GAVE HIM A SHOCK BLANKET OH MY GOD 

I think on some level this isn’t even exactly a lie it’s sort of like when a 4 year old tells you that they can talk to dogs or they can fly when no one’s looking or whatever it’s like undeveloped brains not even knowing how to conceive of what a truthful statement is

fat hairy belly