allergic reactions are my hobby

Everyone envies me for my shrimp lighter

what they dont tell you about adulthood is that it’s startlingly easy to go long periods of time without having any fun at all not even a little bit. btw this causes ur brain to try to kill you with knives and hammers.

they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because I keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it

I should probably have a good scream. I feel like I’m a little overdue a blood curdling throat ripping yell

*sees a landmine* eh what the heck *steps on it and explodes*

I'm thinking of Symphony of the Sixth Blast Furnace by Evgeny Sedukhin again...

Fingerless gloves are the thigh highs of hands. I will not elaborate

wrong. ballroom gloves are the thigh highs of hands. fingerless gloves are the booty shorts of hands.

i have [gestures vaguely] my tendencies

i like it when people compliment me. i like it... when people like me. (looks around to make sure nobody is about to shoot me)