𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

itoshi rin

rin genuinely believed he was mysterious in middle school. in reality, he was just... 13. there is an old instagram account consisting entirely of blurry pictures of rain puddles, empty hallways, electrical poles, and black-and-white photos of his own shoes with captions like "..." or "nothing lasts forever." he posted these from an iphone 6 while his mom was texting him asking what he wanted for dinner. 

when he first discovered english, he refused to use google translate because he thought he was "figuring it out naturally." he wasn't. there is still an old bio floating around somewhere that proudly read: cold... never giveing up... wolf spirit... football is my destiny... don't disturbing me. 

sae found it within 30 seconds. 

as a kid he was interviewed after a youth tournament and, with his entire face covered in juice from the orange slices they gave everyone afterward, looked dead into the camera and said, "i don't have friends because they slow me down." right after finishing the interview, he walked over to his teammate and asked if they wanted to trade pokemon cards. the contrast hurts. 

there exists security camera footage from a grocery store where he walked directly into one of those automatic glass doors because he expected it to open faster than it actually did. instead of checking whether anyone saw, he stared at the door like it had hit him. 

he once got caught practicing intimidating facial expressions in his phone camera before a match because he wanted to "look scarier." buttt, he forgot the front camera was recording. the video is just 5 straight minutes of him furrowing his eyebrows in complete silence before sneezing out of nowhere. 

itoshi sae

sae had the opposite problem: his digital footprint is almost nonexistent... except for the tiny handful of things that somehow make everything worse. 

there is exactly one surviving family video from when he was around 9 years old where he confidently performed an entire dance routine during a school festival. it’s because he misunderstood the assignment and thought everyone had to commit. his expression never changes once. he performs every move with the seriousness of someone conducting heart surgery while wearing a glittery cowboy hat two sizes too big. 

when he first moved overseas, he confidently started using spanish slang he'd overheard from his teammates without fully understanding what any of it actually meant. one day after a match, he wanted to congratulate one of them and proudly went, "felicidades, papi (congratulations, daddy).” the locker room went dead silent for exactly one second before everyone completely lost it. 

he once appeared in the background of another player's vlog carrying 9 grocery bags because he'd refused help. halfway through the parking lot one bag broke, oranges rolled in every direction, and instead of reacting like a normal person he simply stared at them for a full 10 seconds before sighing like this couldn’t have been avoided and it wasn’t his fault. 

he thought "photo booths are a waste of money." someone dragged him into one anyway. every single strip gets progressively worse because he clearly doesn't understand what you're supposed to do. first picture: 😐. second picture: 😐. third picture: slightly smaller 😐. fourth picture: blinked. 

his childhood haircut deserves prison time. nobody talks about it because they're scared of him, but the evidence exists… 

nagi seishiro

nagi's entire digital footprint is basically proof that nobody should've given him unrestricted internet access before the age of 13. 

there are years worth of abandoned youtube channels with names like epicdragonmaster72, nagi_gamez_real, and minecraftproofficial2, each containing exactly one upload before he got bored. every video starts with, "uh... hey guys..." followed by 23 seconds of silence because he forgot what he wanted to record. 

he once accidentally left his microphone on during an online game and recorded himself arguing with his mom because she told him to take a shower. 

"5 more minutes.” 

"you said that 40 minutes ago." 

"yeah, but now i mean it." 

the clip has been reposted so many times that even professional players quote it at him. 

there is a photo from elementary school sports day where every child is smiling except nagi, who's lying face-down in the grass because he decided the event had "gone on long enough." teachers initially thought he'd fainted. he was just bored. 

his search history would kill him. i’m talking: can you microwave frozen pancakes. how long can clean clothes stay in basket before technically dirty. do plants know if you forget to water them. is sleeping 12 hours actually bad. 

he once confidently answered "yes" during a school presentation after the teacher asked, "does anyone have any questions?" the entire classroom stared at him. he had misheard. 

mikage reo

reo's family tried very hard to give him a polished public image growing up. unfortunately, they couldn't stop him from being deeply, painfully enthusiastic. 

there is a professionally filmed video from a charity event where 10 year old reo confidently walks onto stage, trips on air, disappears below the podium for a full second, stands back up, brushes imaginary dust off his suit, and continues his speech as if the laws of physics simply didn't apply to him. the audience applauded harder after the recovery than the speech itself. 

he had an embarrassingly intense "gentleman" phase after watching old movies where he'd insist on introducing himself by kissing the backs of elderly women's hands. everyone thought it was adorable except him years later, when his grandmother showed the compilation during his birthday dinner and joked about how this is why his elementary school teacher hit on him. 

his first ever username was something like richboy_reo because he genuinely thought people would assume it meant he was "rich in personality." nobody assumed that. 

middle school reo discovered expensive cologne and interpreted "one spray is enough" as "they're lying." there's an old class photo where every student is smiling except the one directly behind him, whose eyes are watering because the scent cloud was apparently visible to the naked eye. 

before he met nagi, he tried making motivational workout content online. one particularly infamous clip features him enthusiastically saying, "if i can do it, so can you!" before quickly slipping off a balance ball and vanishing completely out of frame. whoever edited the video zoomed in, replayed it 3 times, and added meme sound effects. he accidentally uploaded that version instead of the original and didn't notice until it had already accumulated thousands of views. 

even years later, nagi still occasionally watches it when reo starts acting a little too smug. "you gonna finish lecturing me... or are you gonna fall off another yoga ball?" 

"delete that video." 

"mmm... no." 

bachira meguru

bachira's mom absolutely documented everything. every birthday, every school recital, every random tuesday where he decided wearing rain boots with pajamas was "fashion." buttt for him, she also believed facebook albums should contain no fewer than 387 PHOTOS each. there is an entire album titled "meguru discovers worms!! 🪱💛" consisting of him enthusiastically introducing individual worms to the camera like they're distinguished guests at a dinner party. "this one's really nice. his name is noodles." he was 7 years old. 

he went through a phase where he thought beatboxing was the coolest skill a human being could possess. he wasn't good at it tho. there are dozens of voice memos on an old ipad that are just "boots and cats and boots and c– pffft– hold on." once, he accidentally sent one into the class group chat instead of his homework. nobody let him forget it for the rest of middle school. 

there is a clip from a youth tournament where the interviewer asks, "what motivates you to play soccer?" and bachira, after thinking very seriously for a moment, goes, "the little monster in my head.” complete silence. one parent in the background quietly asks, "... should we tell someone?" 

he made one of those "day in my life" videos as a kid and completely forgot other people would actually watch it. halfway through, he proudly shows the audience the tiny pebble he's been carrying around for 3 weeks because "it has good energy." the comments were split between "this kid is adorable" and "i think he's communicating with spirits." 

when he laughs really hard, he still occasionally snorts exactly like he did when he was 8. there is no escaping your genetics. 

shidou ryusei

shidou's digital footprint is less "embarrassing" and more "how are you still allowed to participate in society?" 

there is security camera footage from a convenience store where he walked in, saw one of those inflatable tube men outside through the window, pointed at it, and shouted, "HE'S JUST LIKE ME!" before sprinting outside to hug it. the tube man reflexively smacked him across the face. 

he once accidentally livestreamed himself trying to cut his own hair because "how hard could it be?" the answer was very. halfway through, he realized he'd created an accidental bald spot, stared into the camera for a solid 10 seconds, sighed, and muttered, "well... we're committed now." he emerged the next day wearing a beanie in the middle of summer and claimed he was “trying to be a trendsetter.” 

there is an old school disciplinary video where teachers are trying to explain why climbing onto the gym roof is dangerous. "why did you do it?" 

"wanted to see the sunset." 

"... during math class?" 

"yeah?" 

he downloaded one of those voice changer apps and spent an entire weekend prank-calling his own friends pretending to be an old lady. everyone knew it was him because he'd randomly start laughing halfway through every sentence. 

there's a clip of him celebrating a goal so aggressively during a youth match that he tripped over absolutely nothing, rolled 3 times across the grass, stood back up with both thumbs in the air, and somehow got an even louder cheer than the actual goal. 

karasu tabito

karasu had the confidence of someone who genuinely believed he was the funniest person in every room. sometimes he was. sometimes... he was not. 

his middle school youtube history is full of videos titled things like "top 100 savage comebacks" and "how to roast people instantly." he memorized them like they were flashcards. one day, he confidently hit a classmate with, "yer built like an expired yogurt." 

"... what does that even mean?" 

"... i dunno." 

there’s an old video from a school festival where he volunteered to emcee because he thought he'd absolutely crush it. he spent the first 30 seconds making jokes that landed perfectly... and then confidently introduced the wrong performance group. the poor elementary choir walked onstage while he proudly announced, "LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE KARATE CLUB!" 

he went through a phase where every single instagram caption ended with a smirking emoji because he thought it made him look cooler. 

good game 😏 

pizza 😏 

happy mother's day 😏 

like stop. please. 

(thankfully) his teammates had to steal his phone and remove the emoji from his favorites. 

he once tried winking at someone across the room because he thought it'd be funny. then he got dust in his eye halfway through and ended up looking like he was having a medical emergency. 

kaiser michael

kaiser genuinely thought he invented aura. 

there is an ancient photo from his teenage years where he is wearing approximately 6 different necklaces, 3 rings on one finger, leather pants that looked painted onto his body, a scarf despite it being july, and a vest with no shirt underneath. every single item individually could've worked. together? he looked like he'd lost a fight with a pinterest board titled "dark prince aesthetic” or something. 

before becoming famous, he tried making football edits of himself. every video featured aggressively slowed-down clips, random latin phrases, phonk music, and enough monochrome filters to convince people color had been outlawed. the comments were ruthless: bro thinks he's the final boss. who edited this? shakespeare? it's a 5-second pass, calm down. 

he once got caught practicing "effortless" candid poses in a store window reflection. he didn't realize the glass was transparent. everyone inside watched him dramatically lean against a wall, look into the distance, adjust his hair, leave the frame, and immediately come back to try again because he didn't like the first attempt. 

there's an old interview where someone asked him what his greatest weakness was. 

"i don't have one." 

"be serious." 

"i am." 

the interviewer just blinked. 

every now and then, someone reposts an old photo where he attempted to bleach his hair by himself before he knew what toner was. it came out super yellow. ness claims it looked "radiant." literally everybody else calls it the banana era. 

ness alexis

ness… has the kind of digital footprint that screams gifted kid who discovered editing software! 

there are approximately 200 anime-style edits he made in middle school using free editing apps, complete with glowing eyes, galaxy overlays, fake lightning, floating feathers, and enlarged text that simply read: "never underestimate me." the character in the edit? himself. 

he went through an impossible-to-defend magic phase. not liking magic. genuinely trying to become a magician. 

there is a christmas video where he confidently announces he's about to make a coin disappear forever. he then drops it into the heating vent and bursts into tears because it actually disappeared forever. 

his first powerpoint presentation in school had 43 slide transitions. every single bullet point exploded, spun, bounced, dissolved, or flew in from somewhere. his teacher reportedly looked motion sick by slide #8. 

he once accidentally posted a selfie to his story instead of sending it privately because he wanted to check if his hair looked fluffy enough. the caption simply read: hmmm... maybe. he deleted it 30 seconds later, but it was too late. 

there’s also an old screenshot where he corrected someone's grammar on youtube with: "actually, it's 'you're,' not 'your.' 😊 just trying to help!" he never lives this down. 

and finally... because the universe enjoys bullying him... there exists one ancient livestream clip that ness has spent years trying to erase from the internet. every time it resurfaces online, kaiser likes it within 10 seconds. 

he was answering viewer questions when someone asked, "what's something you've always wanted a partner to do for you?" 

without a single ounce of hesitation, he leaned toward the microphone and said, "i think it'd be cute if they dressed as a puppy. just once. like with little floppy ears! and maybe they'd bark once! i think it'd be really adorable!" 

yeah, you’re cooked. 

itoshi rin

rin's letters are painfully short because he erases every sentence that feels unnecessary until only the truth remains. no crossed-out words, no decorations, no fluff – only dark green fountain pen on thick cream paper folded into perfect thirds. 

he never hands them to you himself. you'll simply find one resting on your desk, tucked beneath your phone, or waiting on your nightstand after he's already left the room. 

the only thing that gives him away before you even unfold it is the impossibly precise fold and your name written in immaculate handwriting. 

people think i don't notice much. they're wrong. 

i notice when you pretend you're not tired. i notice when you smile differently because it's real. i notice that you always reach for my hand without looking. you've done it so many times that you already know where i'll be. 

i wonder if that's what trust feels like. like when we're apart, i keep reaching anyway. it's embarrassing. i've never told anyone that before. 

i don't pray. i don't make wishes. i don't even believe life gives people what they deserve. but every morning i wake up beside you, it feels like someone made a mistake in my favor. 

if there is another lifetime, find me again. i don't want to learn how to live without you twice. 

itoshi sae

sae writes on expensive cream stationery with this deep teal ink that matches the pools of his irises. his handwriting belongs in a museum – clean, graceful, so impossibly composed. 

no doodles. no unnecessary embellishments. the only indulgence is a small pink-red wax seal pressed onto the envelope because he likes beautiful things, and like so, you have become one of them. 

he never gives the letter to you directly. instead, it waits in your hotel room after one of his matches, tucked beneath your pillow or inside the book you packed for the flight. 

his letters don't feel like confessions. they feel like pieces of himself he'd never let anyone else hold. 

i've stood in cities people spend their entire lives dreaming about. i've watched the sun rise in places so beautiful they don't seem real. i've collected passport stamps. trophies. hotel keys. boarding passes. the list goes on. 

and yet… none of them have stayed with me the way one ordinary afternoon on the sofa with you has. 

isn't that strange? the world keeps offering me extraordinary things. but the memory i return to most is your head on my shoulder while neither of us said anything. 

you changed my definition of enough. i used to think fulfillment was something you earned. now i know sometimes it merely sits beside you, steals your blanket, and falls asleep halfway through a movie. 

if i lose everything one day… i don't think i'll be afraid. i already know what i'd spend the rest of my life trying to find again. 

you. 

nagi seishiro

nagi complains the entire time he's writing because his hand hurts after half a page, yet somehow, he always ends up filling both sides anyway. his handwriting is messy, slanted, abbreviated, and occasionally unreadable, with random doodles of sleepy cats, game controllers, clouds, and tiny versions of the two of you scattered between paragraphs. 

he writes with whatever blue pen happens to be closest and probably steals the paper from reo because buying stationery sounds like too much work. 

you'll find the letter somewhere ridiculous – inside your pocket, tucked into the snack cupboard, or hidden inside the game case you were about to use. 

it reads exactly like talking to him: sleepy, funny, scattered... until one sentence quietly breaks your heart. 

i thought love would've been louder tbh. cuz everyone talks abt fireworks + music + all that dramatic stuff. mine was quieter tho. 

it sounded like ur keys unlocking the front door. it sounded like u asking if i wanted dinner. it sounded like u telling me to move over bc i was taking up the whole couch. 

i don't think u noticed… but i started making room before u even asked. i don't really make room for people. u js... became part of where i wanted to be. 

yk i've won games, slept for 16 hours, finally beaten levels i've been stuck on 4ever. but none of that feels as good as hearing u laugh from another room and realizing ur here. 

if home is supposed to be a place u don't wanna leave… i think mine learned how to smile. it looks a lot like u :x 

mikage reo

reo treats every love letter as though it's a gift you'll treasure forever. lavender stationery edged in gold, matching envelopes sealed with dark wax bearing his initials, deep violet ink, pressed flowers tucked inside, and the faintest trace of his cologne on the paper because he secretly hopes years from now you'll unfold the letter and remember exactly what it felt like to hug him. 

he leaves them where you'll discover them first thing in the morning – on your breakfast tray, beside your coffee, resting against your pillow before he leaves for an away match. 

every letter starts polished and composed before slowly becoming more vulnerable than he ever intended. 

i've been given almost everything i've ever asked for. that's the funny thing. people assume that means i never learned how to want. then i met you. now i want ridiculous things. 

i want ordinary thursdays (where we be chuds in the house all day). 

i want grocery shopping with you arguing over which cereal to buy (because one is always healthier than the other, but doesn’t taste as good). 

i want to hear you complain that i'm humming too loudly while i cook (i sing good, okay?). 

i want wrinkles beside your eyes because i've spent decades making you laugh (dw i’ll buy whatever expensive eye cream you want). 

i want our grandchildren to roll their eyes when i tell them, for the hundredth time, about how beautiful you looked the day i realized i loved you (they’ll be sooo sick of me). 

i used to dream about becoming someone unforgettable. now my greatest dream is much smaller. 

i hope that when you're 80… and someone asks you if you lived a happy life… your first thought is still us. 

if that's selfish… i'll spend the rest of my life being selfish. after all, there has never been a future i want more than the one where i grow old enough to forget everything... except the sound of you saying my name. 

bachira meguru

bachira cannot commit to one ink color to save his life. the first paragraph is orange, the next is green, then purple, then back to yellow because "it felt happier." every margin is covered in doodles – little bees, flowers, smiling clouds, soccer balls with tiny faces, and cartoon versions of the two of you holding hands. 

the envelope has stickers on it before you've even opened it. sometimes there's a smiley face beside your name. sometimes he draws a tiny bee wearing a crown because he thought it looked cute. 

he hides his letters like little treasures – inside your lunchbox, tucked into your shoe, folded into your sketchbook, or slipped into your jacket pocket before you leave. he wants you to discover them when you least expect it. 

they always begin lightheartedly before quietly unraveling into something that makes your chest ache. 

today, i saw a butterfly with one wing that was a little smaller than the other. it still flew. it just looked different doing it. 

i think people are like that, too. everyone thinks love is supposed to fix the broken parts. you never tried to fix mine. you kissed them. you laughed with them. you made space for them. i didn't know someone could look at every strange little piece of me and decide they wanted all of it. 

do you know what my favorite sound is? it's not the crowd after i score. it's not the ball hitting the net. it's you laughing so hard you accidentally lean into me. i wish i could keep that sound in my pocket. then i'd never have to worry about lonely days. 

if there's another universe somewhere… i hope i still find you. even if you're a stranger. no, scratch that, ESPECIALLY if you’re a stranger. i think i'd recognize your smile before i remembered my own name. 

shidou ryusei

the envelope is bright red. or neon pink. or electric orange. there's absolutely nothing subtle about it. you know it's from him before you've even picked it up. he’s the only one that would pick colors so loud. 

his handwriting is all over the place – big, bold, messy, with words underlined 3 times because apparently every sentence is the most important sentence he's ever written lmao. 

there are stars, lightning bolts, badly drawn hearts, and random doodles squeezed between paragraphs because sitting still long enough to write a letter is already asking a lot of him. 

he shoves it into your hands with a grin, immediately tells you not to read it in front of him, then spends the next 10 minutes hovering behind you because he's dying to know your reaction. 

you're gonna laugh at me for writing this. don't. i already know it's embarrassing. 

but what i wanna say is: i've broken bones before. i've split my lip open. i've walked off the field covered in blood. none of that scared me as much as realizing one day… you could leave. 

i think that's when i knew. because all of a sudden, every goodbye felt too long. every hug ended too soon. every time you smiled at someone else, my heart got all stupid and weird. 

i hate that you can do that to me. i hate that i love it, too. 

basically, if the whole world disappeared tomorrow… i wouldn't be thinking about football. i'd be looking for your hand. 

because i've learned something: everything feels alive when you're looking at me. everything else just feels loud. 

karasu tabito

he’s all matte black stationery with silver gel ink because he thinks it looks cooler than regular paper, and annoyingly... he's right. 

his handwriting is clean, slightly slanted, confident. he rarely crosses anything out because he knows what he wants to say before the pen touches the page. 

there are no hearts or flowers, but tiny crows somehow end up doodled in the corners every single time. he claims he doesn't notice he's doing it. 

he slips his letters into your notebook, your tote bag, or under your windshield wiper before driving away. he'd rather let the letter speak than stand there awkwardly while you read it. 

don't start smilin’ just because i wrote ya a letter. actually… never mind. smile. i like when ya do that. 

ya know what's funny? i've spent most of my life thinkin’ love had to be excitin’, loud, and complicated. then ya showed up and somehow made silence feel interestin’. 

i've never been good at sitting still. except beside ya. with ya… i've watched rain hit windows for hours. i've finished cold cups of coffee because i forgot to drink them while listenin’ to ya talk. i've missed green lights because i was lookin’ at ya instead (terrible, i know). 

ya slowed me down. and still… i've never felt more alive. 

if anyone ever asks me what peace looks like… i'm probably just gonna show them a picture of ya <3 

kaiser michael

kaiser adores using heavy cream paper with a navy border, folded with impossible precision and sealed with dark blue wax pressed into the shape of a rose. one dried blue rose petal always slips out when you unfold the letter. 

he writes in elegant cursive with a fountain pen in deep navy ink. not a single correction. if he made a mistake, he rewrote the entire page. he’s a perfectionist like that. 

the paper smells faintly of his cologne because he kept it in the drawer beside his watches for days before deciding it was worthy to meet you. 

he never hands it to you. you'll find it tucked inside the novel you were reading, waiting in your hotel room after one of his matches, or hidden in your coat pocket before winter. 

before you… i measured my life by applause. how loud. how long. how many people stood when i entered a room or a field. it turns out applause echoes. it fills the room. then it leaves. 

you didn't. you stayed after the lights were gone. after the interviews and all the goals that no longer mattered. you loved the version of me that nobody clapped for. the tired one. the frightened one. the little boy who spent years believing affection was something people earned through perfection. 

you looked at every flaw i tried to bury beneath trophies… and loved me there. 

if i spend the rest of my life trying to deserve you… i still don't think i'll succeed. but i hope you'll let me keep trying. 

because every beautiful thing i've ever touched has eventually slipped through my fingers. i don't know what i'd become if you did, too. 

ness alexis

ness’s love letter signatures include magenta stationery with silver stars pressed into the border, tied shut with a pale ribbon because folding it plainly somehow feels too ordinary for something meant for you. 

beautiful looping handwriting that almost looks printed, every sentence perfectly spaced, every letter written slowly as though he's afraid rushing would somehow make the words less sincere. 

tiny sparkles, stars, moons, flowers, and little constellations fill the empty spaces around the page. 

he leaves the letter beneath your pillow before leaving for training or tucked inside your favorite novel because he's far too nervous to watch you read it. 

sometimes i wonder if people know they've changed someone's life while they're doing it. i don't think you knew. you smiled at me the same way you smiled at everyone else. you asked if i was alright like it was the most ordinary question in the world. it became the question that saved me. 

i've spent so much of my life trying to become someone worth choosing. someone useful, impressive, impossible to leave behind. then you loved me on days when i had nothing to offer except my company. 

do you know what that does to a person? it teaches them that maybe they were lovable before they started performing. 

i still have days where i wake up afraid you'll realize you've made a mistake. then you reach for my hand before you're fully awake… and every fear goes quiet. 

if one day i forget every match i've ever played… every trophy… every city… every face… i hope my heart remembers yours. i think it learned your name long before i ever wrote it down. 

yukimiya kenyu

yukimiya's letters are written on soft ivory paper with the faintest embossed border, always in dark brown fountain pen because he thinks black feels too harsh for something as gentle as love. his handwriting is elegant and fashion-magazine perfect, every line evenly spaced as if he spent hours making sure the page looked as beautiful as the words. 

tucked inside the envelope is almost always something tiny – a pressed flower from a walk you took together, a movie ticket he secretly kept, or a polaroid where you're laughing so hard your face is blurry. he treasures ordinary moments more than grand gestures. 

he leaves his letters somewhere they'll find you during a quiet moment – inside your journal, beneath your pillow before an away match, or folded into the sweater he knows you'll steal from him. 

there's always one sentence written smaller than the rest near the bottom, something he almost didn't have the courage to admit. 

people always tell me to keep looking ahead. keep chasing the next goal. the next dream. the next version of myself. i've spent so much of my life afraid that if i stopped moving, i'd lose everything. 

then i met you. and for the first time... i wanted to slow down. 

i wanted mornings that didn't belong to anyone except us. i wanted rainy afternoons where we forgot to check the time. i wanted to memorize the freckles on your body instead of another stadium. 

i've seen sunsets from airplanes, city lights from hotel balconies, fireworks after championships. they were beautiful. but beauty has never looked back at me. beauty has never laughed because i accidentally burned breakfast. beauty has never reached across the bed in its sleep just to make sure i was still there. you have. 

people ask me what i see when i picture the future. i never tell them the truth. it isn't another trophy. it isn't another headline. it's the light spilling through our bedroom curtains while you complain that i woke up too early again. it's growing old enough that the lines on your face become familiar to my fingertips. 

if i lose my sight one day… i don't think the world will become dark. i've spent so long learning the shape of your hands. i could find my way back to you with my eyes closed. 

barou shoei

barou refuses to buy "cute stationery." it's thick black paper with crisp white lettering because it's practical, clean, and gets the job done. his handwriting is sharp, blocky, and ridiculously neat, almost intimidating until you remember whose hands wrote every word. 

there are no decorations. no hearts. no perfume. no ribbons. 

the only thing that makes it unmistakably his is the envelope sealed with a small gold sticker because he doesn't trust the flap to stay shut. 

he'll never hand it to you directly. instead, you'll find it perfectly centered on the kitchen counter after he's already left for training, right beside the breakfast he made. 

every letter begins stiffly... and then somewhere along the way, the king forgets he's supposed to be guarding his heart. 

i've never understood people who say love changes you. it doesn't. it reveals you. 

before i met you, i thought strength meant never depending on anyone. never waiting, never needing, like a true king. 

then you started leaving your mug beside mine in the sink. your shoes by the front door. your shampoo in the shower. your laugh in every room of the house. 

and one day, the realization finally hit me. none of those things annoyed me. i started expecting them. looking for them. missing them. 

i've built my entire life on discipline. everything has a place. everything has a routine. you ruined all of it. 

now dinner feels wrong if you're working late. the bed feels too big when you're away. i catch myself cooking enough for two even when you're not home. that's your fault. 

don't apologize for it though. keep ruining my routines. keep leaving hair ties on the bathroom counter. keep stealing my clothes. keep reaching for my hand before we cross the street. 

i've conquered a lot of things. you're the only thing i've ever happily surrendered to. 

if being your home is considered weakness, then i'll spend the rest of my life refusing to become strong again. 

chigiri hyoma

chigiri loves to use pale pink stationery with cream envelopes, written in wine-red ink that somehow matches the color of his hair. his handwriting is delicate, flowing, and impossibly graceful, every letter curved so beautifully it almost looks painted instead of written. 

he presses tiny dried cherry blossom petals into the envelope during spring, and in winter, he'll tuck in a ribbon from a gift you once gave him because he's sentimental in ways very few people get to see. 

you'll usually find his letters tucked inside your skincare bag before a trip or resting against the mirror where you'll see them while getting ready in the morning. 

they read like quiet conversations whispered long after midnight. 

there was a time when i thought my life had already become smaller than i wanted it to be. every dream felt fragile. every step felt borrowed. i remember wondering if i'd spend the rest of my life mourning the version of myself i almost became. 

then you smiled at me. that was the day my future stopped feeling frightening. 

isn't that strange? you never promised to fix anything. you never asked me to become someone else. you simply loved the person standing in front of you. the one who was still afraid and healing. 

you made patience feel beautiful. you taught me that slowing down doesn't mean you've stopped living. 

sometimes… i watch you brushing your hair in the morning. or reading beside me while rain taps against the window. and i have to remind myself not to cry. happiness used to feel temporary. now it looks so ordinary. 

it stays in the warmth your side of the bed keeps after you've gotten up. it waits for me in the mug you've already filled because you knew i'd forget. it lives in all the ordinary moments that would've slipped past the version of me who only knew how to keep running away. 

i think that's why i love watching you when you don't know i'm looking. you're never doing anything extraordinary. you're just existing. 

so i hope that years from now, when my hair is even longer, our faces are softer, and the house is filled with little reminders that we've lived a life together... i'll still catch myself looking at you the same way, like i can't quite believe i was lucky enough to find someone who made staying still feel like the greatest adventure i'd ever have. 

iglesias bunny

bunny's letters are effortlessly pretty without trying too hard – soft cream stationery edged with muted gold, written in dark red ink because black "feels too corporate." his handwriting is smooth and stylish, the kind that somehow reflects his confidence, though every now and then one word slants awkwardly where he paused to think too long. 

he always tucks a pressed flower, a concert wristband, or a tiny candid photo inside because he likes the idea of every letter becoming a little time capsule. 

he doesn't hide them. instead, he'll casually leave one inside the tote bag he knows you're taking that day, pretending it wasn't completely intentional. 

his trademark is that he always signs the envelope with a tiny bunny silhouette instead of his name. 

i think people assume loving someone like me must be exciting. that it must be glamorous filled with flights, cameras, late nights, beautiful cities. they're only half right though. the exciting part has never been any of that. 

it's hearing your sleepy voice answer the phone after i've landed. it's watching you steal fries off my plate after insisting you weren't hungry. it's feeling your foot brush against mine beneath the blankets while you're already asleep. those are the moments i replay. not the headlines or the applause. 

i've met people who knew my face before they knew my name. people who thought they loved me without ever speaking to me. then you came along and loved me so quietly that sometimes i forget i was ever lonely. 

you've never asked me to perform for you. you've never needed me to be impressive. you just wanted me. i don't think i'll ever fully understand how lucky that makes me. 

if the whole world stopped recognizing me tomorrow… i'd still know exactly who i am. why? every time you look at me… i feel seen in a way fame could never teach. 

hugo vivian

hugo's stationery is understated, but expensive – thick cream paper with burgundy edging, written in deep charcoal ink. his handwriting is clean and confident, though a little more relaxed than you'd expect, with the occasional ink smudge where he rested his hand for too long while thinking. 

every envelope is tied shut with dark red ribbon instead of sealed because he likes old-fashioned romance more than he'll ever admit. 

he leaves his letters somewhere deeply personal – tucked inside the book on your bedside table, slipped into your suitcase before an away trip, or beneath your pillow before leaving for training. 

every single one ends with his initial instead of his full name because somehow that feels more intimate. 

before you… i thought love was measured by grand gestures. movies always show us the expensive dinners. the vacations. the surprises people post online so strangers can admire them. 

then you thanked me for making your coffee exactly the way you liked it. 

boop. 

just like that, my whole understanding of love changed. 

you smiled because i remembered which side of the bed you preferred. you laughed when i tucked your freezing feet against my legs during a movie. 

ding. 

another moment i accidentally locked away forever. 

i've started collecting those little sounds in my head. the click of the front door when you come home. the shuffle shuffle of your slippers across the floor. the tiny hum you make while you're deciding what snack you want. the soft "hm?" when i say your name and you're distracted. they're my favorite sounds. 

people ask me what success feels like. i don't think i'd describe it with trophies anymore. success is hearing your keys in the door going jingle jingle and catching myself smiling before i even realize i'm doing it. success is your toothbrush next to mine. success is you stealing a bite off my plate and pretending you asked first. 

chomp. 

liar. i let you get away with it every time. 

some nights, you're already asleep before i am. i'll look over, brush your hair away from your face and think… "wow." 

out of the billions of people who exist in this enormous world… i somehow get to love you. 

… ba-dump. 

ah, there it goes again. my heart still hasn't learned how to act normal around you. 

— h. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

itoshi rin

rin has spent so much of his life convincing himself emotions are weaknesses that he honestly forgets what crying even feels like. 

anger? easy. frustration? constant. sadness? buried 6 feet under. 

the first time he cries in front of you is after visiting home. he doesn't tell you what happened or make a scene with a raised voice and slammed doors. he just comes into the apartment, quietly takes off his shoes, walks over to where you're reading on the couch… and sits beside you, not saying a word. that alone is enough to tell you something is terribly wrong. 

he stares at the floor for several minutes. you don't rush him. you simply reach over and intertwine your pinky with his. he squeezes yours almost immediately – the only response you’ve been able to get out of him this entire time. 

"... i'm tired." his voice is barely above a whisper. "... i'm so tired." 

his breathing becomes uneven. his shoulders start trembling almost imperceptibly. he looks furious at himself the second the first tear falls. 

"... dammit." 

he wipes at the first tear immediately. but then another one follows. and another. 

he turns his face away because somewhere deep inside him, there's still that old voice insisting don't let anyone see this. 

you gently cup his cheek. "look at me." 

he refuses. of course, stubborn rin. 

"please." 

he reluctantly does… eventually. and you notice every detail – his eyes are red. he looks almost offended by his own tears. 

"this is pathetic." 

"no. this is trust." 

that sentence absolutely ruins him and reframes his perspective at the same time. 

he leans forward until his forehead rests against your shoulder… and years of loneliness seem to pour out of him without words. 

he doesn't sob loudly. rin cries silently. his tears soak into your shirt while he grips the fabric like it's the only thing keeping him grounded. 

later, once he's finally calmed down, he quietly mutters, "... don't tell anyone." 

you smile. "there's nothing to tell. my boyfriend trusted me." 

he doesn't answer. he only reaches for your hand again. 

itoshi sae

sae doesn't believe crying should be shameful. he simply... doesn't cry. at least, that's what everyone assumes. they mistake emotional control for emotional absence. you know better. 

you've noticed how he quietly checks on injured teammates when nobody's looking. how he remembers tiny details people forget telling him. how he stares out hotel windows after difficult matches. how he feels everything. he's simply learned to carry it gracefully. 

the first time he cries is after an injury scares everyone. the doctors assure him he'll recover, that his career isn't over. everyone celebrates. 

"thank god." 

"you'll be back in no time." 

"what a relief." 

but once the room empties… he finally lets himself process how terrified he'd been. 

you sit beside his hospital bed. he doesn't look at you. 

"... i thought that was it." his voice is strangely hollow. yet he continues. "for a second… i couldn't feel my leg." 

you take his hand. he squeezes yours almost instinctively. then without warning, tears quietly begin rolling down his face. they simply... fall, like rain finally arriving after months of dry skies. 

he doesn't wipe them away or say sorry or even seem embarrassed. he simply lets himself exist inside the feeling. 

you brush one away with your thumb. "i've got you." 

"... i know." 

"you don't have to be strong every second." 

his lips curve into the smallest smile. "being strong is easier when someone reminds you i don't always have to be." 

later, when he's fully recovered, he'll jokingly tell you, "you're the only person who's seen me cry." 

"i feel honored." 

"... don't get cocky about it though." 

"mmm it’s too late to say that." 

he actually laughs out loud. 

nagi seishiro

nagi cries because he's overwhelmed. not with sadness, with love. he's never had someone choose him the way you do. 

before you, people mostly wanted something from him – his talent, his potential, his attention. even when people cared, it often came with expectations. you never asked him to be anything except... himself. 

the tears happen on an incredibly ordinary evening. you're both folding laundry. you're animatedly rambling about something completely random while he's half listening, half watching you with a lazy smile. 

and unprompted, this terrifying thought enters his head: what if one day this disappears? 

the idea hits him so hard his chest hurts. 

"... hey." 

"hm? what is it, sei?" 

"thanks." 

"for helping with laundry?" 

"for staying." 

you blink, confused. “where else would i be?" 

his eyes suddenly fill. he looks genuinely confused himself, too. "why am i..." he touches beneath his eye. "... oh." 

you immediately set the clothes aside. "come here." 

he practically melts into you like a sleepy cat seeking warmth. arms wrap around your waist, his face disappears into your neck. 

"... i'm really lucky." 

"you are." 

"... because i have you." he sniffles. "ugh, that was so cheesy." 

"and? say it again." 

you spend the next 20 minutes sitting on the floor surrounded by unfolded clothes while he quietly cries and listens to you remind him exactly why he's loved. 

the laundry never gets finished. neither of you care. 

mikage reo

reo spends most of his life being the person everyone else leans on. the reliable one. the confident one. the wealthy heir who's always composed. the one who solves problems before they exist. he smiles even when exhausted because people expect him to. 

so when he finally breaks, it's because he's spent months pretending everything is fine. family pressure. business expectations. football. media. injuries. 

everyone keeps asking something from him. nobody asks if he's okay. except you. 

one evening, you notice he's answering emails during dinner. again. his food has gone cold. his shoulders are painfully tense. 

you quietly close his laptop. "... hey." 

he instinctively reaches for it. "i need–” 

"no." 

"..." 

"i need you… reo." 

those were the only words he needed to hear to snap him out of the spiral that was pulling him downward. it was like you knew exactly what to say in the moment. 

you cup his face. "when was the last time someone took care of you?" 

that question completely dismantles every wall he's built. 

his lips press together. his breathing stutters. "... i don't..." 

he genuinely can't remember. inevitably, tears spill before he even realizes he's crying. 

he immediately laughs at himself. "wow." another tear. "this is embarrassing." 

you run a hand through his scalp. "you know what i see?" 

"... what?" 

"someone who's carried too much by himself." 

his smile crumbles. he starts crying properly then, with the kind of relief that comes from finally setting down a weight you've been carrying for years. he buries his face against your shoulder while your fingers continue to slowly comb through his hair. 

"i'm sorry." 

"for what?" 

"... for falling apart." 

you kiss the top of his head. "you're not falling apart. you're finally letting someone help carry you." 

he stays there for a long time, letting himself be held instead of being the one doing the holding. 

afterward, whenever life becomes overwhelming, he doesn't bottle everything up until it breaks him anymore. he now takes a different approach – he'll quietly find you, rest his head in your lap, and admit, "i think i'm reaching my limit." 

and every single time, you answer with the same gentle certainty: "then we'll face it together." 

because loving someone isn't just celebrating their victories – it's making sure they know their tears are welcome, too. 

bachira meguru

bachira cries like someone who's spent his entire life convincing himself he didn't need anybody. 

growing up, he learned how to laugh through loneliness. he'd turn empty afternoons into adventures with his "monster," smiling so brightly that nobody realized how much of that smile was stitched together by imagination instead of companionship. 

so when he meets you – someone who understands every weird little part of him without asking him to tone it down – it changes something fundamental inside him. 

the first time he cries is because you absentmindedly say something while you're both cooking dinner: "i'm really glad i found you." 

you don't even realize what you've said. you're too busy trying to rescue vegetables that are beginning to burn. 

it’s only after 2 minutes that you realize there’s been no response. "... megs?" 

he isn't answering. he's just standing there with a knife still in his hand, staring at the cutting board. 

"hey? you okay?" 

when he finally looks up, tears are already streaming down his face. "... sorry." he laughs through them. "i don't know why i'm crying." 

you immediately take the knife from his hands and guide him toward the couch. he's still smiling, laughing, and apologizing between sniffles. 

"that's the thing." he rubs his eyes. "for a really long time..." another tear slips down. "i thought people only stayed until they got bored of me." 

your heart practically cracks. "oh, meguru..." 

"and then you just..." he laughs again. "you just keep choosing me." 

you pull him into your arms before he can finish. he clings to you without hesitation, burying his face into your shoulder like he's finally allowing himself to believe he doesn't have to entertain someone to deserve being loved. 

after that, whenever life gets heavy, bachira doesn't hide behind jokes nearly as often. he'll flop dramatically into your lap and mumble, "so i think today's a crying day." 

and you'll smile, brushing his bangs away from his forehead. "then let's cry." 

shidou ryusei

shidou is loud. he gets passionate and explosive. he shouts when he's excited. he laughs with his whole chest. he celebrates goals like the stadium belongs to him. people assume that means he's emotionally fearless. it’s not anything new. 

but the truth? he's terrified of letting people see the parts of him that aren't exciting. after all, excitement gets applause. vulnerability gets silence. 

the first time he cries in front of you happens after he's suspended from a match. everyone online calls him a problem, a lost cause, a player with wasted talent. he pretends he doesn't care. he makes jokes and posts something ridiculous while grinning during interviews. 

then he comes home. and slumps while he mutters: "... they're kinda right." 

you've never heard him sound so… small. 

he shrugs. "i guess i always screw stuff up." 

you sit beside him. "look at me." 

"nah. not this time.” 

"ryusei." 

he finally turns. his eyes are glossy. "... i really try, y'know?" 

your chest tightens. "i know." 

"i don't wake up thinking, 'how can i ruin everything today?'" he lets out a bitter laugh. "people just think i'm some crazy idiot." 

the tears come suddenly after that, fast and unfiltered. he doesn't even try stopping them. he just cries exactly the way he laughs – with his entire heart. 

"what if i'm too much?" 

you don't answer right away. instead, you take his face into your hands. 

"you've never been too much, ryu. you've just spent too much time around people who only accepted the loud parts of you." 

he completely falls apart after that. he hugs you so tightly you're pretty sure your spine audibly protests with a few cracks. 

"... don't leave." 

you smile into his hair. "not a chance." 

karasu tabito

karasu prides himself on reading everyone else. he notices lies before they're spoken. he can tell who's nervous just by the way they shift their weight. he always knows what someone else is feeling. 

but his own emotions? those stay locked behind sarcasm and easy smiles. 

he convinces himself he's handling everything because he's still functioning, still training and winning and making everyone laugh. 

then his grandmother passes away. he attends the funeral. thanks everyone politely. comforts his own family. helps clean afterward. he does everything right. but he doesn't cry. not there. not even once. not even a single tear. 

it's 2 weeks later. you're both grocery shopping. you absentmindedly toss his grandmother's favorite candy into the cart because you remember she'd always sneak him pieces when he visited. 

"... oh." that's all he says. 

then he's standing completely still in the middle of the snack aisle. his shoulders start shaking. 

it finally clicks what you just did. “tabi baby, i am SO sorry.” you take the shopping basket from his hand before it falls. "i forgot..." 

his voice breaks as he holds up a hand. "it’s okay… it was… me who forgot… that she'd never eat these again." 

that's what does it. 

grief doesn't always arrive right away. sometimes it sneaks up between cereal boxes and discounted snacks in the most random of moments. you sympathize with that. 

karasu cries quietly into your shoulder while strangers politely pretend not to notice. 

later, he'll laugh weakly. "out of all places..." 

you smile. "love doesn't care where it catches up with us." 

he squeezes your hand all the way home. 

kaiser michael

kaiser has spent his entire life believing affection is conditional. perform well. be useful. be extraordinary. earn love. repeat. 

crying never fit into that equation so he learned to swallow every emotion until they became part of him. 

you notice it way before he does – how he dismisses compliments, how he instinctively apologizes for needing help, how he thanks you for things people in healthy relationships never think twice about. 

"thanks for waiting for me." 

"thanks for making dinner." 

"thanks for… staying." as if your love has an expiration date. 

the first time he cries happens after he loses a match he desperately wanted to win. 

the media tears him apart. fans argue over whether he's "washed." 

he brushes it off publicly with that familiar smirk. but privately… he stands in your apartment staring out the window. 

"if i stop being good..." his voice is almost inaudible. "... would you still love me?" 

you don't answer with words. you walk over, gently take his face between your hands, and kiss his forehead. 

"michael." 

he finally looks at you. 

"i loved you before today's match. i loved you during it. and i'm going to love you tomorrow." 

his composure shatters so quietly it almost hurts to witness. his lips tremble and his breathing catches before tears slowly spill over, one after another, while he desperately tries to blink them away. 

"... i don't know how to need people." 

"you don't have to know. we'll learn together." 

he leans into your touch like someone discovering warmth after living in winter for years. no loud sobs escape him either. he just cries with the exhausted relief of someone realizing they no longer have to earn a place in someone's heart. 

ness alexis

ness cries because he's finally loved without conditions. 

before you, so much of his self-worth came from what he could offer other people. what he could do. how useful he could be. whether he could make himself indispensable enough that nobody would leave. 

loving you is terrifying because, for the first time, he can't understand why someone chose him. 

one day, the two of you found yourselves playing a deep questions card game on the apartment couch. 

ness picks up a card and reads the question out loud: “... why me?” 

you don’t even have to think twice about it. the answer comes naturally: "you're brilliant, lex.” 

"... really?" 

"yes." 

"even when i'm emotional?" 

"especially then." 

he stares at you like you've spoken another language. 

the first time he cries is after making a mistake during an important match. he's convinced you're disappointed. he spends the entire drive home apologizing. 

"i’m sorry, i should've passed sooner." 

"alexis." 

"i know i looked stupid." 

"alexis." 

"i'm sorry you had to watch that–” 

you finally park the car. turn toward him. and take both of his hands. "why are you apologizing to me?" 

"because..." he can't finish. "... because i wasn't enough today." 

the silence that follows is deafening. you gently squeeze his fingers. 

"you think i love you because of football?" 

his eyes widen. "don't you?" 

your heart aches. "no. i love you because you're kind." 

another tear. 

"because you remember things about me that i even forget." 

another one falls. 

"because you always stop to pet every dog you see." 

his shoulders start trembling. 

"because you make me laugh until my stomach hurts." 

he completely breaks then. nobody has ever listed reasons to love him that had nothing to do with his performance. he cries into your embrace while clutching the front of your shirt with both hands. 

"i was so scared you'd stop choosing me." 

you kiss his temple. “you were never a trophy to win." you hold him just a little tighter. "you've always been a person to love." 

he cries harder after that, but this time, every tear carries away a little more of the fear he'd been holding onto for years.