#actuallydetrans

a conversation between lunargaze and bisexual-slime

LG: I always warn people that casually wearing a binder led directly to a crazy increase in dysphoria & the feeling that I needed surgery immediately. A huge amount of the reason I ended up getting a mastectomy was to stop having to feel the panic-attack inducing compression of a binder. B-S: 6 years of consistent binding left me with increased muscle and joint pain and shortness of breath. I stopped for good November 2020 and I don't regret it. It also increased by chest dysphoria and now that I've stopped binding, I've found easier and healthier ways of coping. If you really must conceal your chest out of dysphoria, I'd suggest a comfortable sports bra (do NOT get one smaller than your size. get the correct size) and looser layers and fabrics. This has helped me massively, as has foregoing bras completely, sports bras included. I'd encourage you to at least give this method a shot because it's genuinely been so beneficial and helpful for me.

LG: Absolutely. If I had the thought to just like, stop wearing bras at that point in my life I can’t imagine how different things would be for me right now.

And let me tell you, nothing made my chest dysphoria worse than a mastectomy :/ it breaks my heart seeing more and more people like me expecting the affirming whole-feeling result and just ending up with more issues.

BS: I've always had chest dysphoria but it's only been in the past couple of years I've drifted away from the surgical route in favour of physical exercise to get the result I want. I recognised my goals were not realistic and my chest would always cause me problems post surgery, plus I was scared I would regret such a major operation so I just decided against it and decided I would prefer to implement a work out routine because I've seen that kind of thing done with smaller chests (I'm an A) so it seemed like an easier option. My heart always breaks for women who have been fed an idealistic image of themselves that can only be attained through surgery and end up with more mental and physical problems than they started out with.

a lot of detransitioners only took hormones for a few years or less, their transition was often a relatively short period of their life as a whole. and don't get me wrong, that's a good thing! i don't want other women to have to go through these experiences, i'm glad if anyone can get out early.

but i do feel like it's a vastly different experience in some ways for those of us who are in transition for extended periods of time. i've spent literally half my life denying my birth sex, and trying to become a different person. all of my adult years have been spent in a medically and surgically altered body.

i WISH that my transition had been a shorter phase in my life, if only because it is so much harder to undo the effects of transition (not just the physical changes- if anything the mental effects are harder to reconcile). i don't know how to return to my previous self, i feel like i've cut myself off from who i used to be permanently. and i don't know if other detransitioners accounts of physical feminization after quitting T will apply to me or not, because i was on T for so long, and i don't have ovaries anymore.

well, newsflash, there is no “right way”. If someone believed they were trans, lived as a trans person, experienced the ups and downs of gender dysphoria/euphoria, went thru the trouble of social and medical transition and through that journey, that person said “wait…I don’t think this fits me anymore.” seems pretty trans to me.

and that’s okay, it’s okay to change your mind. you were trans.

or if you want to say “I wasn’t trans I was x thing instead” that’s also okay.

what isn’t okay is to police other people’s language about their journey. to police someone’s identity because it makes you uncomfortable. like it or not, real trans people detransition. whether they decide they are actually cis, trans but in a different way, or another identity that fits them better is up to that individual person and doesn’t invalidate their previous LIVED EXPERIENCE as a trans person.

If your knee jerk reaction to someone saying they were trans for a period of time, then decided to detransition is “well you were never trans at all!” mayhaps examine why that’s the first thing you think to say, instead of something a bit more constructive or positive. Like what happened to “oh I’m glad you were able to find an identity that worked for you” as an example.

most detransitioners i see are detrans women. not that there's anything wrong with that but like.. still