You: “A tank that weird looking was probably really expensive, huh?”
You: “Seems kind of form over function. Like, it’s cool that you can have a clear view from the top, but there’s only a tiny hole at the top. It has to be an absolute pain in the ass to do any work in there.”
Me: “It is ridiculously annoying, yes.”
You: “At least you only have to set everything in the tank up once?”
Me: “Oh, no, I do a total revamp every few months and rearrange the entire goddamn thing. Just did it today. Took 4.5 hours and got dirty water on all of me. By the end there was more dirty water on me than there was in the aquarium to begin with, somehow. It was truly unpleasant. But, you know, a change of scenery is good enrichment for the fish.”
You: “… so how many fish do you have in there?”
You: “Is it at least a BIG fish?”
Me: “Funny you should ask! It’s a single dwarf pea puffer! He’s ridiculously tiny! He also happens to be wildly aggressive, so I can only have one fish in that tank!”
You: “Is he easy to take care of?”
Me: “Haha, no, he only eats live food! Not even frozen or freeze dried, he wants the kill! He’ll settle for bloodworms but his whole fucking jam is snails, so I had to buy a special tool to scrape pest bladder snails off the glass of my other aquariums with, and then I have to dump them in his tank and watch him methodically murder them. He is incredibly efficient at sucking their unsuspecting bodies right out of their shell in one incredibly fast tactical strike.”
You: “Well, you must really, uh, love that fish?”
Me: “Hm? Oh, yeah, the fish. I guess he’s fine.”
You: “Then why the hell would you even have such a ridiculous setup-“
Me, clutching your shirt collar, breathing very loudly, eyes filled with the anguish that only someone who has seen their favorite aquarium plants eaten alive can ever know: “Because I fucking. hate. bladder. snails.”
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