Time for the real, important questions.
Five stories bunk bed with AGSZC. Who sleeps where and how horrible does it go ?
• Angeal insists on taking the bottom bunk because 1) he’s the heaviest in terms of muscle mass, so logic demands it, 2) he is “too old for this shit”, and 3) from the bottom bunk he can sit up and address whatever’s happening above him without climbing anything.
• Genesis wanted the top bunk and had his case ready to go, something about how he does his best resting at altitude (but tbh the real reason is that he simply wanted the top bunk and was not going to get it without a fight). He does not get it. He gets the second bunk, which he describes as an insult. He lies there with his arms folded, refusing to shut up. Like “I just don’t understand the logic. Why am I here?? What does the second bunk offer?? What is its contribution? It’s a transitional space! The bunk equivalent of a waiting room—AND NOW SEPHIROTH’S FEET ARE IN MY FACE. WONDERFUL. PERFECT. THIS IS FINE.”
• Sephiroth is on the third, middle bunk. He doesn’t even fit, he’s too long for the bed by a meaningful margin and lies in the only position available to him— flat on his back, completely rigid, like a corpse, with his feet hanging off the end into the open air. He doesn’t understand what’s supposed to be enjoyable about this. Below him: Genesis, complaining continuously about the second bunk and his feet specifically. Below that: Angeal, periodically saying “ENOUGH” at whatever is happening above him. Above him: Zack and Cloud, in the middle of an ongoing argument.
Sephiroth: I would sleep better on the floor.
Genesis: THEN GO TO THE FLOOR
Angeal: NO ONE IS GOING TO THE FLOOR
• Zack and Cloud are on the second and top bunks respectively, because Zack insisted they rock-paper-scissors for the top and Cloud keeps winning. Cloud doesn’t even want the top bunk, as he’s slept in more bunk beds than he can count and has no remaining positive feelings about them in any way. He’s offered the top bunk to Zack repeatedly, but Zack insists he needs to win the position “fair and square.” Cloud continues to win.
• Until Angeal has enough and reorganizes the entire situation by force. Zack and Cloud go to the bottom two bunks, Angeal puts himself in the middle bunk to serve as a physical buffer between all parties, Genesis and Sephiroth are relocated to the top two bunks. Sephiroth gets the top bunk. He lies there in silence for a while.
Sephiroth: It’s quite high.
*No one responds. Sephiroth attempts to get out of bed to get a glass of water. Angeal, lying in the middle bunk with his eyes closed, hears a sound. Then a flash of silver passes his peripheral vision as something falls. Then a crash*
Angeal: ….Are you alive?
Sephiroth, from the floor: Yes.
Angeal: Good.
*Silence*
Zack, whispering: Cloud, rock paper scissors for the bottom bunk.
Cloud: NO
