Analyzing After

I listed all the ones that apply to Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng’s relationship.

Note: For the most part, a good relationship makes you feel secure, happy, cared for, respected, and free to be yourself.

And now, the signs:

1. All take, no give. Any relationship in which you experience withdrawals of energy without deposits will leave you in the negative.

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3. Lack of trust. A relationship without trust is like a car without gas: You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

4. Hostile atmosphere. Constant anger is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should never be around hostility because it makes you feel unsafe.

5. Occupied with imbalance. A one-sided relationship can never run smoothly.

6.  Constant judgment. In judgmental relationships, criticism is not intended to be helpful but rather to belittle.

7. Persistent unreliability. Mutual reliability is important to building trust and is at the core of any good relationship.

8. Nonstop narcissism. If the other party's interest in the relationship is really just a reflection of him or herself, it's impossible to achieve any kind of balance.

9. Loaded with negative energy. It's almost impossible for anything positive to come out of a relationship filled with negativity.

10. Lack of communication. Without communication, there is no relationship. Period.

11. Continuous disrespect. Mutual respect is the first requirement of a good partnership.

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13. Insufficient support. If you cannot turn to each other, is there a reason to be in the relationship?

14. Ceaseless control issues. If one person is in control, or a constant tug-of-war is going on, you're probably spending too much energy navigating the relationship.

15. Never-ending drama. Good relationships improve your life; they don't make it messier.

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17. Constant challenges. All relationships go through challenges, but good relationships work through them.

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19. Vibes of entrapment. Is the other person a positive force in your life, or are you there because you don't see any way out?

20. Always undermining. If a relationship can't be reassuring, it's failing a crucial test.

21. Empty pretense. Smiles don't always mean everything is OK.

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23. Brimming with envy. Partners are never equal in all aspects, but that should be a source of strength, not of a source of disruptive envy.

24. Shortage of autonomy. Anyone in any relationship should have the right to say no.

25. Permeates victimhood. You can't move onto the future if you're tied to someone who's still stuck in the past.

28. Makes you unhappy. If someone is constantly making you unhappy, you owe it to yourself to let that person go.

29. Feels uncomfortable. Sometimes your mind needs more time to discover what your heart already knows.

30. Lowers your high standards. Toxic relationships can cause us to slowly begin accepting what was once not acceptable.

33. Filled with criticism. A nonstop barrage of criticism never helped anyone improve; it's not about making things better but boosting the critic's ego.

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35. Cannot do anything right. If you cannot do anything right, maybe the relationship is all wrong.

That is… 29/35 signs. And it should be noticed that most of the one’s missing from this list are the ways in which Wei Wuxian didn’t let his relationship with Jiang Cheng affect him negatively.

For example:

2. Feeling drained. If, instead of feeling happy and productive, you're always mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained, it's time to re-evaluate.

16. Persistent self-betrayal. If you find yourself changing your opinions to please someone else, you're in a damaging relationship.

18. Feelings of unworthiness. It's an insidious thing negative relationships do: They leave you feeling you don't deserve any better.

22. Packed with uncertainty. When nothing is sure, forward movement feels impossible.

34. Brings out the worst. If you are constantly being your worst, you cannot be your best self.

Which is a credit to Wei Wuxian as a person really.

Source: https://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/35-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-business-relationship.html

These people set you up for feeling like a failure, when they are the ones who are wrong.

People like this disappoint themselves. Practice telling them no. Don't bother explaining why you can't be perfect, they might try to guilt trip you into doing what they want or become upset or enraged. Don't engage in relationships if they become toxic like this. Cut these people off if you must. You do not owe anyone perfection. You are not a disappointment.

“fiction isnt reality” is why I’m not gonna automatically assume that’s a direct indicator of their personal morals and that they’re a horrible, fucked up irl (unless, of course, in the unfortunate but less likely event that they prove themself otherwise). a game of dnd is just fiction and it can be a safe space to explore topics and characters like those.

but “fiction affects reality” is why they have to check in with the other players about what they are and aren’t comfortable seeing that character do in-game. like seeing them shoot a random dude for his money could be fine but seeing them torture the dude is... a little too much. it could have a negative effect on the mental health of the other players.

Fiction amplifies reality. Jaws didn’t manifest a never before seen fear of sharks, it played on existing misconceptions and existing fears, and amplified them. The fear of sharks already existed. With or without Jaws we feared sharks, then a scary movie came out and those fears became amplified. 

But amplification isn’t exclusively bad. 

Nabokov’s Lolita, aka the most famous pedophilic story of all time and heavily censored for being “pornographic”, amplified our understanding of pedophilia, the kinds of people who commit it (charming, well educated, attractive people), and brought that conversation from hushed rooms to national attention.

Fifty Shades of Gray should have caused an uptick of relationship abuse and misuse of BDSM (and maybe it did), but it also caused a nationwide conversation on abuse, stalking, cult behavior, controlling relationships, and healthy BDSM. 

A lot of young girls first encountered female masturbation through Judy Blume’s Deenie (one of the ALA’s top 100 banned books of all time and a 40 year old woman writing about teen masturbation, a big tumblr no-no). Deenie’s impact was so important that it’s often cited as an invaluable validation for women and queer women who felt that their exploration was somehow immoral. There’s an entire book full of letters from readers to Blume about how important that book was to them. 

Take a scroll through some ‘top banned books’ lists and count to yourself how many of them were banned for specifically exploring sexual content in a liberating way. Or how many were banned for questioning the system.

Every single censorship movement and every single banned book has an army of people insisting that “fiction [only negatively] affects reality”. Books like Perks of Being a Wallflower for daring to talk about child sexual assault by a woman and depiction of a gay teenager. Or Speak for exploring the sexual assault and suicide attempts of a teenage girl. 

In reality, these books amplified reality and gave voices to the voiceless–those who felt purposefully stifled by society. Visually represented by this comic. 

I also remember my church talking about how “that’s why it’s banned! It teaches rebellion! It teaches you to question authority!” I nodded along and assumed that those were bad things.

And then I read the book. I read it and I realised something.

The thing that that book taught me the most? Was to wonder WHY a book had been banned. Because once I read it I realized it wasn’t JUST about questioning authority, it was about questioning a system that enforces ignorance and conformity. Something that requires censorship to begin, control, and spread.

I’ve had moments in my life where I saw a piece of media and cringed. Where I was sick just knowing it exists. There are books and shows that I feel strongly against and have had passing thoughts about how they should be banned.

And then I remember reading Farenheit 451. And I remember to ask, “why do I want to ban it?” and “Who does banning this benefit and who does it harm?” as well as “If this is banned, what comes next? What else can be classified this way but is vital to society and the vulnerable people in it?”

Because fiction? Is an important exploration of humanity, good and bad. And it might amplify what’s already there in a bad way sometimes, but it also shines a light on the dark places that we can actually do something about. And if you take away that light, it doesn’t make the bad things go away, it just makes bad people able to hide in the dark.