hello friends!

> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default

> opens my email

> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default

> launches a software

the woke left: young and fashionable. visible tattoos. often enjoys matcha, lavender flavoring, oat milk, and cold foam. pretty decent customers.

sweet old man: drinks very sweet iced lattes, pays in cash, puts all of his change in the tip jar. sometimes orders hot coffee and i get scared that his shaky old man hands will spill it and he'll get burned but that has not yet happened and god willing never shall.

evil old man: only wants drip coffee and declares it ridiculous that any other form of coffee exists. some variants only want americanos and these variants are even scarier. watch out.

sweet old woman: might need her daughter's help to order but is very bubbly and open to trying new things. compliments baristas freely and frequently.

evil old woman: does not want coffee and only wants sweet tea or soda. will not tip even if she spends three hours in the shop repeatedly asking baristas to fetch things for her.

errand husband: either stiltedly recites an order to you or shows you the order in their texts/notes app. needs to step out of line and make a phone call if you ask any follow-up questions.

grindset girlie: always wearing scrubs, an apron, and/or a name tag. orders the exact same thing every day and knows the exact change she'll need to pay for it. her regular order is both extremely caffeinated and extremely sweet.

#mamabear: is actively wrangling two to four children while ordering. order changes repeatedly because the children cannot decide if they want a muffin or a cookie or apple juice or chocolate milk etc. for some reason these women are always wearing an article of clothing or carrying some personalized item that says "mama" on it.

schoolchildren: band of two to eight adolescents hanging out after school. extremely indecisive but generally quite polite and tip well.

amnesiac in love: grown adult who needs their partner to tell them what they like. gets asked a question about their own preferences and turns to their partner to answer for them. generally acts like a shy child looking to their guardian for behavioral cues if you try to interact with them and only wants to talk to mommy i mean their wife.

Watson teaches Holmes how to flirt fic

but then it backfires on him! (who couldve thought..)

one day Holmes laments he has to endear himself to a number of women at a social event bc of a case - watson first scolds him for leading on the ladies but when holmes asks if he will not help him he says ofc i will! it would be a great pleasure. how? well watson you've been quite a ladies man in your days have you not? he blushes but is also a bit proud of his effect and ability - but is still taken by surprise when Holmes says: so teach me 

very well 

a bit awkward at first but they find their thespian footing - its even fun!

watson is surprised by how well they create a ‘fake’ sexual tension (oh baby)

they practice every evening for a week, different scenarios

next day watson comes home from some errands to find a beautiful lady in their sitting room? oh my? and holmes is not anywhere? he consoles her and says holmes will be here soon, do not worry, he is the most brilliant man i have ever known…..oh? she inquires and he waxes poetically for a bit more, she must’ve liked it bc she comes onto him - oh but his sensibilities! he is so tempted….her beautiful eyes….so familiar… wait! ha! holmes reveals himself, watson is soo surprised, oh holmes, you should not have, but i cannot help but marvel at your abilities….truly remarkable….holmes blushes in his pretty dress…..they both get shy and holmes goes to change back, they sip a whisky by the fire, happy and content 

the next day they naturally slip into their ‘training dynamic’ without an official lesson

he compliments holmes and they have a Moment 

why is he blushing and his heart is beating? haha holmes you’re getting too good at this

Holmes expression is indecipherable 

watson convinces himself it was just superb teaching and natural talent (bc ofc Holmes has natural attractiveness and is talented in all he does, oh he is so amazing…his beautiful friend…) 

(meanwhile holmes is having a total crisis unbeknownst to watson bc this has awakened sth in him….he has had to reckon with some realizations…..)

watson goes to bed proud of what they have accomplished together

the day of the event! holmes gets ready and looks just SO dapper oh wow oh man…..watson feels inadequate beside him…but so happy and honored to be able to join him that evening…maybe he could even be of service……

holmes flirts his way through the crowd like a PRO, the ladies hang to his every fake word, even his body language is perfectly deceptive

watson watches him with amazemenmt and adoration

one of the women is especially taken…..the flirting gets almost real…wait is it real? watson cannot help but wonder…ofc how could SHE not fall for him clearly…but holmes? is he taken? it has always struck watson odd that so attractive and charming and smart a man should remain a bachelor….perhaps now he is falling in love at last…but…..but why does it not please him? why is he not happy for his bestest friend in the whole world? 

ohno………..whatever could it mean…….

holmes catches him staring and looking troubled, immediately joins him, they talk with a twinkle in their eyes, the flirting comes so naturally….watson looks at holmes lips like the women have done all evening and……has a SUDDEN REALIZATION

he starts, a bit panicked and ashamed, holmes frets over him, whats wrong, but then the Case picks up and he is on the trail, leaving watson behind confused and in love

a few weeks pass