unhinged

plans for the summer

to the people who said “this except alcohol”: i support you & your sobriety/preference for other substances. i hope all goes well and you have the best summer ever.

it’s their first season playing together and a video goes around of ilya calling shane sweetheart on the ice. it sparks a dumb controversy where people are calling them unprofessional and speculating that their teammates are uncomfortable having a couple on the team.

i have a headcanon that shane has a very prominent queer fanbase wayyy before coming out. he’s got a speedo sponsorship and he’s an underwear model, the gays are frothing over him constantly. he’s relatively unaware of this cause he’s not on social media but at some point he hears someone refer to him as a gay icon and he nearly has a panic attack.

I need more Ilya out freaking other players when they chirp about his relationship. Some hockey player says "you're just Hollander's little bitch" and he answers "yes we have leash and collar with my name" in such a straight face no one can tell if it's a joke or if he's serious. Or he makes a goal and someone says "does he reward you for being good later" and he says "yeah I'm only allowed to cum when I score".

More HR as textposts:

ilya being the biggest “my husband” guy ever makes my heart feel so warm. he never really had a family who he could claim as his own all the time like this and so all of that repressed love and ownership for his husband comes through in every conversation he has with literally anybody. shane hollander has him on a leash, yes, but it was tied on by ilya himself and handed it to shane.