Rufus has several other siblings from his father messing around where he shouldn’t, Tseng walks in on all of them murdering President Shinra (he doesn’t get paid enough for any of this godbless)
*Tseng walks around the corner to file some evening paperwork, immediately stops in his tracks. Rufus is sweating profusely as he drags President Shinra’s completely unconscious body by one leg*
Rufus: What—oh! Tseng! Excellent timing. My father was suddenly feeling faint, so I was simply taking him out to get some fresh air.
Tseng: Fresh air. In a city where the atmospheric toxicity levels are at a permanent 93% due to mako fumes.
Tseng: And your solution for a fainting spell involves dragging the Chief Executive by his ankle like a sack of potatoes.
Rufus: It improves blood flow to the brain.
Tseng: Sir. There’s a rectangular, bleeding indentation on his forehead. Did you hit the President of the Shinra Electric Power Company with a brick?
Rufus, offended: It was a bar of solid gold from the vault. I’m not a savage, Tseng.
Tseng: SIR—I can’t—oh for Gaia’s sake. Now I’m going to have to explain to the board how the President was killed by his only son.
*Lazard drags in a body bag*
Lazard: Rufus, will this do or are we still sticking to the trash bags to match his character?
Rufus: Oh yeah, it turns out Lazard is my half brother.
*Evan Townshend comes bouncing around the corner, jingling a massive ring of keys*
Evan: Hey, guys! I successfully distracted the guard and snagged the keys to the incinerator!
Tseng: Who’s child is that!?
Rufus: Evan. My other half brother from my father’s excursion to the slums.
Rufus: That we know of. It’s a miracle the company hasn’t gone bankrupt on child support alone.
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