idk man when i was a kid i remember a lot of adults saying "if you can read and follow directions, you can cook" so i was like yes i can do these two things. doesn't seem that hard. and it wasn't! so it just always surprises me when i see people of any age who are capable of reading and following directions bemoaning how impossibly hard cooking is. like i know i'm always on this hobbyhorse but it just seems like a lot of people have never developed basic life skills and instead of going "oh wow that's embarrassing, i should learn and catch up" they instead get defensive and turn it into a learned-helplessness thing where they CAN'T POSSIBLY be expected to learn something that's SOOOO HARD. and suddenly somehow we're the oppressors for thinking it's weird that a grown adult can't grill themselves a cheese.
I think the main problem is that the skill that people don’t have isn’t actually cooking, it’s meal planning, and no amount of reading recipes and following directions is going to teach you how to meal plan and grocery shop, because those are just different skills.
If you can’t cook, you should read and follow directions and learn some cooking skills.
If you did that and it still feels like you can’t cook and that everyone else must have some secret skill that you don’t, you still should try reading and following directions, but instead of just seeking out recipes, you should focus on finding guides that teach you how to: plan out all of your meals for a week, shop efficiently, use things up before they go bad, and just generally improve your time management and kitchen organization. These will probably be in different places – try blogs and self-help guides instead of cookbooks.
If you did all that and it still feels like you can’t cook, you’re probably just struggling to adapt recipes to the ingredients and constraints that you happen to have on any given day. Keep reading and following directions, but switch to sources that focus on flavor pairings and general techniques, such as The Flavor Bible or Jacques Pépin’s Complete Techniques or Salt Fat Acid Heat. If you really want to go deep, thumb through On Food and Cooking and read whatever sections catch your fancy.
And if you did all that and it still feels like you can’t cook? I’m sorry, but your problem actually isn’t that you don’t know how to cook; your problem is imposter syndrome.
I also recommend America's Test Kitchen, because they have everything. Cookbooks/cooking "school" books (specifically The New Cooking School cookbook!), but also a YouTube channel, their magazine Cook's illustrated, and also if you're really desperate they have online classes you can subscribe to also.
Another cookbook in the vein of the above general "the theory of cooking" books is Pam Anderson's How to Cook Without a Book.
Your local library is going to have cookbooks galore (since they can definitely be pricey brand new!)
Also if you live in the US, your local extension office may offer cooking classes/learn a meal type events anywhere in your state! Part of the job of the extension program under the USDA is directly related to this:
Extension works to translate science for practical applications. Identify emerging research questions Find answers and encourage the application of science and technology to improve agricultural, economic, and social conditions Encourage healthy lifestyles Prepare youths for responsible adulthood Provide rapid response to disasters and emergencies
that mission of healthy lifestyles + generally supporting agricultural research & communities is...well, often nutrition and cooking related. You may be able to find resources, demonstrations, classes, and so on near you.
For me and a lot of other people I suspect, the key part is doing all of those things in the cheapest possible way. I can find loads of cheap recipes.
What I need is a set of cheap recipes with enough overlapping ingredients that I can meal plan without buying anything expensive or letting some of them go to waste. I also need the ingredients to not be so overlapping that I'm basically just eating the same thing.
At this point though, you're sort of describing a different problem than what OP is talking about. Op is addressing people who are saying cooking is hard or they don't know how.
You're not saying you think the actual act of cooking is difficult, or that you don't know how. You're saying that the budget restraints of planning meals is complex. Which it is.
But also, at the same time....many cookbooks which are about the sciences behind cooking and doing it without a recipe, or even doing it cheaply — extensively cover things like "what are pantry staples or things to buy in bulk" and "what are a bunch of different things you can do with chicken." Or whatever. Or leftovers (ex: The Everlasting Meal cookbook" by Tamar Adler, or say, "perfectly good food" by Margaret Li & Irene Li.)
Unfortunately I don't think there's any perfect answer for solving this question because it's so totally individualized from person to person. But I promise lots of cookbooks do discuss what ingredients might be your pantry staples and how to plan meals based on specific foundational ingredients that you then mix up.
Yeah I guess I just think this is often semantics. Like the reason I say I am bad at cooking is cos there are many people who can buy a wide variety of cheap food in bulk, mix and match ingredients, and create weeks worth of meals without repeating anything or wasting it.
And sometimes it's cos they have learnt 50 different individual recipes off by heart, but most of the time it's cos they're not just copying it, they actually understand it, and if you gave them any fridge they'd be able to make something nice from it.
It's like if you give me a good enough "how to draw a sunset" tutorial I could draw a pretty nice sunset. But I'll still tell you I'm bad at drawing until I can do things like that without needing a tutorial.
Basically you're comparing "paint by numbers" to "understands the fundamentals of painting/art."
And yeah if you're only following the paint by numbers recipes, then you probably need to follow entire cookbooks for organized meal planning/grocery shopping in order to make sure you minimize waste. Again, books exist which tell you how to do this with their recipes. That doesn't make you bad at being able to produce meals from a recipe (basic cooking as following instructions) and for many people that is all they ever need. That's not being unable to cook.
But if you want to learn the fundamentals of cooking/theory of cooking the same way you learn the fundamentals of art — so that it becomes easier and easier to make up a meal on the spot, then you do actually have to learn some of the science and concepts behind cooking, which again, people have published lots of books and free videos about and it is a skill that you can learn.
No one is magically born knowing how to look at a bunch of ingredients and create a meal. It's a skill that is developed. Also most people HAVE to repeat ingredients and parts of their meals. I hate to burst this bubble, but for most people you can pick TWO:
Cheap Bulk grocery shopping
everything is perfectly used up before it expires
No dishes/meals are ever repeated over the course of weeks
Genuinely if someone is saying they buy cheap bulk groceries and never have anything expire AND never repeat meals, I would assume they are either a) completely lying through their teeth, or b) have a very large family OR a vastly different definition of cheap, or c) they have a second freezer and a lot of dry goods storage (which often overlaps with b).
Yeah all I'm saying is this thread is mostly a semantics misunderstanding. A small number of people are genuinely lazy, but most people who say "I can't cook" don't mean "I can't do the culinary equivalent of paint by numbers", they mean they haven't (yet!) acquired the quite high level skill that you're explaining how to develop.
It's like I do creative writing and I'll show my friends my work and they'll say "I wish I could write". They don't mean they're illiterate, they just mean they don't think they're very good at creative writing.

















