In an effort to get Shinra's space program off the ground (get it?), Palmer commissions the creation of some space-themed SOLDIER merch. However, what with his division's floundering budget, he has to improvise with some mock-ups of existing action figures. At the very least, he's somehow convinced Cid to back him up while presenting the prototypes to the Firsts (plus Zack and Cloud because why not?), but there's not much that can be done to help the fact that Palmer got carried away during the "design process".
*At a meeting absolutely no one wants to be at, Palmer has assembled a massive diagram of the solar system across the conference table. Action figures of the Firsts have been placed throughout it*
Palmer, setting the Angeal figure on the moon: And then we have Angeal on the Moon! It’ll sell like hotcakes with all those fan club members. Whaddya say?
Angeal: ...You know, I’m not qualified to be in space, so I’m not entirely comfortable with the premise.
Palmer: Nonsense! You’d look great in space.
*Sephiroth, having mentally checked out approximately three minutes ago, picks up his own action figure and begins quietly playing with it*
Palmer: And then look! Genesis goes on Venus! We can do a whole goddess-themed playset! Golden throne, roses, poetry—
Genesis: What in Minerva’s name does my brand have to do with Venus.
*Sephiroth picks up a meteor from the model solar system and slowly raises it over Gaia*
*Sephiroth slams the meteor into the planet while mimicking a sound effect (“pshhhh—kaboom!”)*
Palmer: We’re considering collectible accessories. For example, Angeal will have a galactic celestial Buster Sword!
Angeal: I’m pretty sure throwing “galactic” and “celestial” in front of it doesn’t make it space-related, but I’m no expert.
Palmer, laughing: Well neither am I!
*Sephiroth retrieves the meteor and does it again, crushing Gaia beneath his action figure’s feet*
Cid: Is no one seeing this??
Palmer: We’re also reviewing glow-in-the-dark variants. Unfortunately the prototype line has been delayed due to a minor issue with the glow compound being highly radioactive.
Angeal: ...Yeah, I don’t really want my name tied to this project.
*Sephiroth has now built a small structure out of the remaining celestial bodies and placed his action figure on top of it. It’s a throne. He’s built a throne out of the solar system*
Cid, pointing: SHOULD WE BE CONCERNED?
Genesis: The problem is you’re trying to appeal to children and adults simultaneously. You need to choose one target audience.
Palmer: Please, what would you know about sales and product marketing? What have you ever invented that’s been commercially successful?
*Genesis, visibly stunned, slowly points at the can of Banora White Palmer had been drinking from for the past twenty minutes*
Palmer: Hm? Oh, do you want the rest of my apple juice? Here, take it. I tried to be healthier, but the damn thing tastes awful.
*Genesis immediately lunges across the table and starts strangling Palmer while Angeal grabs him around the waist and desperately tries to haul him backwards*
*Unfortunately, Cid is currently occupied trying to wrestle a stapler out of Sephiroth’s hands after discovering he was attempting to staple all the planets together to create what he called the “Mega Planet.”*
Cid: I TOO CALLED FOR HELP
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