You'll Rise Up Free and Easy on That Day

if you say anything homophobic in June this truck comes out of nowhere and crushes you like that bus crushed Regina George

it’s optimus pride

I know this is a tiny part of the wider problems born of diet culture, fatphobia, classicism, and racism but like god the idea that "healthy" food must inherently taste bad has completely ruined us as a society.

Every time you feel bad for having coffee with cream and sugar or ranch on your salad or putting extra butter and salt on your veggies I want you to imagine the spirit of John Harvey Kellogg in front of you and then I want you to kill him with a real gun and eat your delicious food in peace.

Holy shit a lightning bug got in the house and I almost pissed myself because there was suddenly a random floating light and my dumbass sleep deprived brain went: ALIENS??????

Sir please stop illuminating in the kitchen please it’s one am

You would not believe your eyes if one random firefly, flew into your house as you tried to sleep.

Organised crime? Nah girl I'm into disorganised crime. If a goon doesn't have ADHD they aren't getting hired

Cops can't stop us if they don't know what we're doing, and they can't find out if we have no idea either

Minions stop this post from reaching 1k

On it, boss! Gettin' this post to 10k, just like you said!

幽玄

I love ace ppl bc they’re like you know you don’t have to right. And it’s true. you dontttttt have to

my dad took me to see brokeback mountain in theaters because it was not even a little bit promoted as a queer love story, so we had no idea. he was just like "cowboy movie! yeehaw" and then my dad realized what was going on before I did, and we watched people scream and throw food and walk out throwing tantrums, and my very undiagnosed anxiety disorder skyrocketed because of the crowd reaction. my dad asked if we needed to leave, I said the crowd was stressing me out but I was liking the movie. so he said "cool. let them leave and enjoy it in peace" which is what we did, and then I kept watching and I understood™️ and my anxiety did not get better, but on the drive home the only thing dad said was "well! they told a hell of a love story" and he said the nervous dad cackle, and at 14 I didn't get him very much at all, but I think he knew years before I knew and he was trying to figure out how to tell me it was okay.