started making it. had a breakdown. bon appétit

Sephiroth wouldn’t have minded babysitting someone in this unfortunate scenario—another victim of Genesis testing age reversal materia in his endless quest for vanity and eternal youth. Unfortunately, the victim was that infantry grunt who follows Zack around; the one Sephiroth is increasingly convinced is out to get him.

Angeal had insisted Cloud was perfectly nice and that watching him for a few hours would be “doing Zack a favor.”

So now Sephiroth is sitting in his office across from a five-year-old Cloud. The child hasn’t spoken nor touched the coloring book they provided him with.

Child Cloud is gripping a single concerningly sharpened crayon like a combat knife, arms crossed, staring directly into Sephiroth’s eyes like he’s memorizing a target.

Sephiroth: ...

Cloud: ...

*Angeal, Genesis, and Zack walk in. Immediately Cloud’s entire demeanor changes. He lights up, grabs the coloring book, and starts drawing happily*

Sephiroth: !??

Zack: Aww! Look at him! He’s been so good, hasn’t he? Look at him drawing!

Sephiroth: I assure you, he just started. He wasn’t doing that a few moments ago. He was silently threatening me with a crayon and staring into my soul.

Angeal: Oh, Sephiroth, don’t start. Of course he’s going to over-sharpen a crayon and stare a little. He’s a child. What are you drawing, sweetie?

*Cloud happily holds up a concerningly detailed and realistic drawing of Sephiroth being thrown into a reactor by an older version of Cloud*

Cloud: :)

Sephiroth: Look!

Zack: Wow, that’s really detailed buddy!

Sephiroth: LOOK AT IT.

Genesis: His grasp of perspective is remarkable.

Sephiroth: He drew his older self bringing about my death!

Angeal: Children draw all sorts of things! That’s not you, it could be anyone.

*Cloud writes Sephiroth’s name and an arrow to make it perfectly clear who it is*

Sephiroth: HE LABELED IT!

Genesis: Sephiroth, if you feel threatened by an exceptionally sweet child simply illustrating the products of his imagination, I think that reflects rather poorly on you.

*Cloud holds up a piece of paper. “I WILL KILL YOU” is written in large angry red letters, underlined three times*

Cloud: :D

Sephiroth, pointing: By all means, continue. I would be fascinated to hear the explanation for that one. I’d love to hear how this is actually perfectly normal child behavior.

Angeal: Children write random letters all the time. Sometimes they accidentally arrange themselves into threatening messages.

*At a meeting absolutely no one wants to be at, Palmer has assembled a massive diagram of the solar system across the conference table. Action figures of the Firsts have been placed throughout it*

Palmer, setting the Angeal figure on the moon: And then we have Angeal on the Moon! It’ll sell like hotcakes with all those fan club members. Whaddya say?

Angeal: ...You know, I’m not qualified to be in space, so I’m not entirely comfortable with the premise.

Palmer: Nonsense! You’d look great in space.

*Sephiroth, having mentally checked out approximately three minutes ago, picks up his own action figure and begins quietly playing with it*

Cid, noticing: Aww :)

Palmer: And then look! Genesis goes on Venus! We can do a whole goddess-themed playset! Golden throne, roses, poetry—

Genesis: What in Minerva’s name does my brand have to do with Venus.

*Sephiroth picks up a meteor from the model solar system and slowly raises it over Gaia*

Cid: .....

*Sephiroth slams the meteor into the planet while mimicking a sound effect (“pshhhh—kaboom!”)*

Cid: .....?

Palmer: We’re considering collectible accessories. For example, Angeal will have a galactic celestial Buster Sword!

Angeal: I’m pretty sure throwing “galactic” and “celestial” in front of it doesn’t make it space-related, but I’m no expert.

Palmer, laughing: Well neither am I!

Genesis: YES YOU ARE??

*Sephiroth retrieves the meteor and does it again, crushing Gaia beneath his action figure’s feet*

Sephiroth: Kaboom!

Cid: Is no one seeing this??

Palmer: We’re also reviewing glow-in-the-dark variants. Unfortunately the prototype line has been delayed due to a minor issue with the glow compound being highly radioactive.

Angeal: ...Yeah, I don’t really want my name tied to this project.

*Sephiroth has now built a small structure out of the remaining celestial bodies and placed his action figure on top of it. It’s a throne. He’s built a throne out of the solar system*

Cid, pointing: SHOULD WE BE CONCERNED?

Genesis: The problem is you’re trying to appeal to children and adults simultaneously. You need to choose one target audience.

Palmer: Please, what would you know about sales and product marketing? What have you ever invented that’s been commercially successful?

*Genesis, visibly stunned, slowly points at the can of Banora White Palmer had been drinking from for the past twenty minutes*

Palmer: Hm? Oh, do you want the rest of my apple juice? Here, take it. I tried to be healthier, but the damn thing tastes awful.

*Genesis immediately lunges across the table and starts strangling Palmer while Angeal grabs him around the waist and desperately tries to haul him backwards*

Palmer: ACK! CID! HELP!

*Unfortunately, Cid is currently occupied trying to wrestle a stapler out of Sephiroth’s hands after discovering he was attempting to staple all the planets together to create what he called the “Mega Planet.”*

It's the JRPG protagonist blood flowing through them as AGSZ are left to ponder why Cloud wastes his time ttying to get to SOLDIER when he could legit enter any other field of work and be WILDLY sucessful too.

(It's my personal headcanon that she too once was a JRPG protag in her youth before she settled down and all the gremlin tendecies went to our boy, how else do you explain him surviving falling from a huge ravive and only having a scrapped knee in his childhood when Tifa was in a coma ?)

*((In a kinder timeline where Cloud decided not to hide his face during the Nibelheim mission)) they’ve just stopped for a break on the way to the reactor, and Cloud somehow already foraged local berries and brewed tea from mountain herbs for a snack*

Zack: Okay, the berries I get. But you also knew that the water from the stream was safe from like three feet away, you fixed Tifa’s hat strap with nothing but a rock and a stick, and you did that cool thing where you whistle and a bird lands on your arm!

Cloud: Yeah, I guess I’m pretty crafty.

Zack: Where’d you learn all this?

Cloud: My mom taught me everything. She was really outdoorsy when I was little, so we’d come on adventures up here all the time. She taught me how to fish, how to make shelters, how to tell when a storm was coming, and how to befriend a dragon. We’d spend all day wandering around, and then she’d ruffle my hair and tell me I did a good job before carrying me home. Then we’d have dinner and she’d tell me how proud of me she was.

Zack: Wow, that sounds nice!

Cloud: Yeah. She told me to stop by home before we leave again. She wants to send me off with a basket full of food and have one last dinner together to tell me how much I mean to her.

Zack: Some mom you’ve got. She sounds amazing!

Cloud: She is. I’m gonna make her proud when I put everything she taught me to the test and finally make SOLDIER.

Zack: ...You know, you don’t have to join SOLDIER. Especially not to prove anything to anyone. You’re already capable as hell. You could make a name for yourself doing practically anything.

Cloud: But becoming a hero like Sephiroth has been my dream forever, I have to see it through! Can you imagine being Sephiroth? I’d give anything to trade places with him.

Sephiroth: Done.

*Sephiroth has been eavesdropping the whole time. He shoves Masamune, his PHS, and a set of keys into Cloud’s arms*

Cloud: !?

Sephiroth: Good luck with Hojo, my email password is the first thirteen digits of pi backwards, good luck with Hojo, Director Lazard is on speed dial, for the sake of your sanity ignore fan forums, and good luck with Hojo. Godspeed.

Cloud:

Sephiroth, pointing: If I continue down this path, I’ll arrive at your mother’s house, yes? I’m just confirming the route

BEST DATE RUNNER UP: GENESIS

On paper, the date is flawless. He knows every every correct move to make, after all— the restaurant will be impeccable, the wine will be correct, the compliments will be delivered at exactly the right moment with exactly the right tone. He’s done this enough times that it flows effortlessly which is, eventually, the problem. Somewhere around the second course you’ll notice that the compliments, while perfectly and poetically delivered, feel like they were written in advance. Like dozens of people have heard them before. That the wine recommendation came too quickly. That the eye contact is consistent in a way that’s obviously being maintained rather than just happening naturally. He’s performing a date rather than being on one, so the moment you clock it the whole thing sours. You’ll still have a wonderful evening though. But you’ll leave wondering if Genesis Rhapsodos showed up at all.

BEST DATE: SEPHIROTH

Entirely by accident though. And I mean completely on accident in the most endearing way possible. Sephiroth agreed to this because it was for charity and he was not going to be the reason a children’s hospital didn’t get funded, so here he is.

He prepared extensively, as one would for an exam, with handwritten notes, on topics of general interest, conversation entry points, ““appropriate compliments”” (bless him), what questions to ask and in what order— and!! he is visibly, endearingly terrified. He holds the door open with purpose, he asks how your day was and then listens so carefully it’s almost overwhelming, like you’re being genuinely studied by someone who finds you legitimately interesting. When he doesn’t know what to say, he says so, which should be awkward, but it’s not. Because it’s natural and honest and leads to some relatable laughter. At one point he even mentions that he prepared for this, and that he wanted it to go well because the charity matters. He says it so plainly that it lands like a brick in the best possible way, because you can tell he really cares about the cause and that’s undeniably adorable. You will go home slightly dazed and unsure what just happened and thinking about it for longer than you expected...... probably because you made a friend and now have Sephiroth’s email.

WORST DATE RUNNER UP: ANGEAL

He tried. He genuinely tried, but nerves got the best of him. He picked a good restaurant, dressed appropriately, had things to talk about. You guys were actually having a good time, because he’s so down-to-earth and easy to talk to, it barely felt fabricated.

He was doing well right up until the moment he got so inside his own head about how this is a romantic date, and whether he was doing it correctly, that he excused himself to use the bathroom. And then experienced a spiral of such magnitude in the corridor that he simply... kept walking. And walking. Then reached the door and the fresh air. And then his legs made a decision and he ran out. He sent a very thorough and genuinely remorseful apology the next morning with a gift basket though. ... Genesis will never let him hear the end of it.

WORST DATE: ZACK

He brought Cloud. No seriously, he brought Cloud. Cloud Strife was physically present at the next table, in a chair, with a menu, when you arrived. He introduced Cloud like this was normal. “This is Cloud, he’s here for moral support, he won’t say much, just pretend he’s not there.” Cloud said hi and then sat there for the entire evening in a way that was technically separate but basically not. Close enough that you could hear him ordering and occasionally see him glancing over like a relationship counsellor monitoring a developing situation. He even shook his head in disapproval at one point.

Zack himself is genuinely lovely. Very enthusiastic, warm, funny, completely present...but at one point Cloud leaned over and said “you’re doing great” to Zack, and Zack said “thanks man” and they had a brief sidebar and then Zack turned back and said “sorry where were we?”

Who is more likely to fight over it and the title and who is it actually given to?

*Mid-mission, there is a golden apple on a low branch, glowing faintly. Scratched into the skin: “TO THE ONE TRUE HERO”*

Genesis, grabbing it: Well, I think we all know who this is for!

*Angeal grabs it before Genesis can bite into it*

Angeal: No, don’t! What if it’s for Sephiroth?

Genesis: How wonderful. How truly faithful my best friend is to me. A magical apple appears on a tree, with an inscription about heroism, and your first instinct is that it belongs to someone else.

Angeal: If a mysterious glowing apple appears, and none of us know what it does or where it came from, yes, I’m going to assume it’s for the one of us with supernatural eyes, silver hair, and a sword that crawled out of a void dimension and selected him personally.

Sephiroth: ...

Genesis: But apples are my thing! Sephiroth doesn’t even like apples!

Sephiroth: Who said I don’t like apples??

Genesis: I have offered you a Banora White every single day for the entire duration of our friendship and you have declined every single one.

Sephiroth: The man who once stood behind me, slowly ran his hand through my hair, and said “how beautiful, such a shame if something were to happen to it” — that man has been offering me apples daily, and you think I should just eat them without question??

Angeal: Neither of you are touching it. No true hero argues over a piece of fruit like this!

Sephiroth: What if we rock paper scissors for it?

Angeal: Absolutely not.

Genesis: Oh, so now you want the apple!

Sephiroth: If it’s mine, I’d like to have it, yes.

Angeal, taking out his pocket knife: FINE. You idiots can split it. Whatever happens, happens to both of you at the same time and I only have to write one report.

*He cuts the apple, they each take a half, and bite into it*

*Poof*

*There are two toads where Sephiroth and Genesis once were*

*Moogles laugh in the distance*

*≈ εγλ 1999 - Zack has just done something that aged Angeal three years in four seconds. Angeal has responded by lifting him by the scruff of his collar to save him from “dying” in the training simulator. Sephiroth pulls him aside afterwards*

Sephiroth: Was that necessary? Manhandling your student like a misbehaving puppy is unprofessional.

Angeal: He was about to walk directly into an enemy line because he got distracted.

Sephiroth: There are more professional ways to redirect a student. You could have intervened verbally, or physically placed yourself between him and the threat.

Angeal: Sephiroth, you don’t know this kid. You don’t know what it does to a person’s nervous system to train him. You don’t know the specific kind of patience loss you reach when he’s done the same thing for the fourth time and you can see the fifth time coming. Get back to me about cordiality when I’m dead and you’ve taken my place as his mentor to honor me.

Sephiroth: I would never do such a thing. I have better things to do with my time.

*Fast-forward to ≈ εγλ 0001. Angeal is dead. Sephiroth thought, in a moment of sincere sentiment, that the right thing to do was to take up the mentor mantle and be a good friend posthumously. He is currently in the training hall with Zack Fair. He is in hell*

Sephiroth: BEND YOUR KNEES. I’ve said this—the enemy is COMING DIRECTLY AT YOU, WHY are you looking at—*He grabs Zack by the scruff* BEND YOUR KNEES—THAT’S YOUR ELBOW! HOW DO YOU CONFUSE YOUR KNEES WITH YOUR ELBOWS? YOU HAVE HAD OWNERSHIP OF THOSE LIMBS YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

Zack: I GOT CONFUSED!

The pyramid of bodies is the exact visual language used in classical Renaissance art:

The triangle the eye unconsciously identifies is a structural shorthand used to represent a struggle toward a singular point. Géricault explicitly used it in The Raft of the Medusa to show a pyramid of dying people culminating in the one guy waving a flag for salvation:

Another good example is the Vigeland Monolith in Oslo:

A mass of bodies reaching upward is heavily present in Ascension art like the Assumption of the Virgin above. The physical rule of these pieces is usually: the lower figures are crowded together and dynamic to show struggle— while the top figure is alone, calm, still, and surrounded by negative space ((showing detachment)). This is the case with Sephiroth at the top there to mirror how divine figures are framed to contrast earthly chaos with divinity.

The mass of bodies reaching upward represents human desperation, the collective cry of people suffocating under mortality and the chaos of existence, desperately clawing their way to the highest peak of spiritual escape to try to liberate themselves from that suffering.

But .... Then you have the irony. You place Sephiroth at the top of that exact structure like a god looking down on a mountain of black robes, the world, humanity.

And the reality is he’s not detached from the desperation at all. He’s completely trapped by it, and if anything that's why he’s at the top. His “ascension” is fueled by the exact same desperate, obsessive need to escape his past, his trauma, and everything that binds him to the humanity he despises.

Just as everyone else is below him. What makes this even more brilliant (imo) is that it visually mimics the physics of the Reunion itself. Sephiroth thinks he’s pulling the strings from above, but that mountain of bodies is rushing toward him because every single cell of Jenova is magnetically snapping back into place. But even Jenova herself is trying to break free of her own isolation. Meaning the creature Sephiroth worships (I use this word lightly) is just as trapped by hunger and desperation as the humans she infects.

Chadley lovers everywhere:

*Genesis is in a plain SOLDIER uniform. Sephiroth is in Genesis’ red coat, gloves, and sweater. Angeal is in...something unidentifiable. His chest is covered*

Genesis: You both look ridiculous. Angeal, what are you wearing? That’s not Sephiroth’s uniform.

Angeal: It is Sephiroth’s uniform. See the pauldrons?

Genesis: That’s not his coat!

Angeal: It is! I just zipped it up and adjusted the belts to a normal tension at the waist.

Genesis: You mean he chooses to walk around like that?

Sephiroth: Like what?

Genesis: Like—oh never mind. Angeal, I look completely plain. How am I supposed to look like you if I have nothing to work with?

Angeal: Oh, right! Here, this’ll complete it.

*He lifts the Buster Sword off his back and places it on Genesis—

—who goes down immediately with an alarming thunk*

Angeal: OI—

Genesis, on the ground: DON’T OI ME, HOW IS THIS FUNCTIONAL?

*Lazard comes around the corner with his clipboard*

Lazard: Why are you wearing Genesis’ coat?

Sephiroth: We swapped uniforms.

Lazard, looking at Angeal: Who are you supposed to be?

Angeal: Sephiroth! This is his uniform! I just zipped the coat and used a reasonable number of belts.

Lazard: Really? So he chooses to look like that every day.

Sephiroth: Like what??

Zack, walking by: Oh sick, are you guys doing costumes? Cool Genesis costume, Sephiroth! And Genesis, you got to try the Buster Sword AND Angeal let you cuddle with it on the floor? I’m so jealous. Wait, Angeal, who are you supposed to be?

Angeal: Sephiroth! I’m wearing his exact uniform! I just put it on differently!

Zack: Huh...so Sephiroth chooses to look like that..

Sephiroth: LIKE WHAT?

Genesis, on the ground: LIKE YOU’RE SERVING

Sephiroth: SERVING WHAT??

Genesis: CUNT. CUNT. HELP ME UP.

Sephiroth: THERE’S NO NEED TO CALL ME THAT.

https://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/Travis-Willingham/

This is the video that’s circulating and this guy is GOOD. Now the question is whether he’ll try to emulate Tyler’s eerie softness for continuity purposes or give us a dark, deep-sounding Sephiroth 🤐