hey there, lovely

Nightwing, landing on a rooftop where Red Hood's speaking to one of his subordinates: yo, Hood, what's going on?

Jason: hey. just getting the report for that secret shopper thing i was gonna do with the Wayne kids.

Subordinate: yeah... uh, why are Bruce Wayne's kids taking part in this again?

Jason, without missing a beat: because non of their neighbours need their laws mowed and Brucie says it's important for kids their ages to start learning the responsibility of having a job. anyway, Damian was up tonight, right? who was he buying from, 'cause i already know they failed.

Subordinate: yeah, Rick let the kid buy from him, so he needs to be punished i guess. bought two eighths of weed and an ounce of coke without Rick even blinking.

Jason, frowning: yeah, call that guy up for me to 'speak' to-

Jason:

Jason: wait Damian bought what?

Subordinate: ...two eighths of weed and an ounce of coke?

Jason:

Dick: what's wrong?

Jason, shooting off a grapple: that little shit only gave me back the weed-

~

Jason: *crying with laughter in the middle of the street*

Dick, landing nearby: ...you ok Hood?

Jason: *wheezing*

Duke, faintly, from Jason's phone: ITS NOT FUNNY.

Dick: what's happened?

Jason: Duke- *wheeze* Duke was supposed to do his secret shopper assignment tonight, but he didn't read the memo properly and tried to buy from a group of four of my guys as Signal instead of himself,

Duke: -SHUT UP JASON.

Jason: *still struggling to breathe* so he- so he rocked up and asked to buy as Signal, and my guys all assumed he was arresting them for possession,

Dick: oh my god.

Jason: they dropped him everything they fucking had and bolted, and now he's panicking on the other end of Crime Alley because four peoples' entire product inventory is too much for him to carry in one go and he's scared of leaving any behind for kids to wander across, so he's- *collapses into more laughter*

Dick, in awe: he's just stuck guarding it?!

Duke, from Jason's phone, incredibly distressed: THE RATS ARE CIRCLING IN. I'M NOT USUALLY OUT THIS LATE. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO COME AND FUCKING HELP ME-

Jason: *loses it*

~

Dick: hey, Tim did his secret shopper thing tonight, right? how'd that go?

Jason: *head in his hands*

Dick: ...did the guy fail?

Jason, muffled: no.

Dick: then what happened?

Jason: i had him try to buy from the same guy as Damian, to see if he'd 'learned his lesson', and he refused to sell to Tim point blank.

Dick: ok...?

Jason: but then Tim got offended that he'd sold to Damian and not him, so he pulled a gun on the guy and robbed him instead.

Dick:

Dick: the fuck did he get a gun from-

Jason: i don't fucking know Dick.

~

*Dick and Jason getting food on patrol when Steph calls Jason*

Steph: so i did the thing and it didn't work but i don't think it didn't work because i'm a kid.

Jason: ...what do you mean?

Steph: well i walk up to these two guys and ask to buy, right? and they say sure, what do you want? and i go 'four', and these guys say 'four what' and i'm like ??? the fuck do you think? four drugs. and-

Jason: *puts his head in his hands as Dick chokes on his hotdog*

Steph: -they look at me like i'm the fucking idiot, like, you should know how to count if you're gonna be a drug dealer, it's not like you guys have cash registers to help you out, right? and they start arguing with me and telling me that clearly i'm already high—which, fuck you guys, my makeup is awesome tonight, i do not look like i did it while high, how dare you! so i said maybe they're high and i should call their boss and snitch for stealing his supply, and they were like 'nuh uh blondie, nuh uh!' all mocking and shit, so i kicked one guy in the balls and the other guy grabbed me and now they won't let me leave until i prove that you sent me.

Jason:

Dick: *crying*

Steph, brightly: so yeah, if you could come pick me up~