Out on their boat, Stan and Ford encounter Mermando, who wants to become human so he can spend a summer in Gravity Falls. Of course, they’ll have to teach him a little about human culture first (perhaps not a job suited for a recovering amnesiac and a man 30 years behind the times).
Or, Alternatively: How Many Disney Song Titles Can I Fit into One Fic
“Ah, Mermando,” Ford greeted, polite yet bewildered. They had already said their goodbyes to the friendly merpeople and were presently preparing to depart from this sector of the ocean. “What can we do for you?”
“Once again, on behalf of my entire family, I offer my thanks to you two for your service in helping attain a peace treaty between us and the manatee kingdom.”
“Your gratitude and esteem is thanks enough,” said Ford.
“And the treasure,” added Stan, currently fawning over his chest of pearls and gold doubloons.
“In addition,” Mermando interjected, somewhat bashful. “I come with a request. Not on behalf of my parents or anything. Something more…personal.”
Ford waved a hand for him to go on.
“Well you see, due to my former predicament, I never truly got to enjoy my time among the humans. And after much yearning, I decided I would very much like to be part of your world, just under better circumstances.”
“You’re asking if you can hitch a ride with us to Gravity Falls?” Stan asked, the exchange distracting him from his horde.
“Just for the summer,” Mermando supplied quickly. “I convinced my parents it would a, ah, cultural learning experience.”
Stan guffawed, appreciating the kid’s moxie.
“And there is so much I wish to learn,” Mermando declared, flushed with enthusiasm. “For instance, what is this fire, and what’s it called when you stick your hand in it?”
“A burn,” said Ford, at the same time Stan said, “Stupid.”
“I understand, of course, if you decline the responsibility. But should you say yes, it would make my 16 hearts would pound with joy!”
“16 hearts?” Ford’s eyes lit up. “Fascinating.”
“What Poindexter means is,” Stan said wryly, “it’s no trouble, really. An extra mouth to feed, but Mabel will be ecstatic to meet her fish friend again - couldn't shut up about ya the first time, I swear - so whatever, that makes it worthwhile.”
Mermando’s cheeks split with a smile. “Muchas gracias!”
“Although, come to think of it, would be a whole lot easier for you to get the human experience as a full-fledged human being.” He side-eyed Ford inquiringly. “Is that an option?”
Ford strode purposefully towards the cabin, babbling all the while. “Fortunately, merperson anatomy appears to be at least 50% similar to a human’s, which are statistics I should be able to work with,” he said optimistically, procuring a bone-saw from his work space.
Mermando and Stan glanced at each other, the former sweating profusely.
“Slow down, Dr. Frankenstein,” Stan halted. “Why don’t we just ask that sea hag we met a couple leagues back if she’s up to it?”
Ford made a vaguely disappointed noise but acquiesced. “Very well, if you insist.”
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