we do cars, motherfucker

here at megacorporation, one of our core values is number go up. our other core value is rate at which number go up go up. these two core values guide us in our mission to exploit you as effectively as possible

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

person (non-practicing)

wow you have dogshit taste (remembers im trying to be nicer to people who like different things) uh i mean, it's beautiful how the breadth of human experience is so wide it encompasses those with good taste and those with dogshit taste

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

I should quit my job to pursue a life of meaningless violence

The zipper merge requires a level of cooperation and goodwill that the citizens of this great country have never once displayed

I do not know why the U.S. is hosting the World Cup as we generally do not give a fuck about soccer. And I would not recommend traveling here right now to my worst enemy.

Handing the Google executive currently chained in my basement a piece of paper that reads "Shall I end your torture?" with one checkbox that reads "No" and another that reads "Maybe later."