Detrans Anonymous

You can be trans-positive or gender critical, but this is not the place to debate

Desisters are welcome to submit

Male, female and intersex people welcome to submit

Please specify if you are were ftm, mtf, non binary when relevant

Polls, confessions, open ended questions welcome

Non detrans people cannot submit except on occasion when I host Question-To-Detrans events on occasion

No submissions engaging in the detrans kink will be accepted. Talking about it is okay if it has affected your transition/detransition. Don't be kinky in the inbox but mentioning the kink is fine

Mild NSFW topics are okay (mentioning sexual activities, talking about genitalia), within reason

I block detrans kink accounts engaging with my posts on sight. These are vulnerable confessions, not your jerk off material

Will update rules if necessary, but ill make a post when I do to notify people

Goal

As a highly debated topic with two polarized sides, it's hard for people to get a larger holistic view of the detrans/desister perspective. I want this place to be where we can share regardless of the paths we've chosen, and where nondetrans people can learn about us, rather than being secluded to their different political pockets.

Back in second grade, a girl in my class asked me if I was straight or gay. I said I didn’t understand what those words meant. She tried to explain. Said she was straight, and tried to explain what that meant. I didn’t fully understand and I couldn’t give an answer. I always found the conversation odd. Because did she ask everybody else that? But it was honestly probably my clothes and mannerisms. That made her ask.

I know in some of the anti-very-young-transition studies they say that a lot of extremely GNC kids just grow up to be gay or bisexual rather than trans. And I suppose that happens to some people. Not me. I don’t think I’ve ever had a crush on a girl. I kind of forced myself to? In middle school? Based on weird assumptions about who “people like me” were into based on various media I’d seen. But I wasn’t actually attracted to her. It was more like, if I was hypothetically forced to date a girl (which I know would never happen), she would be my pick for person I would hate the least to be dating. Given that she was nice to me.

But when I actually transitioned into being a man, I don’t think I ever called myself gay. I can’t remember a time I used the word or any of the gay/MLM flags, or actually interacted with the mlm community. It’s probably one of many, many signs during my transition that I wasn’t actually comfortable being a man. Others sometimes saw me as a gay man? For better or for worse? But I don’t think I did. If you had called me straight to my face, I probably would have said that was transphobic. But I didn’t actually see myself as “not straight”. I was “a man who was attracted to other men”, yeah, but that didn’t feel gay in my mind.

The thing is that a lot of detrans straight women are… well… a lot of them are Christians, for one. I know one of the detransitioners in the news a lot is a born-again Christian. Which definitely makes me… doubt the motives of their detransition. It feels very “Christian ex-gay” vibes to me. Not a lot of them have more masculine presentations either. Which I do. I also actually like some of my masculine features from T too. If I do the math, there’s more about it I regret, and overall if I had the option to go back and not take it I would. But… like… I like what it did to my facial structure, for one. Even if I know that that’s not necessarily “attractive” to the average straight guy.

Honestly, so much “straight detrans” stuff is just detrans kink. Which, even if you manage to look past the “graphic depictions of raping someone to forcefully remind them of their female anatomy and make them stop being trans” parts of detrans kink (which I can’t), the vast majority of it doesn’t describe a consensual detransition. It is forcing yourself to deny your true identity and preferred presentation for a straight male partner. Part of the reason so many trans men attracted to men date each other is the sheer amount of horror stories about cis guys with this kink in real life. Who only date trans men in an attempt to manipulate them into femininity.

Why the fuck can’t kinksters keep to their tags?

I don’t want to imagine any of the shit you post. I don’t want to think of my detransition (full or partial or not at all, I still don’t know) as being for sexual purposes. I don’t want to be a sexual being in any way and I hate that you sexualize what I might do to myself. I know I can just ignore it. But it’s hard?

I don’t care about being, like, perfectly hairless or whatever. But the increased body hair from being on testosterone makes me feel really weird. Like, as soon as I got it I realized that this was not what I wanted. I remember posting to Reddit asking if I could still look like a guy and shave my legs. Because the increased hair from T felt like it was driving me mad. I got responses like “shaving your legs is, like, one of the things that guys really don’t do at all”, “maybe you could tell people that you’re on the swim team? and you shaved them to be more aerodynamic? otherwise no” and “if I saw a man with shaved legs I would probably assume “he” was a closeted trans woman”.

I want to do it again. But… I can’t really be trusted with razors. You know what I’m implying. I had to trash all of the ones at my house after a recent incident. Staying at the house of a relative who keeps lots of disposable razors feels like it’s driving me mad. I want to bring one of them home with me. But not to shave. At least not just to shave. I want to get to the point with myself where I could actually buy one and trust myself to keep it knowing it would never be used for ill intent. That would feel really nice. I was told transitioning would fix my problems. It very much didn’t. Then I was told detransitioning would fix my problems. It very much didn’t.

What were your transition goals before detransitioning?

send in an anon or answer in the notes!

If you need inspiration I'll put mine below the cut

The ftmtf tag is so filled with porn that it literally got marked mature. Which is so stupid. What the hell are minor detrans women supposed to do? And even adults have to be like “oh, guess detransition will make me a porn category now, fuck this”. I’m not ftmtf (I call myself ftmtx because I’m medically detransitioning but still consider myself somewhat nonbinary, not sure if that will change in the future) but I have solidarity with them and share a lot of experiences with them. And this is so unfair to them.

Every day I’m more convinced the radfems were right about the harms of unchecked porn. For a lot of reasons, but this too. Does everything need to be a fetish? And do fetishes need to get in the way of actual people finding communities? Also also you cannot convince me that the people posting this stuff could ever be normal about detrans women or really any detrans person. I know it’s a debate whether I count as detrans sometimes but I know I certainly would never feel safe around them.

Questioning whether I should detransition feels exactly the same as questioning whether I should transition. Aka “what can I focus on instead of my actual problems”.

I’m quitting HRT. I could start it again someday, but I most likely won’t. The surgeries I had planned aren’t 100% off the table for me. But they’re definitely on hold until I’m mentally stable enough to make that decision. Not sure when that would be. Maybe never. Maybe I’m just broken forever. Hopefully not.

Thank you detrans community/detrans spaces, you taught me a lot and I appreciate your existence. And likewise to the trans community/trans spaces. I don’t want to fully associate with either until I can be sure that my desire to do so isn’t just fancy avoidance.

“Am I Boy or Girl?” is so so far from the most important question in my life right now. The problem is that I don’t want to think about the other questions.

I know there’s that one “dysphoric lesbian headcanons” blog or whatever it’s called. That takes headcanons for ftm lesbians, ftx lesbians, detrans lesbians, and desisted lesbians. It’s kind of cool. But, like, I’m not a lesbian. I’ve never been a lesbian. I can sort of sometimes relate to lesbians, but we can be really different too.

There’s another primarily trans headcanon blog that agreed to also take detrans headcanons as long as the detrans person requesting it is still trans-supportive. Which is honestly pretty nice to see. It’s nice to see trans people supporting their inverse. But not a lot of detrans people actually send anything in, so it’s mostly trans stuff.

This is genuinely all I can think of. I know headcanon blogs are kind of silly anyway. But I do enjoy them, I guess.

And now I’m back to being jealous of everyone I see with acne. Male, female, doesn’t matter.

I don’t think it was ever about looking more masculine. Having acne, I mean. I think it was about looking unattractive.

I used to not believe that there was any social pressure to look pretty and people who talked about it were complaining about nothing. Because being good-looking was a curse and something no one would reasonably strive for.

And now I’m still resenting people who use acne treatments. Why do you want to get rid of what I wanted, what I still want?

One of the thing that made me believe I must be a trans man was my naturally masculine and hairy body post puberty. I believed that those physical trait somewhat made me a man.

Now, what actually hurt me in indsight was being told by a lot of friends, all trans men, that I would be a really ugly girl if I didnt transition, that transitioning saved me from ugliness. I still have tons of self hatred, and these types of comments make me scared to openly desist/detrans to my close circle…I feel like being "hot" or "desirable" is just as important to them as it is to most people, and that being ugly somewhat makes me less valuable.

I don’t consider myself ugly anymore. I don’t love myself but I don’t hate myself as much as before. Which is a win…but damn, I’m scared. I’m glad I’m now able to see that having masculine features doesn’t make me ugly or less a woman, it’s still hard to come to term with it, though. I feel like suddenly I’m not seen as "cool" or "subversive" anymore, and that I’m not apart of the "cool kid club" as they see it.

It’s isolating to say the least.

You know how trying to find detrans stuff on this website basically means you just find detrans kink porn (which sucks and I hate it)? That’s how I find out that the detrans kink tags were spammed with gore. I reported it for violent content. Like, I don’t like detrans kink as a concept. But the people who do it don’t deserve that. I feel bad enough for them already. I’m of the opinion that most “detrans kink” is just self-harm.

I hate trying to figure out who did this. Trans person angry that their worst nightmare (forced detransition by means of sexual violence) is being fetishized? Gender critical angry that trans people are fetishizing detransitioners? Just a fucking pervert who enjoys showing people graphic violence? Probably the latter.

I don’t have to support detrans kink to hope they get banned. Fuck this.

But I don’t want what I talk about to end up getting co-opted by Trump and MTG and that crowd. Like, the news coming out is just gross. Just because I didn’t like the results of my transition and wish I’d been presented with more options, doesn’t mean I want my doctor to be jailed.

“But we’re trying to protect kids!” Then get your pedo ass out of the White House. That would do way more to protect kids.

People who prey on children don’t get to have opinions about what would protect children. This applies to everyone. If you do that, your opinions don’t matter.