never going to shut up about miniroth
NEVER SHUTTING UP ABOUT BABY ANGEAL EITHER BITCHES HAHAAAA
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@rottenpumpkin13
never going to shut up about miniroth
NEVER SHUTTING UP ABOUT BABY ANGEAL EITHER BITCHES HAHAAAA

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Were there times when Genesis felt maternal toward Sephiroth?
Angeal: Hey, Gen, I’ve been meaning to bring this up for a while now, but... don’t you think you should dial it back a little?
Genesis: Dial what back?
Angeal: You acting maternal towards Sephiroth. Ever since he told us about his childhood you’ve been acting like his mother.
Genesis: I most certainly have not. So what, because I want a dear friend to be comfortable, suddenly I’m maternal? Honestly, Angeal, that accusation is completely ridicul—
*He spots Sephiroth across the hall*
Genesis: Sephiroth, that protein bar better not be counting as lunch! Do you want me to embarrass you by taking your hand and marching you into the mess hall to assemble a proper plate? And Minerva preserve me, your hair is in your eyes again. How are you supposed to train when you can only see seventy percent of the battlefield? Oh, for the love of—
*Angeal watches Genesis stride down the hall, tie Sephiroth’s hair back, hand him an apple, straighten his collar, brush a bit of lint off his shoulder, and ruffle his hair*
Sephiroth: <3
Angeal: ...
Genesis, walking back: And drink some water! No, that is not water, that is coffee. Those are different substances!
Angeal: ...
Genesis: Anyway, as I was saying, that accusation is completely preposterous.
Angeal: Wow.
Darkstar starts bringing random stuff, trash, and food to Rufus. A way of saying, "Look at what I found for you!"
I love any scenario that reminds us that Rufus may be the Vice President of Shinra, heir to an absurd fortune, and one of the most powerful men on the Planet, but at the end of the day he’s still just a pet owner, which means he has to deal with pet owner problems™
Rufus: Oh? What did you bring me, my darling Is that another stick? A coin? Or a—HEY. NO. DARKSTAR THAT’S A MOLDY HOT DOG—NO DON’T RUN—OPEN YOUR MOUTH. DEE. OPEN.
*Darkstar immediately begins chewing faster. Rufus is now engaged in a physical struggle with them over the hot dog*
(Ten feet away)
Zack: I still don’t understand why we can’t just get a raise. The economy can’t be that bad.
Angeal, pointing: The Vice President of the richest corporation on the Planet is currently fighting his dog for a bite of a moldy hot dog. And you say the economy isn’t that bad?
Zack: Yeah, fair point :/
Time Traveler Cloud goes back in Time to save the world from Sephiroth, but he goes back a lot far away than planned and he ends in front of a babyroth, 5 years old, with bandages.
A sad kid, without any toy in his tiny white room without window.
Babyroth: Professor Hojo wants to do another experiment?"
Cloud: No
Babyroth: Ho…it's a test to see my reaction?
Cloud: No!
Babyroth holding his tears: do I have the right to eat something now?
Cloud: Since when didn't you have eaten?
Babyroth: I have cried during the last experiment, yesterday, so i didn't have the right to anything until now! Just only one glass of water.
Cloud:
Cloud: Do you want to go in a adventure?
Babyroth: Playing is foolish, it's what professior Hojo said. He said i have better things to do, as being his subject. A weapon. I'm not a normal child.
Cloud, having suddently his murder instinct switching from Sephiroth to Hojo: ….
Cloud to himself: after all, i do'nt need to kill Sephiroth if i stops him to become broken and crazy, right?
One month later, Vincent is awaken by a panicked Cloud who has some hard time to adjust to his new paternity.
But Babyroth lifes his best life for now.
New delicious food.
A plushie.
Chocobo
Candies.
Vincent was genuinely asleep. So when Cloud barges into his chamber, throws open the coffin, and starts shaking him awake, Vincent is operating at approximately 3% mental capacity because he’s half asleep. And half asleep Vincent is the type who wakes up and doesn’t know what year it is, what dimension he’s in, or whether or not he’s still dreaming.
And now there’s a blond man he doesn’t know standing over him, holding child Sephiroth. What’s worse is that Cloud is physically incapable of giving context before his statements, because he assumes Vincent knows who he is and what there is to prevent in the future.
Cloud, holding Sephiroth: Vincent, quick, I need you to help me raise this child.
Vincent, half asleep: Lucrecia you’ve changed your hair.
One of AGSZC needs glasses. Or maybe already secretly wore contacts but one day couldn’t be bothered to put them in.
Also, maybe this would cause chaos at Shinra public relations.
Genesis, holding glasses: Look at these light filter lenses, developed specifically for mako-enhanced vision. Apparently the eye strain from extended field exposure accumulates and these are supposed to help with the headaches. Tech division sent up a prototype pair.
Angeal: Those are actually quite nice.
Sephiroth: Put them on.
Genesis, slipping them on: Well? Do I look distinguished? Scholarly? Like an attractively well-read literature professor with a published collection?
Angeal: You look like the supreme emperor of all nerds. The founding father of nerdkind. The nerd other nerds write academic papers about. The nerd that gets cited in footnotes. The patron saint of every library, every reading corner, every teenage boy who ever got shoved in a locker.
Genesis: EH—
Angeal, putting them on: Here, let me try. Hm...hey do these make me look older?
Sephiroth: Nonsense. You don’t look a day over fifty.
Angeal: Oh, screw you. Here, your turn.
*He puts the glasses on Sephiroth*
*A golden aura blooms from his being*
*Two Seconds walking past trip over each other and go down*
*A holy, ethereal sound rings out*
*Kunsel, who has never voluntarily removed his helmet in a public space, removes his helmet and takes a knee*
*Lazard appears in the doorway, looks, and produces a handkerchief to wipe away a tear*
*Zack sprints in from somewhere, skids to a stop, drops to one knee, and produces a ring from his pocket*
Sephiroth: ...
Genesis: OF COURSE

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Can we see some more drunk Angeal shenanigans? Paritcualry Lazard's reaction
*Lazard runs into Sephiroth at a Shinra party*
Lazard: You're not letting Angeal drink, are you? I'd really hate a repeat of last time. The entire board is here.
Sephiroth: Of course not. Everything is under control. Angeal has not left our sight once.
*Behind him, Angeal stumbles onto the stage, visibly hammered, gripping the microphone stand*
Angeal: For my next magic trick, I'll need to remove my pants—
Lazard:
Sephiroth, oblivious: As a matter of fact, I'd say the amount of discipline and teamwork we've displayed tonight is exemplary of SOLDIER honor.
*Genesis sprints onto the stage and full-body tackles Angeal*
Lazard:
Sephiroth: Truly, Director, you should commend us at the next assembly.
*On stage, Genesis is now locked in mortal combat with a very drunk Angeal, who is convinced he's being seduced and is screaming at the top of his lungs*
Angeal: I DON'T WANT SEX!
Lazard:
Sephiroth: Meanwhile, you'll notice the lovely non-alcoholic selection we've provided. We've offered all of these to Angeal and ensured he has not been drinking.
*Zack runs onto the stage to help, but he's also drunk. He throws himself at Angeal and clings to him like a koala*
Zack, sobbing: MOM! DAD! PLEASE DON'T FIGHT!!
Sephiroth: But yes. Everything is under control.
Lazard: Turn around.
Sephiroth: I refuse. Family feuds make me uncomfortable.
Lazard:
Reno and Rufus are secret lovers, Tseng discovers it but is already 100% done with everything and go drink with Reeve.
*Tseng throws open Reeve’s office door and walks in*
Reeve: Oh, hey Tseng! How are y—
Tseng, producing a flask: You know what I don’t understand, Reeve?
Reeve: !?
Tseng, sitting down: Why a man of the Vice President’s caliber, education, and general discernment would choose to make out with one of his own Turks in a supply closet at two in the afternoon.
Reeve: Wow that’s—
Tseng: He chose Reno, of all people. Which I don’t care about, obviously, he’s the VP, he can do whatever he likes, I’m just a humble employee, haha. But I do find it interesting given that I am the one who has held him while he cried on four separate occasions, talked him down before every board meeting for years, memorized his coffee order, his anxiety tells, the exact tone of voice that means he’s upset. And he goes with the man who once blew up a break room while trying to boil an egg in the microwave.
Reeve: Well I think—
Tseng: No, you’re right. I should move on. Meet someone. Someone who would genuinely bother the VP if he found out. Rude is actually an option now that I think about it..
Reeve: That’s not really—
Tseng, standing up: Reeve you’ve been an enormous help. You’re completely wasted in engineering, you should be a therapist.
*Reeve watches him walk out the door*
Reeve: ....That was odd. Why did he come here? Who told them to see me?
*The door opens and Sephiroth walks in next*
Sephiroth: I’ve been feeling melancholic lately. A persistent sense of not belonging anywhere that I can identify as mine. I thought we could talk through it as usual.
*Reeve opens his mini fridge and produces a juice box*
Reeve: Aye, sit down lad. Tell me everything.
angeal checks up on the buster sword to find that it has clearly been dragged through the mud what happens
*They’re out on assignment with an entire battalion and sharing a command tent. Angeal returns from a briefing and immediately freezes*
Angeal: Wha—What happened to my sword!? Why is it covered in mud?? And why are you two covered in scratches, bite marks and more mud?? Explain!
Sephiroth: ...
Genesis: ...
*Sephiroth and Genesis both know that the truth is completely unbelievable and shameful. A raccoon got into the tent, attempted to steal the Buster Sword, successfully dragged it outside, and then proved unexpectedly more powerful against two First Classes as they fought for possession of it. They only won because the raccoon got bored and left*
Genesis: We were aggressively making out and knocked it over.
Sephiroth: Passion clouded our judgment.
Angeal: ...
Sephiroth is temporarily amnesiac. What happens
What happens is that Hojo is unfortunately the first person Sephiroth sees after waking up with amnesia and immediately decides to use this to his advantage. Because Hojo, operating without the usual filter of what Sephiroth already knows and how carefully he has to manage it, makes the choice to just tell him (almost) everything and let his apparent destiny take the wheel.
Sephiroth: Let me see if I understand this correctly....
Hojo, delighted: Yes, go on.
Sephiroth: My biological mother is an extraterrestrial lifeform. I was injected with her cells before I was born. I’ve spent my entire life being raised by a corporation. Trained as a living weapon. Used in military campaigns since childhood. Subjected to years of experiments. Monitored constantly. Burdened with absurd expectations. And I’m apparently one of the most powerful people on the Planet...
Hojo: Exactly!
Sephiroth: I need...
*Sephiroth sinks his face into his hands*
Hojo, leaning forward eagerly: Yes? What is it? Weapons? Troops? Materia? A laboratory? A private army? A cannon? An airship? What do you require to carry out your destiny?
*Sephiroth sits up*
Sephiroth: A vacation.
Hojo: Ah, of course! Nibelheim, I take it. Where you can—
Sephiroth: No, I mean somewhere with a beach.
Hojo: ...
Sephiroth: How is Costa del Sol this time of year?
Hojo: Sephiroth. You have just learned that you are the heir to a superior species and possess the power to reshape the future of this Planet. And your first thought is a beach vacation??
Sephiroth: I’m not picky. A cruise will do.
Hojo: But you’re supposed to become a god!
Sephiroth: You just told me I’ve spent my entire life being experimented on, militarized, overworked, monitored, and psychologically damaged. And you think my first instinct is going to be more work?
*Sephiroth laughs*
Hojo: ...
*Sephiroth keeps laughing and doesn’t stop*
Hojo: ...
@rottenpumpkin13

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Weirdly everyone is now able to hear Sephiroth boss song. EVERYONE hear the chorus now.
*Sephiroth walks up to Angeal with a bag of candy*
*Boss music starts playing*
Sephiroth: Would you like to try some of these? PR sent me horror-themed sweets, but I don’t like the flavors. I can’t let them go to waste.
Angeal: Why is there evil music playing?? What is that? Where is it coming from?
Sephiroth: Hojo had me test a fortune materia this morning. It’s still active. Apparently it’s supposed to play something reflective of your future self, but it’s faulty so I’ve been told to ignore it until the effects wear off.
Angeal: Oh, okay. Yeah I’ll take one.
Sephiroth: Here, try the “You’re Finished” and take an “I’ll Kill You” — that one’s cherry flavored.
Angeal: Thanks!
*He walks away. Cloud walks past*
*One Winged Angel plays immediately*
Cloud: WHAT THE—
Sephiroth, holding out the bag: “You’re too weak to save anyone”?
Cloud, time traveler: I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT, YOU EVIL BASTARD, I KNEW IT—
Chapter 27: The Cold and The Ancient
They failed. Barret screamed in frustration, begging his friends to come back through the rubble. The one armed man slammed against the immovable concrete, pleading for his daughter.
Cloud had to remind the father of Aerith’s success. Marlene was safe. Cloud could only assume the girl was in Sector Five, safe and sound.
my vision: AGS. the jostle of an intimate Banora sandwich. the combined blossoming of 3 wings. and how they handle it.
The vision: Black and white feathers unfurling delicately, bodies pressed together and warm, rustling plumage, intimacy, elegance, beauty.
Reality: Angeal has a feather in his mouth, Genesis has a feather in his eye, Sephiroth has become trapped and can no longer feel one of his arms, nobody knows whose wing belongs to who anymore, every attempt to reposition only creates new problems, someone is being smothered, someone is being stabbed by a feather, someone’s wing is asleep. It’s like watching three oversized birds trying to untangle themselves. Meanwhile, Zack is standing three feet away, pointing at them like a child spotting a puppy in a shop window, whining “I WANT A WING TOO, NO FAIR :(”
Sephiroth is minding his own business after a long mission, finally returning to Midgar, only for a drunk group to pass him on the street and yell, "Look, Daddy Long Dick is back in town!"
*Sephiroth storms out of the elevator looking furious. Three Thirds immediately dive out of the way*
Angeal: Everything okay??
Sephiroth: No. I was returning from a mission. The helicopter landed in the parking lot, I came in through the main entrance, and as I was walking up the steps, a group of intoxicated personnel shouted something obscene at me. The nerve of drunk people these days is astounding. I threw a rock at the offender.
Angeal: You WHAT? You can’t....oh nevermind, I understand you completely. Just—next time, throw something more reasonable, like your boot.
Sephiroth: Noted.
Angeal: An immature idiot like that isn’t worth your energy. Nor the paperwork.
Sephiroth: Truly.
Angeal: I mean, who would even be dumb enough to taunt a SOLDIER? To taunt you, of all people??
*The elevator dings open. Genesis stumbles out, cackling, with a bloody nose, being held upright by Zack and Cloud*
Angeal: OH GOD. HOW DRUNK ARE YOU?
Genesis: COMPLETELY SOBER.
*Sephiroth removes his boot to use as a weapon*
Angeal, sighing: I’ll go get a headstart on the paperwork :/
With all those vents stories I can't get rid of the high traffic road image. I wouldn't even dare to argue about the the amount of dust in those vents. Shinra certainly has a special team reserved to cleaning them daily. I bet they pride themselves for the cleanest brightest shiniest vents on all of continents. And I love it.
Oh my god, is that why the vents are so suspiciously spotless in Remake? 😭
Sephiroth: Director, can you please authorize the remaining budget to go toward replacing our field radios?
Lazard: What’s wrong with the current ones?
Sephiroth: Everything. They’re unreliable, half of them don’t function, and every mission is suffering as a result. Yesterday Angeal sounded as though he were communicating from the bottom of the ocean.
Lazard: Oh. Well, that’s not possible. The remaining funds are always allocated to vent maintenance.
Sephiroth: Since when do we have vent maintenance...?
Lazard: Since always. The ventilation system here at headquarters serves multiple purposes.
Sephiroth: Such as?
Lazard: Intelligence gathering, surveillance, rapid transport, emergency access routes. The Turks use them constantly.
Sephiroth: They spy on us, so we have to keep them clean??
Lazard: No, SOLDIER personnel can use them too.
Sephiroth: But no one in this program is using the vents often enough to justify an entire department.
Kunsel’s voice from the ceiling: Oh, hey Zack!
Zack’s voice: Hey man! How’s it going?
Cloud: Move, you’re blocking the intersection.
Genesis’ voice: If one more person puts boot prints on my leather—
Reno’s voice: Morning, everybody!
Several voices: Hey Reno!
Sephiroth: ...so those voices I keep hearing are people in the vents.
Lazard: Yes? What did you think they were?
Sephiroth: Voices in my head.
Lazard: Why in Gaia’s name would you think that.
Tseng's voice from somewhere in the ventilation system: Go maim Hojo.
Sephiroth: If you’ll excuse me, I have urgent matters to attend to.
Lazard, pointing up: THAT’S TSENG.
Sephiroth, turning around: No, that’s the voice of reason.
Lazard: NO—

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I love kittyroth... do you think Seph ever waits for Angeal or Genesis to get up and just takes their seat for the warmth
Why wait for them to get up? Cat!Sephiroth just skips that entire process and plops himself directly onto their laps for the warmth. That’s what Zack walks in on, anyway. Kittyroth casually sauntering into the room, hopping up onto the couch, and stretching himself across both Genesis and Angeal as they sit side-by-side.
Zack: Uh... why’s he doing that?
Genesis: Ever since he was turned into a cat, he’s become very affectionate. He likes finding warm places to nap.
Angeal: Isn’t he precious? We should’ve accidentally cast that materia on him years ago. He’s adorable!
Zack, pointing: He turned back like four hours ago.
*Fully grown Sephiroth is sprawled across both their laps getting his hair petted*
Sephiroth: You’re jealous.
Zack: I AM
Where do Sephiroth Genesis and Angeal see themselves in 10 years
[ μ ] – εγλ 1997
Angeal: Hopefully somewhere quiet, resting, taking life a little easier :)
Genesis: Free, awake to the world, traveling, creating, leaving no corner of this Planet unexplored and ensuring my name is remembered long after I’m gone.
Sephiroth: I don’t know. Maybe by then I’ll have found something worth living for. And if I haven’t, I suppose I’ll still be looking for it.
[ μ ] – εγλ 0007
Angeal: *dead*
Genesis: *asleep*
Sephiroth: where’s Cloud