I judge stuff like media or characters. English is not my first language. Feel free to suggest ideas for analysis about things you find interesting or give your own opinion !!! ( Always being respectful, obviosuly. )
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I'm starting from the protagonist, obviously, & then I'll keep with the other "Kids" as the first category. Honestly, I like John, but let's see how much my appreciation actually is. The analysis is under the cut to not cover everyone's page.
JOKING AROUND : I love jokes & pranks !!! At least well thought ones⦠John is quite good with them as I remember from back when I first read Homestuck, but he usually ends up being the butt of the joke too, which is its own kind of funny !!! So for being a hilarious & a little inexperienced prankster, that gives him a point in my list.Ā
HATES CAKE : I just⦠can you imagine having so much cake that you hate it ??? I sure canāt, what is going on in this guyās life ??? Iām trying to get on his side on this, but honestly, his dad is super nice too so itās difficult to see Johnās point of view. For this he gets one point removed, I understand it is hard to accept your parentās efforts, but cāmon, man.Ā
THAT DAMN MOVIE : John, you are an incredible character, full of charisma, fun & growth, but⦠Iām not watching Con Air to understand your references !!! I didnāt watch a single movie that he likes, not even Ghostbusters, and I intend on keeping it that way. I understand having bad taste, Iām judging Homestuck characters after all, but these are bad-bad. This takes one point out for him, I learned more about shitty movies than what I intended to, so screw that.Ā
TRANS ICON : To be honest, I donāt know where the idea of June Egbert came from, but itās inspiring, original & gives an interesting development to an, sadly but true, basic character like John. Also, she is given the most breathtaking ( hehe ) outfits & designs, she just looks happier & more confident in those fanarts !!! For having such a strong headcanon, he gets a point, Iām still referring with masculine pronouns because thatās how it was in the comic.Ā
PEPSI COLA : To those who arenāt familiar with the term, it refers to the ship of John & Dave. Ah, babyās first yaoi, Karkat was a hater for not including it on his shipping chart. I mean, John goes with Rose just because they could have kids when thereās ECTOBIOLOGY in that universe is ridiculous, no offense to their shippers. I used to like Pepsi Cola, itās funny, itās classic, itās even cute !!! But have you considered⦠???
FRESH PRINCE !!! : Look, do I know anything about Dirk Strider ??? No, but is that going to stop me from shipping him with John ??? Also no, if you like Pepsi Cola & Pumpkin, consider mixing them both plus a little bit of rivalry & epicness, there you get this ship which I read on Pinterest is called āFresh Princeā. For being part of such an interesting & contradictory ship, John gets a point & Iām not touching the epilogues or Homestuck Two Electric Boogaloo as long as I can avoid them.Ā
TYPE 7 : According to the āPersonality Databaseā, he is a type 7 in the enneagram, leaning towards 6 but Iām not touching that part; which means he has to keep himself in movement to avoid what pains him. Honestly, I never saw him that way, whenever he is faced with trouble he doesnāt go like āokay, letās think of something else, whatās next ?ā, to me he is more the type to wait for instructions & try to keep a balance in his life. I would say he is leaning more towards type 9, but maybe thatās my judgement of āprotagonist syndromeā & Iām not seeing the bigger picture, Iām not sure of this. He gets one point because⦠maintaining calm when your father has been murdered but freaking out when you are ironing your pants & your friends abandoned you is quite an unique but entertaining character trait.
ENDING RESULT : John gets 4 points, so congratulations, we will have to find out how high that leaves him compared to other characters, but for now thatās pretty good !!!
( Drawing done by me, just in case you are wondering. )
Look, I know it's a little "unprofessional" to judge a piece of media that I didn't finished reading, but last time I tried a son of a gun almost calls me a slur, so I might not touch that comic for a long time... still love the music, though, it's incredible !!!
But I ā Homestuck, so I couldn't leave it without my judgement, then what I'm doing is judging the characters... by what the fandom thinks of them & getting an idea from that. Look, it might not be the most EFFICIENT method, but it sure it's interesting !!!