David Blaine, Your Magic is Real

Hey everybody. You may have noticed and/or cried for the entirety of our prolonged absence. Let us explain... Months ago, we developed the concept of parodying Friday the 13th (the day, not the classic film... But Dave, we should consider that too.) The only problem? F*XIII wouldn't fall again until September. 

Luckily for you, we've spent the past few months trying out a few options: "HA!-pee Friday the 13th" "Sad fri-NIGHT the thirCHILDth" (classic comedic choice of turning some words in your sentence into the opposite of what is true.) "Half-peen Butt-day the 69th" ...AND SO MANY MORE. But(lol) it's safe to say we made the right choice. When it comes to conjuring up genius material like this, one thing we've learned is that you must make sacrifices. Even if those sacrifices include months of your life. But comedy is a lifestyle, and we will continue to live it. Glad to be back, Blainies.

"The Incredible Burt Wonderstone", starring Steve CarLOL and LOL BuSmiley (and featuring Jim Carrey), opened Friday, March 15th. When we first heard about the upcoming magician comedy feature film, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, it was only natural that our reaction involved joyful urine. After all, we run a comedy themed blog with a title inspired by both a magician of song and a magician of magic. The cast, made up of legendary Steves: Carell and Buscemi, and the father of the son of the mask, Jim Carrey, was sure to bring the laughs. Olivia Wilde would offer Dave the opportunity to use the comedy catch-phrase “schwing” regarding his boner, while Chelsea would get a chance to acknowledge that Wilde is more than just a pretty face, and has what are known in the biz as a nice set of “comedy chops”. (Of course referring to her boobs.) Opening night finally arrived and we were the first ones in! We bought our snacks and our treats but were bewildered upon entering the theater, as there were only two other people ready for an evening of magical laughter. (BLOG NOTE: DAVE WE SHOULD FIND THEIR COMEDY-MAGIC BLOG AND SABOTAGE IT. - CC) It was almost as if this movie had A POORLY EXECUTED MARKETING CAMPAIGN. But we know that’s impossible because... movies.

We’ve been giving a lot of close and careful consideration to the above Dutch cartoon pig farting video, which has provided some much needed insight into our own comedic development. Fascinating stuff; a modern and clever twist on a classic comedic trope, one that, at least according to some studies, goes back to the great civilizations of antiquity.

We're especially enamored with the pig’s level of concentration as he comedically pfrrrrts from the backside of his pig body. A REMINDER FOR ALL OF US that comedy is difficult and something you gotta be willing to put some sweat, tears and guttural exertion into.

FOR MORE ON THIS IMPORTANT TOPIC OF CONVERSATION please see this interview with the Godfather, Louis CK.

IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK! Many apologies again for all those affected by the chode/choad debate and the lingering DBYMIR blogging blackout it spawned. The war is over, all has been forgiven, chode is spelled chode (CHELSEA WTF WE SAID IT COULD BE SPELLED EITHER WAY COME ON MAN - DW), friends 4evs, RIGHT GUYS??

Please allow us a moment to catch you up on all that has been occurring (comedically) in the world since we last spoke. BE PREPARED because it may involve traveling along an emotionally fraught comedic journey.  1) Banana Joe took NYC (our resident home and company HQ) by storm by winning BEST of the DOGS at the DOG SHOW. A couple things to note: BANANA JOE is hilarious because of his name and also because of LOOK AT HIS FACE:

ALSO: Look at his very small penis. It is no thing to him. (Or the ladies!) (Amirite the ladies?!?!) 2) Valentine’s Day occurred as well. And ohhhh boiii were the BANANA JOES out in FULL (CONSENSUAL) FORCE! (*Penis joke.) We both had the following falsetto-tinged slo-jam classic on our respective VD-Day looped playlists:

1 + 2 = 3) Listening closely. “LOOK AT THIS FACE”. LOOK AT THAT FACE! 

It is now impossible for us to listen to the late 80s Adult Contemporary White People “R&B” classic hit “Don’t Know Much” without thinking of Mr. Banana Joe and his WITTLE WITTLE FACE. BANANA JOE KNOW MUCH. BANANA JOE KNOW HE LOVE YOU.

Hey everyone! As you all may have noticed and been upset about, we've been absent from the blog for the past few weeks. It’s been as hard(lol) for us as it probably has been for you, but we want to be completely honest with our devoted followers, so we’re just going to come right out and say it: We have been feuding. It’s never our hope to argue like this, but when it comes to making funny, disagreements are bound to arise.  However, there is one topic that comes up in all legendary comedy partnerships that nearly tears them apart, and now we’ve been through it, too.  That topic, of course, is the spelling of the word “chode”. We both came at the topic with strong viewpoints. In Dave’s mind, the word is, and always has been “choad”, while Chelsea fiercely defended her long-standing belief that the spelling of the word is in fact “chode.”  For weeks, we let this debate come between us and our comedy musings. The things that usually inspired us no longer brought laughter to our lives. 69 became just another number. P’zones were just a cheese-filled pastry. We were no longer sure whether or not David Blaine’s magic was actually real. Knowing we had to move past this, we turned to our comedy mentor: the internet. As we should have expected, the web’s infinite wisdom put us in our place…

Wikipedia describes a blog as “a discussion or informational site published on the World Wide Web and consisting of discrete entries ("posts")”. Despite vowing to devote the remainder of our lives to the sport of “comedy” (haha!!!) we still lead what some would describe as “enviable” lifestyles as young adults learning and growing in New York City. Once in a while, we’ll offer up a tip (haha!!!) or two that will allow our loyal readers the chance to not only laugh at us…but LIVE at us. With a birthday behind us this week, it’s important that we at DBYMIR momentarily shift the focus from “comedy” and “laughs” to the “art” of “blogging”. Todays “discrete entry”: GIFT-GIVING ADVICE. Looking for a gift idea for your scrotum-loving friend who has everything? Well look no further. Someone named "VintageInsanity" is currently selling one of this year’s hot items (on the scrotum market) on etsy.com…and now is your chance to get your hands on the California Raisins Coin Purse.

This satisfied scrotum with hands and shoes can be yours for only $6.50 and comes with everything a scrotum-lover could ever want (except testicles). But don’t just take it from us…listen to shop owner, VintageInsanity: 

"This cute little Raisin has a slot in back to put you money on and a ring to hang your keys on!"

The PURSUIT OF COMEDY requires the PURSUIT OF GENERAL KNOWLEDGE (Richard Pryor, 1977) and lately we’ve been reading up on some of the legends of the Wild Wild West (Will Smith, 1999). Men like Doc Holliday:

John Henry "Doc" Holliday (August 14, 1851 – November 8, 1887) was an American gambler, gunfighter and dentist of the American Old West.

PROUD OF YOU, Doc Holliday! Your many years of dedicated dental school studies have finally PAID OFF. We’ve watched you grow and mature and evolve and your body change and now HERE YOU ARE, MAKING IT WERQ. 

You give HOPE and INSPIRATION to all those who DREAM and ASPIRE to bigger things:

Some ACTION in da news: 

The Smoking Gun obtains photos hacked from the email accounts of George W. Bush's family and friends….The game's current round involves photos of in-progress paintings that Bush sent to his sister.

There is NOTHING FUNNIER than hand painted selfies an ex-President has sexted to his blood relatives. IT IS OUR ULTIMATE MOST FAVORITE JOKE STRUCTURE.

But these are different. These are sad. President Bush(y beaver LOL) is sad. 

Wash wash wash. Wash the sins of your failed presidency from your toned (and strangely chest-looking) back. Look off to the right and yet your FACE, your FACE, trapped inside a teeny man’s shaving mirror, looks straight back at you. “HELP!” your small face says. “HELP! I AM INSIDE A VERY TINY MIRROR.” 

Your tiny face's eyes burn straight into the soul of the painter. But the painter...is you. “SADDAM?” those eyes say. 

But it is not SADDAM. It is SADMAN. And SADMAN...is you.

You lay down in a bath. Maybe the water will crest your knees, swallow your toes, dampen you presumably incredibly bushy beaver (just outside frame) until it is nothing but a tangled clump, with perhaps some light pubic frills floating like the arms of a thin grey sea anemone, straining to reach oxygen and hope and the sun and the sky and FREEDOM again. 

But they never will. Your pubes shall never be free once more and neither shall you because you fucked it up, George. I’m sorry. We really fucked it all up.

Better sext this to ur sis.

This video's got us feeling emotions. NAMELY: JEALOUSY that we didn't think to do an Al Pacino-Phil Spector parody movie trailer first. 

As a pair of (comedic) fashion people living amongst other fashion people in a fashion city, this news is of the utmost importance:

Fashion people are getting diarrhea from eating too much kale.