yeah no it's time to retvrn
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yeah no it's time to retvrn

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For those of you who were a fan of Gloyd, I present some of my collection of names of actual human children who wrote Dear Santa letters in 1920s/30s Oklahoma.
These aren’t all necessarily “weirder than Gloyd” but fall into three rough categories which I’ve dubbed: “that’s got a nice ring to it”, “if I used this in a novel it would be considered too unrealistic” and “you’ve got 5 seconds to name a character that lives in 1920s Oklahoma, GO!”:
Orualin LaJune Adams
Happy Apple
LeRoy Balmain
Lortha Breeden
Burnie Cheek
Pearl Cherry
Hastings Chuculate
Dude Coffett
Therman Copperbarger
Willdean Custer
Alega Mae Dake
Toots Easley
Austenetta Earnhart
Estaline Eskridge
Lolo Mae Fallis
Billy Ray Farmer
Winny Jo Girty
Guy Goforth
Joil Maze Goff
Ermentrude Goodwin
Charlemagne Guinn
Mack Gunter
Lulia Hollingsworth
Volt Knox
Odamay Luckett
Rufina Maytubby
Alvis McCullough
Floradean Mills
Mearl Montgomery
Hillis Pandler
Almazene Parker
Bessielee Pilley
Duval Pitchford
Ruby Jo Plunkett
Ezra Roach
Curley Sasser
Wahlela Maude Shumate
Ferman Steely
Mandaline Thorton
Pershing Trout
Wanda Trudgeon
Lloyd Veal
Lythene Vermillion
Haskell Vest
Betty Jo Wheat
Eldara Wichert
Clabe Haze Yeargain
Juanita Yocom
Milo Zumwalt
every small city has that one dictator chic house
I don't know why, but every city, no matter how big, has some insanely stacked dictator-looking McMansion somewhere outside the city limits. If you sort your Zillow results as Price: High - Low, this house will pop up first. It costs something like $5,000,000. It is 10,000 square feet. There are usually frescos and tawdry gildedness of some variety. The realtor's text brags of marble and uses the word "Manor."
Today, our house, squarely in this category, is found in the suburbs of Milwaukee, WI, not really a place known for unhinged 21st century robber barons. In fact, I find Wisconsin to be one of the least McMansion-dense states in the country. Even the guy who invented Culvers or the Milwaukee Bucks probably has a much less insane house than the one I'm about to show you:
Built in 1999 (owing to what kind of economic event outside of perhaps the dot-com bubble, I'm not sure), this house is indeed around $5 million and 10,000 square feet. I am not sure how much of the square footage includes the garage. Anyway, if you told me this house was from Wisconsin, I would not have believed you. Illinois, maybe, the DC area, maybe, California, maybe, Texas, most likely. But no. It is in Milwaukee and it is the one house in the surrounding area that looks like this and costs this much.
In typical local-magnate fashion, the house opens up with white and gilding. This is how you know the people who live there are really rich and have Made It. All the McMansion signifiers are present: chopsticks machine, lawyer foyer, puzzling and dull art, always in imitation of something architecturally undefined but possibly French.
In an attempt to not be too off-putting (indeed, having a ceiling full of religious symbolism seems a bit overzealous even if its purpose is to scream "I HAVE MEDICI-LEVEL AMOUNTS OF MONEY"), the house is furnished, well, normally. It cannot decide whether it wants to sell (it will never sell) or if it wants to lean into being an eccentric millionaire's house. This is very cowardly.
Perhaps the decorative thought process comes from a desire to elevate the ordinary into the realm of the sublime. Sure, let's go with that and not the fact that obscenely rich people are uniquely obsessed with French Rococo aesthetics because they long for a time when democracy wasn't real.
On the other hand, I guess you don't really need a functional kitchen if you never have to work a day in your life!
One thing that strikes me about extremely rich people is sometimes they don't know how ordinary people live and function and in this case, design a bathroom. Hence, they are one clogged toilet away from carpet replacement. Imagine living life on the edge like that.
"I wish to lie awake and stare wistfully into copies of my visage." - things totally normal people would say.
Everyone needs to have one chinoiserie room in their house - it's part of being a global citizen. Also I appreciate the effort of turning six acres in Wisconsin into Versailles 2. That's a worthy endeavor because $6 million dollars goes half as far in California. You might be able to buy a shrub for that much.
Finally, we reach the rear of the house, which is, well, phallic:
Obviously this is paying homage to the vernacular forms of the grain silo. Or something.
Happy New Year.
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a timeless classic.
I can’t with this. This fucks me up every time.
i still can’t believe that a human being can make that face
welp, guess it’s time to revive this account since twitter is burning down quicker than anticipated

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This is so fuckin funny
Happy New Year
Somebody needs to chill out and listen to some smooth jizz
I was almost at the end when I realized it might have sound. *chefs kiss*
Box boy
(via)
he-man was right. whats going on

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Little Shop of Horrors Animated Series in the same vein as the Beetlejuice one where Audrey II eats burgers and takes Seymour and Audrey on wacky space adventures
This actually existed! It was a very short lived series that transplanted everyone into high school for some reason????
Here’s the intro!
you ever think about how in star wars the four heroes that overthrew the tyrannical empire and inagurated a new government are the princess of a tragically destroyed planet, a wisecracking rogue, the last heir of a religious order of wizards who do actual literal magic, and.........a city mayor
i should clarify that im not disparaging lando here i'm just wondering what it's like to be in a space fantasy adventure as the ONE member of your friend group who knows what a zoning law is
You can frequently see this in Lando's face.
so there’s no hot evil villain in love with me?
huh, so this is tumblr in 2021. nice.

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OK I have watched MANY videos and here it is for all you kids to learn your viral/meme video history, here are some premium vintage meme fodder:
Hampster Dance (1998) Rejected (2000) All Your Base (2001) Tidus Laughing (2001) The End of the World (2003) Badger Badger Badger (2003) Hyakugojyuuichi!!! (2003) GI Joe PSAs (2003) Llama Song (2004) Banana Phone (2004) Ddautta (There She Is!) (2004) Charlie the Unicorn (2005) Cillit Bang (2006) Caramelldansen (2006) Metal Gear Awesome (2006) Leekspin (2006) Marissa Stole the Precious Thing (2006) The Mysterious Ticking Noise (2007) Powerthirst (2007) Paffendorf (2007) Splash Attack (2007) Caipirinha Dance (2007) I Take a Potato Chip… (2007) Nico Nico Douga Medley (2007) Ronald McDonald Ran Ran Ru (2008) Danjo (2008) Giga Pudding (2008) The Ultimate Showdown (2008) Balsamic Vinegar (2008) Sakura-Con Commercial (2009) Shamwow (2009) Slapchop (2009) OK GO- Here It Goes Again (2009) Stu Making Chocolate Pudding at 4 AM (2010) HEYYEYAA (2010) Galo Sengan (2011)
There are probably more that I’m missing. Some of these videos are part of a series (GI Joe, Potter Puppet Pals) and I didn’t count shitty videos like those idiot laughing babies.
Oh my fucking god, I was a retro memer
I can’t believe we’re already calling Charlie the Unicorn vintage, I feel so old
Charlie the Unicorn would be in 6th grade if it was a person.
GI JOEEEEEE
and don’t forget these classics
They’re Taking The Hobbits To Isengard (2006) Numa Numa (2006) The Gummy Bear Song (2007) The Duck Song (2009) White & Nerdy (2009) Trololo (2010) Nyan Cat (2011)
My early to mid twenties just came back and slapped me in the face with nostalgia.
YAS
The Lonely Astronaut (2000)
NUMA NUMA IS MY JAM
men with anime avatars talking about how much they love military history is the internet equivalent of venomous animals being bright orange