daydreaming dilemmas

this rest of the thread continues after the third tweet from the reblog.

like THE FULL THREAD is genuinely so reassuring.

sometimes, it is not enough to just know, sometimes you might need that reassurance of "do you really think of me when i'm away?" and someone reassuring you that yeah, they do. and evaluate that! trust that! just like op did.

and then learning that ykw, it's NOT any of my business really. and finding comfort in that trust that like. whether they are or aren't thinking of me, they really do love me.

I understand that Mary is somewhat of a blank slate (given how little she is in the original novel) and thus that ability to be able to project onto her would be appealing for an author because she is the most infrequently mentioned Bennet sister. But equally, she is seldom in the story because she is not particularly relevant to the plot; it's not an oversight on Austen's part. Her character is clearly defined and we have a good sense of who Mary is (selfish and sanctimonious, rather than neglected and overlooked) even if there are not entire chapters dedicated to her.

There's a reason we have so many scenes of Austen heroines and other respectable ladies demurring when first asked to play on the piano until the host/hostess insists some more. It isn't modesty, it's morality, and it's why Mary not waiting to be asked to play and not being aware of when she's performed an excessive amount is judged so harshly.

I don't personally agree with a lot of regency lady behavioural standards, but to contemporary readers Mary is attention seeking and vain, not demonstrating any modesty or that demure behaviour which spoke of a woman having good principles. In that way she's way more like Kitty and Lydia then modern audiences can easily see, though their exhibiting takes very different avenues. But it was still an indicator of improper principles.

It's why she's included in the 'that total want of propriety so frequently, so almost uniformly betrayed by [your mother], by your three younger sisters, and occasionally even by your father' (ch35) line that Darcy writes to Elizabeth. She isn't just awkward, unlikeable, or not well rounded - she was often completely lacking propriety. Elizabeth names this judgement on her family a 'mortifying, yet merited reproach ... The justice of the charge struck her too forcibly for denial' (ch36). She doesn't make an excuse for Mary, but includes her equally in the condemnation against the behaviour of Mrs Bennet, Kitty, and Lydia.

Here's the definition of the word propriety, as I believe Austen used it in this context, from the Oxford English Dictionary: 'Conformity to accepted standards of behaviour or morals, esp. with regard to good manners or polite usage; seemliness, decorousness, decency; (observance of) convention.' That is what contemporary audiences, and the sensible characters within Pride and Prejudice itself, thought Mary was lacking. She has a problem with morals, good manners, and decorum. Not awkwardness or being unlikeable, nor shyness or trouble socialising (and in fact, I'd argue that Mary's behaviour is the opposite of shy). Though she's such a minor character it isn't as important a change, many modern interpretations of Mary are very similar to the 'Darcy isn't a snob, he's just socially awkward!' thinking which ignores the book canon.

I'm also a proponent of the idea that, where Kitty and Lydia demonstrate the flaws of seeking experiences and no reflection, Mary demonstrates the flaws of seeking only reflections and disdaining a lot of real world experiences. A situation rectified somewhat at the ending of the book, as with her sisters gone, 'Mary was obliged to mix more with the world, but she could still moralize over every morning visit' (ch61). Hopefully this situation also made her more self-aware, and less inclined to put herself forward indelicately when she didn't feel the need to compete for recognition.

It's so understandable that modern readers project social awkwardness and shy bookish-ness onto Mary, because social standards of behaviour have altered so much in 200+ years and she's a minor character, but Austen did actually write her as confident and forward to the point of vanity and disregarding morals. I have yet to see any novel that focuses on Mary recognise that, and work within that framework for her character arc. And, because it's missed, so too is the nuance of why she's disparaged by the narrator and not praised or particularly liked by Elizabeth and Jane.

This has a flow-on effect of authors needing to find some justification for why Mary is so overlooked, which, since they don't recognise Mary's own flaws, generally means they need to invent or exaggerate flaws in other characters. Which is why you get characters suddenly focusing on likeability, or looks, or social prowess, to a degree that they never did in canon, if at all. I enjoy reimaginings, but you have to be really careful and knowledgeable when making beloved characters shallower or meaner in a way they weren't in canon in order to white-wash a minor character for it to work well, and I'm not convinced they've done that in this instance.

I know I've been very harsh on Mary's character here, so I should add the disclaimer that I actually adore Mary, as I do Kitty and Lydia (yes, even Lydia). They're teenagers whose education (and emotional well being, in the case of at least Mary and Kitty) has been neglected and thrown out into society at a young age to figure it out for themselves, so I'm not at all surprised they've misstepped and gone too far in seeking external validation. Mary sure as hell didn't get enough of it growing up. But Mary isn't judged by the world because she doesn't fit the pretty, sociable, likeable mold her other sisters do, she's judged because of her own actions and the values that demonstrates to respectable society.

I think that Mary has fallen victim to the Classic Autism Blunder- if someone tells you "this is what you need to be successful! Here is a list of concrete skills and talents you can acquire! Here's a bunch of frustratingly nebulous social skills you need to cultivate!", and you're on the spectrum, it's really easy to go "cool! I will do the concrete stuff that I know I can learn how to do and ignore all the boring difficult social graces!" Except that, outside some very very rare circumstances, the horrible social bullshit is the part that is going to make or break whether you can be successful.

So Mary is working very very hard to Be Accomplished- the piano! the moralizing! The reading! - and to show off that she's Accomplished. But she's presumably largely self-taught (you think Mr. Bennett is paying for tutors? Hah.), and so is not as good at any of this as she thinks she is. When you factor in that she's lacking in social graces to boot, she's embarrassing herself. But she doesn't have the social skills to even notice that this is what is happening, much less understand why she needs to notice.

If I were going to write her, I'd probably have her be able to realize that people don't really seem to like her or to appreciate her accomplishments... and have no earthly idea why, because no one has been able to get through to her why what she's doing is wrong. She knows that people react really badly to her when she plays the piano without being asked or when she tries to show off her Deep and Profound Learning. But she's under the very mistaken belief that she just isn't trying hard enough, and if she can just impress them enough with her Accomplishments (TM) then maybe, maybe, people will start to like her.

(And, tbh, I don't think anyone has tried particularly hard to explain it to her. Jane is too kind to point out someone else's flaws, Elizabeth finds Mary super grating and interacts with her as little as possible, Mrs. Bennett doesn't care because it doesn't seem to get in the way of her Look How Accomplished My Daughter Is Please Put A Ring On Her quest, and Mr. Bennett encourages her to be Like That because he thinks it's super funny.)

And the problem for Mary is... I've said it before, I'll say it again- most modern fiction set in the Regency* is functionally fantasy, it's just set in a world where social graces are magic. If you're writing A Bridgerton, everyone wants to see the heroine destroy her rival or the local Lady Catherine equivalent with three carefully chosen words and a spockbrow, without being visibly impolite. They want to see the hero and heroine verbally duking it out as a way of carefully testing each other's boundaries. Dances are wizard duels. The drawing room is a battleground.

If you look at it through that lens, Mary Bennett is actually a pretty common hero archetype- she's the kid with no talent for magic who is, functionally, trapped at wizardy death school. If you're a woman in a Regency romance, and you don't get married, you're boned, and everyone knows it. But Mary does not really have the skills to come out of The Season with a man on her arm, and everyone knows that, too. So Mary has to use whatever other skills she has- some of which will still get her a 'good grade in Accomplished Lady', some of which 'wizardy' society has no interest in- to get by.

I think you could get a really good story out of... say, a German princeling coming to town, who happens to be the most neurodivergent man in the three nearest continents, who thinks Mary's flavour of doggedly persistent autism is deeply charming. He appreciates that she can speak his language- in both senses- even if her grammar isn't quite up to snuff. He's well-read in like six different languages, he's interested in science and art and morals and would like a woman who's actually interested in debating all of these things, he's incredibly sick of the petty social-wizardy death game that is the marriage market, and he'd very much like to find a wife this year and be done with it.

Mary has to deal with her mom shoving her at him by any means necessary in ways that even she can realize are profoundly embarrassing. And with the fact that, at first, she kind of hates this guy, because he's willing to do things like 'play devil's advocate for atheism to make you really defend why religion is important', which she sees as Absolutely Heinous and Rascally Behaviour. But because of her mom's clumsy social maneuvering, they're always kind of stuck in the same room together, and he's the only person who isn't constantly reacting to her like she's doing something wrong for reasons she can't ascertain...

...and she's slowly realizing, through arguing with the princeling, that she's neither as well-read nor as deep of a thinker as she thought she was, and forcing herself to grow out of her Tumblrina Your Fave Is Problematic phase into having actual well-reasoned moral convictions of her own and being able to defend them...

...while making a fool of herself, once she's decided that courting him is necessary, by trying desperately to impress him with her other Accomplishments (TM), which would not be particularly impressive to him even if she was as good as she thinks she is, and she is not nearly there....

...and realizing that, no, this man is not a rascal, he's also got strong moral convictions and is also willing to defend them, and they're actually perfectly suited for each other if she can catch up to him intellectually.

It'd be about Mary figuring out how to woo and live with this man in a way that actually works for the both of them, rather than trying to follow her broken-ass social scripts that she can't really pull off. About her finally dropping the idea of Being Accomplished Being The Way To Find Love And Respect. About both of them figuring out how to handle the social obligations that come with being a Goddamn Rich Person without going insane, and having an easier time of it when they've got someone else to lean on.

I think that's an incredibly compelling story and one where Mary is absolutely the heroine, no character assassination needed.

see. the thing is, i think mary's whole deal reflects a certain attempt to appeal to her father. the man who just wants to read all day.

she was never going to be liked by her mother, she doesn't have it in her. but father liked elizabeth for being clever, so it made sense for mary to try to book-learn her way into his sponsorship. it didn't work. he had a favorite already, and mary has no wit to recommend her.

but elizabeth is gone. she isn't coming back. she has left their household forever.

so for the first time ever, for a few years at least, mary has a real chance of getting her father's attention.

and if coming to him for attention, an annoying behavior I'm sure he discourages as much as possible, turns into coming to his library in order to get materials to try to make an actually good argument to get back at that horrid german boy with next time, he might actually be drawn into engaging with her, and her now more sincerely intellectual ambitions. and like. belatedly actually provide her with some of the education he undoubtedly received as a matter of course.

so she winds up building an actual relationship with her father, as a teenager, as a side effect of the one she's building with A Boy.

come one, come all! we’ve got:

- popular queer headcanons people agreeing are basically canon (aroace ryland grace)

- unhinged crossover shipping that ends up trending on tumblr (bloodymary/simon from iron lung) which doesn’t take away from the aroace headcanon at all

- a sibling au birthing beautiful manips that the Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons fandom would be proud of (coltland twins, courtland gentry, etc)

Eva Stratt who insisted on being the first to be tested for the comatose gene

Eva Stratt who made sure the ship computer knew the crew's exact coffee orders, even Grace, down to the most precise measurements

Eva Stratt who illegally acquired thousands of video games for the hail mary crew, despite the fact they'd be in a coma for the majority of the trip

Eva Stratt who sent a school teacher into space because she knew he was a fundamentally good man

Eva Stratt who would betray the closest thing she had to a friend because she knew there was no other choice

Eva Stratt who would do anything to save the Earth, no matter the cost

Eva Stratt who desperately wished she could be the one to make the sacrifice instead

Eva Stratt who couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to

Eva Stratt who studied history, and had seen the way the world would become

Eva Stratt who was terrified by it

Eva Stratt who knew she would would go without credit

Eva Stratt who knew no statues would be built of her

Eva Stratt who knew she would never be a hero

Eva Stratt who did it all anyway

They get flagged on your blog AND in your queue, and sometimes you can't even tell what the fuck was even in the post so you can give a justification for asking an appeal

And if you aren't scrolling your own blog or queue constantly like a maniac, you won't even know the reblog is flagged cuz they get put in your Review Flagged Posts section of your app and website, somewhere NOBODY even checks, and has no number next to it to tell you how many posts are in there

I got reblogs flagged all the way to 2017 in there, and the only way to know is to SCROLL DOWN

And the cherry on that bullshit Sunday is that some of these reblogs can be flagged without you even being able to appeal them like I have a bunch of them which are simply impossible to appeal, even if yet again the post is completely innocent