Bi-furious

my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting

one of these days i’m not even gonna put it in the toaster, just gonna breathe real hard on the bread for a minute and you’ll be like “wow this is perfectly done”

“thank you so much for warming up my bread for me honey, I’m so glad we’re married, I love you” I say to you every time your mean little ass makes toast for me

its funny how people in fandoms think theyre comedic geniuses for ruining text posts

i think youre ugly and so are your fandom references on my posts

you guys love poking bears with sticks don’t you

This entire post is perfect.

why

LEGENDARY POST. OMG.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ACTUALLY SEEING THIS IN YEARS OH SHIT

Who thought it’d be funny to bring back my old fandoms, huh?

@arleerose21 @carrotsxcks

its finally back.

Oh my good god

This post is godly

one time i hit one of my plugs up like “aye im tryna cop a pack” and then i get a text back saying “this is his girl, he’s in jail” i was almost on the verge of tears. I was absolutely frustrated, he was my best weedman. then i get another text right after saying “i can still serve you, he needs bail money. what you need?” and honestly…that’s real love if I ever seen it. it really touched my heart 

It’s weird to think that nighttime is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby, nuclear furnace. (source)

unpopular opinion but people who are righthanded can go fuck themselves. we lefties out here living our best lives