QueerHuman

JOKING AROUND : I love jokes & pranks !!! At least well thought ones… John is quite good with them as I remember from back when I first read Homestuck, but he usually ends up being the butt of the joke too, which is its own kind of funny !!! So for being a hilarious & a little inexperienced prankster, that gives him a point in my list. 

HATES CAKE : I just… can you imagine having so much cake that you hate it ??? I sure can’t, what is going on in this guy’s life ??? I’m trying to get on his side on this, but honestly, his dad is super nice too so it’s difficult to see John’s point of view. For this he gets one point removed, I understand it is hard to accept your parent’s efforts, but c’mon, man. 

THAT DAMN MOVIE : John, you are an incredible character, full of charisma, fun & growth, but… I’m not watching Con Air to understand your references !!! I didn’t watch a single movie that he likes, not even Ghostbusters, and I intend on keeping it that way. I understand having bad taste, I’m judging Homestuck characters after all, but these are bad-bad. This takes one point out for him, I learned more about shitty movies than what I intended to, so screw that. 

TRANS ICON : To be honest, I don’t know where the idea of June Egbert came from, but it’s inspiring, original & gives an interesting development to an, sadly but true, basic character like John. Also, she is given the most breathtaking ( hehe ) outfits & designs, she just looks happier & more confident in those fanarts !!! For having such a strong headcanon, he gets a point, I’m still referring with masculine pronouns because that’s how it was in the comic. 

PEPSI COLA : To those who aren’t familiar with the term, it refers to the ship of John & Dave. Ah, baby’s first yaoi, Karkat was a hater for not including it on his shipping chart. I mean, John goes with Rose just because they could have kids when there’s ECTOBIOLOGY in that universe is ridiculous, no offense to their shippers. I used to like Pepsi Cola, it’s funny, it’s classic, it’s even cute !!! But have you considered… ???

FRESH PRINCE !!! : Look, do I know anything about Dirk Strider ??? No, but is that going to stop me from shipping him with John ??? Also no, if you like Pepsi Cola & Pumpkin, consider mixing them both plus a little bit of rivalry & epicness, there you get this ship which I read on Pinterest is called “Fresh Prince”. For being part of such an interesting & contradictory ship, John gets a point & I’m not touching the epilogues or Homestuck Two Electric Boogaloo as long as I can avoid them. 

TYPE 7 : According to the “Personality Database”, he is a type 7 in the enneagram, leaning towards 6 but I’m not touching that part; which means he has to keep himself in movement to avoid what pains him. Honestly, I never saw him that way, whenever he is faced with trouble he doesn’t go like “okay, let’s think of something else, what’s next ?”, to me he is more the type to wait for instructions & try to keep a balance in his life. I would say he is leaning more towards type 9, but maybe that’s my judgement of “protagonist syndrome” & I’m not seeing the bigger picture, I’m not sure of this. He gets one point because… maintaining calm when your father has been murdered but freaking out when you are ironing your pants & your friends abandoned you is quite an unique but entertaining character trait.

ENDING RESULT : John gets 4 points, so congratulations, we will have to find out how high that leaves him compared to other characters, but for now that’s pretty good !!!

( Drawing done by me, just in case you are wondering. )