have we talked about this yet? please tell me we’ve talked about this already

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@dc-nuts
have we talked about this yet? please tell me we’ve talked about this already

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Dick is extra T H I C C
the butts match
this is all I could think of with that frigging batman conspiracy post memes ruin lives bruce.
WE JUST TOOK THIS MEME TO THE NEXT LEVEL HOLY GOD I’M DYING LOL.
In retrospect this continuation seems obvious.
Y'all don't understand. I love this man.

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how is it not canon that when Alfred’s pissed at Bruce, he serves everyone else handmade rigatoni with a secret sauce recipe and just when the batkids are all sitting down to dinner, he opens a cold ass can of spaghettios “meatball delights” and plops it down in front of Bruce radiating don’t like it? then starve energy
and Bruce just sighs and eats it
Then starve.
dark knights of steel #1 variant cover by dan mora
I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch
Batman’s Villains: The butler will be easy prey!
He’s just an old man…he doesn’t have any of the Batman’s gadgets or training or fighting skills!
Alfred: Oh my you’re right
There’s something else of Master Bruce’s I don’t have as well
(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING
Batman’s Villains: Wayne isn’t here to save you old man!
Alfred:
Alfred is the original “Call an ambulance — but not for me”
@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this
Bruce: I have a code.
Alfred: And I have a gun.
Bruce: time to remove the guns.
Alfred: good fucking luck.
I’ve peer reviewed @ebonyheartnet’s addition and found that it deserves a reblog.
We don’t appreciate the fact that Bruce Wayne is a Kardasian level celebrity enough. Everyone knows him. I want more one shots and crack fic moments where the League (Pre identity reveals) just openly talk about Bruce Wayne in front of Batman.
Just imagine them playing fuck, marry, kill with famous actors and such and throwing Bruce into the mix. And Batman just sits there, silently suffering as he listens to the reasons why Flash and Lantern would marry, fuck, or kill him. He prays they choose kill. They don’t.
Barry: Eat the rich!
Bruce: Oh thank Go-
Clark: Oh, I intend to 🥴🥵
It’s Batman’s turn. Bruce needs to decide whether to marry himself for the money or throw himself off the cliff.
Okay but can you imagine what kind of identity reveal situation that would be?
“I would fuck —-, I would marry —-, and then I would commit suicide.”
“Batman, that’s not how the game is played. You have to choose for Bruce Wayne.”
“I did.”
“…WHAT?!”
Omg this is the content I live for 😂😂

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not a single braincell between them, as it should be 😌
Batman: Wayne Family Adventures #2 - “The Last Cookie” (2021)
written by CRC Payne art by Starbite, Maria Li, Lan Ma, & Jean Kim
Gotta keep a straight face u guys
based on this post
Man at first in the last panel I thought Alfred was checking his own pockets for money to pay the fee for Jason.
pls spare some brain cells for them. thank u
BONUS:

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*Hnggrr* “He’s… not ‘not’ my bestfriend…”