Twilight Blog

Don't kill Victoria in Eclipse; her gift is evasion, if anyone could escape, it's her! Actually, don't kill Laurent either. He dies off screen, it wouldn't really change anything. He can get his original happy ending with Irina.

Make the "Riley" Mike Newton, or Eric Yorkie, or Tyler Crowley. Someone Bella knew, someone local. In the book we don't meet Riley until his death scene so why should we care about him? The horror and tragedy of one of Bella's schoolmates being used and corrupted by Victoria would be much more narratively satisfying, and would give the human kids like, a purpose in the story other than existing to love or be jealous of Bella.

Tempted to do something similar with Bree, but it might be overkill to have two kids from Forks end up in the Seattle newborn army. So EITHER make 'the Riley' someone Bella knew, or 'the Bree' but maybe not both.

If we must stick with the basic Breaking Dawn outline, then Victoria living to the end of the story keeps the flow of the original antagonist. If the "Riley" survives he can be the one to report Renesmee's existence to the Volturi (as he did in Forever Dawn), if not, Victoria can get someone else to do it.

Name drop more of the Breaking Dawn visiting vampires earlier in the series. The only ones we had really heard about before were Peter & Charlotte and the Denali 'cousins.' I don't know about anyone else, but my impression from the first three books were that these were like, the only people willing to put up with the weirdo Cullens. Them suddenly having loads of friends willing to risk their lives for them felt like it came out of nowhere. It was fun to meet Peter & Charlotte and the Denali because we had heard of them before; everyone else felt like they came out of nowhere. Maybe when Bella is getting a tour of the house there can be gifts from other vampires ("is that . . . is that an Ancient Egyptian canopic jar?" "Oh, yes, a gift from Carlisle's friend Amun), or name them specifically in Eclipse when they are trying to find people to help them after the Denali refuse.

Have a few more vamps (other than Garrett) go vegetarian in the end. There's this whole big speech about about how special this diet makes them and then like . . . no follow up at all. Whatever you think of the premise of vegetarian vampires, it's just unsatisfying that it doesn't really go anywhere. The only convert is Garrett, who does it for Kate, not actually because he was inspired by the Cullens or whatever.

Bella forgets Edward in New Moon.

She's pretty much comatose for three months, has her werewolf adventure with Jacob, and almost dies on the cliffs. But when she awakens on the beach with Jacob, Bella as No Memory of Edward or his family. She remembers moving to Forks. She remembers Jacob. Hell, she remembers bits and pieces of James and his coven (and something of an angel but she doesn't understand it) But everything else is just blank.

And everyone just decides that's for the best.

She's still hurting but doesn't know why and yet she's better. Without his memory to haunt her (but she still has dreams of someone and hums a song she doesn't recall), Bella begins to recover.

Alice sees the cliff but also sees that she's fine...until she sees something else. An attack.

Victoria attacks Bella when she runs off to find the meadow, a place she barely remembers but longs to be (and this is how Harry Clearwater dies, having heard that Bella was missing and going out to help Charlie look for her, he dies for her and Charlie) and Bella winds up in the hospital. Edward calls and hears about the funeral (and thinks she's dead), Alice comes to find her in order to save him.

But Bella has no idea who she is or what she's talking about.

She shows her the photographs Edward hid away, plays a recording of Bella's Lullaby, tells her everything about him but nothing works. And Bella is terrified of them because, at this point, the only vampires she knows are the ones that have tried to kill her. But she goes with her to Italy because, somehow, Alice is able to prove that Bella loved this boy at one point, even if she doesn't remember it, and she saves him for reasons she doesn't understand.

But now the Volturi know about Bella and she is to be killed or turned and Edward is left in the midst of a love story long forgotten...

Edit:

@edwardskhakipants i saw your tags and it's changed everything. Instead of Edward pulling a Romeo and running off to Volterra to kill himself, he goes to Forks himself, half-feral with heartbreak.

But he saves her!

Edward pulls Bella from the water and delights in her, promising himself that he'll never make this mistake again, he won't ever leave her...and when she opens her eyes, the eyes he's seen in the stars every night, there's nothing.

Just nothing.

She doesn't know him. She doesn't remember him.

But her hand still touches his face gently, mumbling something about angels...meanwhile, Alice DID go to Volterra (because that was his likely future and going to Forks was a surprise, she didn't see it) and Aro read her mind, knowing everything now...which means they have two problems, two armies on thier backs. Because Edward broke two laws, revelation the truth to Bella without turning her and entering the reservation, thus breaking the treaty. And Victoria adds a third army to the mix.

On top of all of that, Edward is desperately trying to get Bella to remember him again, knowing that some part of her must still love him.

Edward: I know, I know.

Bella: You speak Spanish?