Defiantly Donuting

Some guy in 1893 reading Dracula for the first time: Huh.. What a strange fellow…why doesn’t he drink wine?

I heard you talking somewhere, Zendaya, how your height difference makes stunts more complicated. 

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Missed it by………..ONE POINT FOUR PERCENT (1.4%)

But we still planted 10,800 hectares of trees.

okay so for legal reasons this is all a very funny joke and none of it is real I promise

basically there’s a property listing floating out there somewhere online that lists my phone number as a contact for the owner of a house in a suburb of [redacted], ohio, even though that is a town I have never lived in. about two years ago, I started getting calls and texts from people who were asking if I was interested in selling the property. when I told them no and they had the wrong number, the amount of calls increased, and I had to block their numbers. 

since then, once about every 3 months I get a call or text from people wanting to buy this house in ohio as they think I’m the owner. I got fed up at one point and just started replying “yeah I might be interested in selling, but the property I have is haunted. like super haunted. lots of ghosts everywhere, so you’ll have to get rid of those before putting it on the market.” to my delight, they stopped replying after that, so I now do that when I get these messages. 

First, put your sheet on the floor. Stand above it for a few seconds so it knows who’s boss.

Then, put your hand in the lower left corner so that it’s inside out. Do the same to the lower right corner.

Now, your lower left and right corners of the fitted sheet should be inside out. (Shoutout to Amy Poehler, love your work).

Then, take the lower left corner (that’s still inside out) and tuck it into the upper left corner. It should look like the picture above once you’re done. Then, do the same with your right corners.

It should look something like that. Right now, she’s your friend at the end of a good night out. Doesn’t look really bad, but you know she deserves better. 

Pull at the corners until you get something like this shape, as it makes it easier to fold. You’ve given your friend some plain white bread and a glass of water. She’s looking much more presentable now.

Now, pull in at the elastic until you make a rectangle. You’ll want to tuck and smooth the excess fabric away from the elastic seams and towards the closed edge of the fitted sheet.

Once you’ve got a (semi) neat rectangle, fold the the top of the sheet down about a third of the way through. I like to fold the upper part of the sheet down first, because it’s not as straight of an edge as the bottom. You can find your own meaning within that description.

Now, fold the lower portion of the sheet on top of the part you’ve already folded down.

Fold the left side of the sheet into the middle, and then fold the right side of the sheet on top of what you just folded. 

I need to emphasize that I can't post the "before" pictures that go with these because the men did not have faces. The injuries were so extensive that these men were missing nearly all of their facial features, and through cutting-edge techniques that "looked scary" at the time (e.g. extensive skin grafts), Gillies saved these men from a medical nightmare.

and when i got asked what was wrong by my law teacher (she thought i looked ill)