Hate it when you have An Appointment in a few days and you're like well now I have no time to do anything at all because there is An Appointment in my future

dead tired today so I grabbed a coffee from the gas station & the guy greeted me by trying to say “is that everything “ but fumbled and said “e ga thebythin” and me trying to say “yeah” or “yup” just went “YIP!” in response. No survivors

i think i'll fag out even though it's only monday

I went to mad at you island and staged a revolution and now its the democratic peoples republic of loves you island

Skipping the ad isn’t enough I need the liberty mutual guy to be sentenced to the chamber of eternal torment

‼️ Breaking: Cloth mother and wire mother have been caught "lezzing out"

(sees a normal and common thing) no way is this specifically a reference to my friend #myfriend?

*dies hundreds of years ago as the village fool* well that fucking sucked lol let’s try again *reincarnated as a tumblr user* FUUUUUUCK

me and my fuck ass mouth

*dies hundreds of years ago as the village fool* well that fucking sucked lol let’s try again *reincarnated as a micropterix aruncella* FUUUUUUCK

thank you osha thank you shift limits thank you mandatory breaks thank you overtime pay thank you labour laws thank you workers rights thank you unions thank you protesters thank you advocates thank you workers!!!!!!!

"the early 2010s were better" no they weren't. "hey soul sister" was on the radio.

stereo. The way you move ain’t fair you know.

i wanna be able to teleport

That's really cool, man