The world is a mess and I just... need to rule it.

rare combo of dad and wizard energy 

I originally thought those were supposed to be mushrooms, implying that this cat is moldy

i'm happy y'all made fan art of my cat. i tried to show her and she just rubbed her face on my phone

The person who writes news tickers in Sun City, AZ when llamas are let loose one day: I’ve been waiting my whole life for this…

There is no shared white history. Europeans all hated each other from the first settlers up until the 1500s. No Italian has even fucking heard the word “Odin” until long after (”white”) christian missionaries nearly eradicated that religion. If  you and I are both white than our ancestors probably fucking hated each other. Hell, if you’re a white mutt like me, various roots of your own family tree fucking hated each other and considered each other foreign savage barbarians. The only thing that unifies the white race is skin color and privilege, and neither of those things fill me with any kind of pride.

I’m going to refute this later, but I’m in the middle of changing a flat tire.

the answer to his pinned question is no btw

what’s new pussycat just started playing in this restaurant and every millenial in the room shared a knowing, fearful look

It’s fucking Tom Jones? Millennials are you too stupid to realize that Tom Jones is the reason some of you exist? (Think about it for a second, you’ll get it)

hhhhhh oh my god ohhh my god oh my fucking god

tom jones fucked all of our moms

mutuals do this

I am dead serious: If you are a Walmart employee, at any level and in any store — like if you are a high school kid with a part time job stocking shelves — message me any question you have about unions. Like ask me "What's a union" if you want. I will explain it to you. I am a grievance chair for a white collar union whose workplace only unionized within the last five years and whose management fought as every step of the way, but in the end we fucking won. It can be done, and I can tell you how.

...WHO WILL PLAY THIS WITH ME

[Video description: video of a herd of shaven alpacas surrounding a hedgehog that is walking through their pasture. the alpacas are very curious, and lean in to get a closer look at the hedgehog. a few of them manage to touch their nose to the hedgehog, and is surprised by the hedgehog’s spikiness. the hedgehog is unbothered by the curious audience and calmly makes their way through the pasture, with the alpacas carefully following them. there is no discernible audio. /end video description]

This kills me every single fucking time

Instagram ads piss me off. Like, yes, I do want those black waterproof boots embroidered with a gold sun and moon, but I hate that you know that about me. I hate the little AI oracles sitting in their digital caves making algorithmic prophecies about my spending habits, then sending sending their electronic servants to me with hedonistic temptations targeted at my weaknesses... I’ve already got nice boots, thanks!

There they are, the two genders.

only a cis deals in absolutes

all of life and history aligned for that one joke we’re done everyone go home

Absolutely off the shits