Unacceptable gains

just because the anvil hasn't fallen on my head yet doesn't mean i have avoided it. they're making some sneaky anvils these days.

My new thoughts are 1) Can you die from drinking too much water (like a gallon)???? 2) If I feel too much joy will God decide my time on Earth is complete and kill me? 3) How to make sure god/s can't kill me

World Heritage Ask

last night i moved big heavy cases around a convention center and then overnight i dreamed about moving big heavy cases around a convention center and then today i moved big heavy cases around a convention center. the three times are really one

"hogwash" still one of the best words ever. this shit is so unbelievable its pig water

you stole dog blood

if i was pixar they would have been named mr inchristable and eclesiastigirl

Are you guys mad at me

we need a surgery that removes you from your body

It's still so funny to me that hobbit society has technology like pony-traps and handkerchiefs and post offices but the realms of Men and Elves, at least, are very much still in their version of the High Middle Ages. I would kill for a scene where Aragorn starts doing the whole Galavant thing - we shall meet when the night air grows as chill as the depths of Moria and the setting sun colours the sky that particular shade of blue as to recall to us the sinking of Numenor into the very Sea Itself - and Pippin just goes 'have none of you guys ever learned to use a freaking clock'.

Frodo offers to buy Gandalf a watch so he can actually be on time for once and nearly gets bodied into Bywater Pool.

Sam is nearly reduced to tears upon trying to learn Gondorian recipes because all the cooks in Minas Tirith are using that old medieval technique of recite five Paternosters and the fish will be perfectly fried. Please. They're called egg-timers. Every hobbit has one. He'll buy them one himself if they'll just let him cook like a normal person.

Gandalf knows exactly what time it is and is late on purpose.

it blew my vagina clean off its hinges

-the reviews on the side of dr. bronner’s peppermint castile soap

Big papi Protozoa in the club shaking that flagella

canoeing is a fantastic word . those vowels are absolutely out of control in there

i have so little respect for people who are like “women should serve their husbands” and i wouldnt say i have less respect for women who say it than men per se but it definitely is more baffling to me. husbands are not gods or world leaders or celebrities theyre just Guys. they’re literally just guys. there are millions of them. and statistically at least half are less intelligent than the women they marry. spouses should support and care for each other of course but imagine believing your purpose in life is to obey Some Guy. imagine thinking so little of yourself

For me, it's just as gross as the people who glaze their bosses but with the added layer that you've decided 'some guy' is your boss now when that didn't need to be the case.