I have started 700 fights

but his wife looks like when the artist is letting us know it’s a female character

and the baby look normal

And then I saw this:

And I am no longer joking.

With 171 potential combinations, it is entirely feasible to make a Pokemon game centered around Eevee.

Why? Because Eevee deserves it. And because we have had an egregious dearth of new Eeevee content since Sylveon dropped.

Here’s my pitch:

The region you live in is an island where Eevee basically became the endemic dominant organism. (If Gamefreak really wants to fuck around and find out, they could play around with real-life evolutionary theory concepts. They’ve used recent games to teach kids about stuff like environmentalism and conservation and energy/power production, so why not?)

The Pokemon Professor in the game will be a distant relative of, idk, Professor Rowan or Professor Sycamore, who decided that studying Pokemon evolution is too broad and decided to focus on what really matters: Eevee and Eevee-Associated Phenomena.

The player is tasked with filling out the Eeveedex.

The gym leaders still specialize in particular types, but they still only use Eeveelutions, of course. A fire-type leader can have Flareon as their signature ‘mon, sure, but for the rest of their team it’ll be dual fire types. Which might actually add to the difficulty level, especially if you get some weird type combos like fire/grass, because then you can’t just walk in and annihilate their entire team with a single not-overleveled water type unless it’s got some appropriate moves.

The Elite Four follows the same trend but with trickier type combos. The Champion has a six-Pokemon team full of the most seemingly contradictory type combos, like fire/water and normal/ghost. And lots of unexpected movesets, like the absolute badass that is Cynthia.

In the post-game Professor Oak will show up to give you the National Dex and you can have access to other ‘mons, as a treat, but until then? You get Eevee and its various -eons. It’s Eevee’s time to shine, which means Eevee and -eons only.

My time has come! (mobile link)

Waterproof testing